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Subject: New Rules by Bill Maher
1. When they say Democrats will raise taxes, you say,
"We have to. Because someone spent all the money
in the world
cutting Paris Hilton's taxes and not killing
Osama bin Laden."
2. When they say the terrorists want the Democrats to win, you say:
"Are you insane? George Bush has been a terrorist's
wet dream! He inflames radical hatred
against America, and then run on offering to
protect us from it. It's like a a guy throwing shit
on you, and then offering to protect you from
the flies."
3. When they say cut and run, or defeat-o-crat, you say:
"Bush lost the war. Period. All this nonsense
about 'the violence is getting worse over there
because they're trying to influence the election'
-- no, it's getting worse because you drew up
the post-war plans on the back of a cocktail
napkin on Applebee's! And of course Democrats
WANT to win, but that's impossible now that you've
ethnically cleansed the place by making
it unliveable. Just like you did with New Orleans."
4. When they say that actual combat veterans like John Kerry are denigrating the troops, you say:
"You are completely full of shit." Remember when
Al Gore caught all that flak for sighing and
moaning during the debate? Yeah, don't do that
-- just say, "You are full of shit. If I was a troop,
the support I would want back home would mainly
come in the form of people pressuring
Washington to get me out of this pointless nightmare.
That's how I would feel supported."
5. When they say Democrats are obstructionists, you say:
"You're welcome. Sometimes good people have to
intercede to prevent dire consequences.
You wouldn't like to think of ME as an obstructionist,
but what if Roseanne had offered to sing?
So I would be happy to frame this debate as a
fight between the obstructionists and the enablers.
" There's your talking point: "Vote Republican
and you vote to enable George Bush to keep
ruling as an emperor. A retarded child emperor,
but an emperor."
So Democrats, today is the day to get out there
and CLOSE.
And it's not about slogans this time -- although
when it comes to slogans,
the only one I am prepared to accept from the
opposition is:
"THE REPUBLICAN PARTY -- WE'RE SORRY."