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Subject: the Stella Awards (Be sure you read the last paragraph)
It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards',
named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who
spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully
sued the McDonald's that sold it to her.
That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish
lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S.,
So keep your head scratcher handy.
*Here are the Stellas for the past year:*
**SEVENTH PLACE***
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded
$80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle
tripping over a toddler who was running inside
a furniture store.. The store owners were understandably
surprised by the verdict, considering the running
toddler was her own son.
Start scratching!
*** SIXTH PLACE ***
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won
$74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over
his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently
didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when
he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
Scratch some more...
*** FIFTH PLACE ***
Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania ,
who was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage.
Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage
door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open.
Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because
the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled
it
shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT
days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he
sued
the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue
mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must
pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should
all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching. There are more......
Double hand scratching after this one...
***FOURTH PLACE***
Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered
4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses
after being bitten on the butt by his next door
neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's
fenced yard.
Williams did not get as much as he asked for
because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time
of the
butt bite because Williams had climbed over the
fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.
Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..
*** THIRD PLACE ***
Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because
a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she
slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her
tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown
it
at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an
argument. What ever happened to people being responsible for their own
actions?
Only two more so ease up on the scratching....
***SECOND PLACE***
Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware **sued the
owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom
window
to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth.
Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window
to avoid
paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said
the night club had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah, plus dental expenses.
Go figure. *
***Ok. Here we go!!**
*** FIRST PLACE ***
This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner
was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased
new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first
trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she
set
the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left
the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a
sandwich.
Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway,
crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago
for not putting in the owner's manual that she
couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was
set. The Oklahoma**
jury awarded her, are you sitting down?
$1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals
as
a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski
has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.*
There's just one problem - this is all bullshit.
Republican handjobs (Is there any other kind?)
fabricated this list to prove their point about "frivolous" lawsuits.
You see, they don't think anybody deserves
their day in court unless it's a no-proof claim against a Demo president
by an ugly sow who desperately needed rhinoplasty.
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