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Subject:
Survivor Ageism week 1
Episode 2: Everything falls apart
Recap by Mike The Dealer
The recap from last week has Jeff bashing the hell out of Team Geezer
for not using the Medallion of Power (MoP)
and says it cost them victory in the opening challenge. Jeff is lying,
they were beat by a mile in the puzzle building,
and what little aid they would have gotten from the MoP would have only
made the lose by a little less. One big thing
about the MoP is that if you have it, the other side doesn’t, keeping
it just for the sake of not giving it to the other team
is a big thing to factor into the decision to use it or not.
We come back from Wendy being voted out and Holly is all broken up over
this, she declares this vote to be ‘on the team’.
The tribe, who could care less about Wendy agree that yes, they all
voted her out, so what? Holly laments that she liked Wendy
and now she feels like she’s on the outside of her tribe and well she’s
going to suck it up and start dominating Survivor!
Well, she won’t, but at least she felt like she could.
The credits now list Jud as Fabio, which is awesome, way to go
producers. And we come back to old folks camp.
Jimmy Johnson is now the leader of the tribe, and he gives out orders
to everyone, mostly about trying to fix their shelter
such that they can sleep in it, as Marty says he hasn’t slept in days.
Jill does a promo about how she enjoys the morning
planning sessions, thanks for that insight Jill. Jimmy T.
goes on a rambling, incoherent speech about using three people to
fish.
He then does a promo about how his great ideas don’t get accepted by
the group because Jimmy Johnson is in charge now,
while Marty does a promo that he’s good with Jimmy Johnson running
things because come next vote, it’ll be easier to
portray him as a failed leader and kick him out. Marty’s here to play
Survivor, exactly what Jimmy T. is here to do, I don’t know.
We go to Team Whippersnapper where everyone’s palling around and
suddenly we get Sash and NaOnka talking,
NaOnka admits to crushing on Sash a bunch, and out of nowhere Sash
comes up with his idea of having a minority
alliance of him, NaOnka, and Brenda the hot asian girl. Exactly what
good a three person alliance will do in a ten
person tribe is beyond me, but hey, this is Sash’s big play, turning
Survivor: Ageism into Survivor: Racism (The remix).
NaOnka continues on her incoherent hatred of Kelly B. the one legged
girl. She whines that Kelly B,
“Has the mind and has the heart, but she doesn’t have the body.”
At this moment the producers show us Kelly B. in a bikini, walking on
her fake leg. Let me make this clear:
Kelly B. has a really hot body. You do not get to be in the kind of
shape she is in by just sitting around on your fake leg.
Now if I wasn’t a moron, I’d be thinking the really in-shape chick with
the fake leg that she’s had since birth,
is likely on this show for a compelling reason, they didn’t just grab
any old in shape person with one leg and
cast them on Survivor. Kelly B. holds records in running for
amputees and does triathlons, she’s a world class
athlete so she’s exactly the opposite of what NaOnka thinks. Of course,
thinking isn’t a NaOnka specialty as we’ll see.
We head over to Team Geezer where Holly sees Jill not exactly having
the best time eating snails and she decides
“Hell with these snails” and grabs the pot of snails and walks away
with it, declaring that the snails can’t be eaten.
This causes quite the stir in camp because they kind of like to have
food, and people freaking out and tossing food
is bad times. Jimmy Johnson promos that he hopes Holly can get it
together, while Jill seems to be more like
“Oh well, Holly’s nuts, at least we’ll have another easy vote out at
next Tribal.”
Dan, a faceless member of the old folks tribe up till now, insults
Holly, and Holly hears this and promptly
destroys his 1600 dollar shoes. Well done Holly!
Good to see everyone’s on
the “King Russell Hantz” plan of Survivor Malcontentery. She justifies
this by
saying it’s ‘revenge’ when she started all this by throwing away the
tribe’s food. These people have been out here
FOUR DAYS!!! LESS THEN A WEEK!!! Already we have someone destroying
somebody’s shoes out of spite,
the sad thing is this isn’t where the madness ends.
Holly feels like she might not be cut out for Survivor and now she
feels crappy she destroyed Dan’s shoes,
she calls a tribe meeting and fesses up to it and says she’s sorry,
everyone acts like things are cool, Dan does
a promo that he won’t forgive her, cause damn woman, why you gotta
destroy my shoes?!
Over to the young folks tribe where NaOnka freaks out over a missing
sock by thinking somebody took her sock
to screw with her, so she steals a pair of Fabio’s socks, when he goes
to confront her, she freaks out on him in
“A best defense is a good offense” fashion and Fabio just accepts that
he’s lost his socks to the crazy lady.
Shannon says this is NaOnka ‘showing who she is’ and then we get more
Fabio wacky antics, this time
burning himself while trying to help keep the fire going.
We go back to the old
folks so that Jimmy Johnson can have a heart-to-heart with Holly and
keep her
in the game, he pumps her up as best he can and with that, it’s time
for the challenge.
The producers/challenge designers, far too lazy to give us two
challenges, give us one long crazy
immunity/reward challenge, one section of the team has to have people
dive into mud then crawl over
to bales of hay and find a ball in a hay bale, this process continues
till you have 4 balls, then your team
must use wooden boards (That Jeff calls ‘shields’) to play pitch and
catch with, and the last person in the
chain must use the board to throw the ball into a barrel, first team to
get to 4 wins.
Jeff reveals that the MoP will give the old folks a 1-0 lead in this
challenge, now Bart tends to want me to keep
my swearing to a minimum on this recap but honestly HOLY FUCKING SHIT
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
Last week the ‘advantage’ this thing gave you was a SLIGHT edge in
phase 1 of a two part challenge,
now in this challenge it lets you do 25% less work?! Are you kidding
me?!
Oh Medallion of Producer
Interference, you are such a stupid game manipulating device.
The old folks, who would like to win immunity and reward (Which is
either a tarp or fishing gear)
see the insane advantage they would get from using the MoP, so they use
it and go up 1-0.
They sit out Dan, while the young folks sit out NaOnka.
The young folks do what they can but in the end, Benry the shooter for
the young folks can’t find
any way at all to get the balls to land in the barrel, and the old
folks win 4-2. Don’t think for a moment
they would have won without the huge advantage they had via the
MoP.
The old folks take the fishing gear and celebrate, Sash laments that
the young folks won’t in fact
sweep every challenge and crush the old folks, why is it every season
we get a promo from some idiot
who says “We really thought we were gonna dominate this thing, but man,
this loss hurts.”
Except for one season,
nobody’s ever swept all the challenges, no matter how good you think
your tribe is,
odds are they can lose challenges you kind of should expect to lose a
few challenges before the merger.
We follow the old tribe back to their camp where they celebrate,
and Jimmy Johnson reassures us that
Holly is still very likely to crack and will have to be monitored. They
open up a tackle box out of the
fishing gear they won and get the clue to a hidden immunity idol,
which they decode as “dig 15 feet from
the man tree” and we get scenes of folks digging around whatever they
think the ‘man tree’ is.
Jill figures out it’s
“Tree Mail” and tells Marty and Dan this, because she thinks Marty is a
smart guy
and getting herself into an alliance with him is a good move on her
part, Jill is savvy player, I’d be scared
to death of somebody who’d tip me off to where a hidden idol was, I’d
find the idol and vote them off
because if they think they got enough game to be casually handing other
people idols, then I see them as a threat.
Marty ends up finding it along with Jill and he’s quite happy about
this turn of events, go Marty!
We head over to Team Whippersnapper and people grump about losing,
NaOnka does a promo about
how Kelly B. was dominating in the challenge today, and that she had
sat out the challenge just to see if
Kelly B. was gonna gimp it up and then blame her fake leg for why she
sucked.
OK let’s think about how stupid this is on every possible level, you’re
the crazy lady who stole someone’s
socks because you think somebody stole one of your socks, you’ve caused
drama in camp and if your tribe loses,
odds are people are going to look to vote you out, so your big plan to
gain the trust of your tribe is to sit out a challenge?
On top of this your big plan was to see the girl with one leg fail?
She’s just as in shape as the rest of the girls,
if not more so. She’s had to overcome having only one leg, and
she’s built just as good as the rest of you,
and you honestly think she’s a physical liability? NaOnka’s called her
a ‘charity case’ and now says
“I don’t like her” why? What has she done? Kelly B. from
what we have seen has done nothing to
demand special treatment, it’s the tribe that hates her because they
all see her as a sympathy case.
In reality Kelly B’s situation is like Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.
She came out and admitted she only had one leg, and just wanted to be
accepted as just another
Survivor player, but tragically she has 9 anti-one-legged-people bigots
for tribe-mates.
Kelly B. and Alina, who had whined about being ‘stuck’ in an alliance
with peg-leg the gimpy talk game plan,
NaOnka is clearly universally hated, so she can go anytime, time to
make a bold move and vote out Brenda, is their plan.
The menfolk of the tribe gather: Fabio wants NaOnka gone, Chase and
Shannon agree
and then Kelly B. comes over and gives them the sales pitch for Brenda.
Now here is where this all goes downhill, you need 6 votes to boot
anyone, NaOnka is universally hated
and an easy drama-free vote, on the other hand you know Chase is allied
with Brenda, so now you need to
get 6 votes out of the remaining 8 people, have you really talked to
any of them? Are you sure you’ll get the
votes you need for this? If you lose you’re on the wrong side of a
power struggle, and being in the minority
means a lot of scampering for hidden idols and hoping for things to
break your way.
Last season Boston Rob and company had a clear 7-3 majority over
Russell, Danielle, and Pavarti, and made
the mistake of voting out Randy, and then letting idols and other crap
stop them. This is the exact opposite of
that situation. Here you have a camp malcontent that will go home
without a doubt if you just let her, but instead
you go for the ‘big move’ and the ‘bold play’ by trying to out a
strong player without truly knowing who’s loyal
to who. When in doubt, go with the easy play.
Shannon decides to go with this plan, he tells Chase that he ‘hates
putting you in this position because she’s your girl.’
When he really doesn’t hate doing this, if he wanted this to work, he’d
have allied with Brenda and had himself/Chase/Brenda
as a solid three and then worked on dealing with other issues, but
instead he’s putting Chase to the test for where his loyalty
is right now, which is pretty silly, this is vote one, you don’t know
where anyone stands, vote out the crazy sock stealing lady!
Chase is bummed out being in the eye of the storm. He promos that he
didn’t expect all of this to happen,
because he’s clearly never watched Survivor ever. But it looks
like it’s curtains for Brenda as we go to commercial.
We come back with NaOnka and Brenda talking about how they hate Shannon
and want him gone.
They make a boot order of Shannon followed by Fabio, and are quite
happy with this list. They whine that Chase
might not be 100% with them, and that “He should be stronger than
that.” Yes, he should be strong such that he
obeys them and not others. Brenda is then told about Sash’s minority
alliance plan, she laughs and does a promo
saying that she, NaOnka, Purple Kelly, Sash and Chase are five votes
they have to take out Shannon.
And now the moment of truth, Chase confronts Brenda and tells her that
she’s the target of the vote tonight.
She looks upset and then asks him why he’s going to side with Shannon
over her, she somehow doesn’t mention
that she’s falling in love with him or give him a hug or anything, but
her browbeating sways him and he’s now on their side.
Alina hears this conversation and gets all upset that now Chase has
flipped and it’s five-to-five on the votes,
“Brenda stirred it up” she complains, yeah because how DARE Brenda try
to stay in this game, whomever
Queen Alina decrees should be voted out should just pack up their gear
and wait meekly for their torch to be snuffed out.
This is so unfair, Brenda fighting back and trying to keep herself in
this game. “She’s such a threat” Alina whines.
Guess what, if you/Shannon/Kelly B/Fabio/Chase stuck to the NaOnka
vote, think about how different this plays out
when Chase meets Brenda. He tells her the vote is for NaOnka, now what
does Brenda do? She either has to admit
she’s in an alliance with the crazy lady, and now she looks like a
schemer and a plotter, or she has to let it happen.
We’ve seen 0 of Purple Kelly, but really, why would she save NaOnka?
ARGH, this is so stupid.
We get to tribal and Shannon proceeds to have a giant meltdown, even
Fabio, who’s a moron, sees he should shut up.
Sash tells him he’s digging his own grave, which gets a retort of
Shannon questioning if he’s gay.
They argue, and then
Alina, being a idiot, decides to go down with the ship, standing by her
alliance mate who’s
having a nervous breakdown in front of her, by whining about Chase
being a liar while saying Shannon hasn’t lied.
This doesn’t much matter given that one of them is sitting there with a
big smile on his face and the other one is
declaring New York City has “A lot of gay people” in it.
NaOnka pitches a diva fit and buries Fabio, Fabio laments that he can’t
deal with her. She’s just as awful as Shannon,
she really is, but he’s an idiot, so she’s not getting any votes
tonight. I truly hate her and can’t wait for her to go.
Finally we vote, and 7-3 Shannon gets himself shipped out of town,
moron awards to Fabio and Alina (More so Alina)
for sticking with the idiot lunatic instead of bailing and making this
a 9-1 vote, enjoy digging for idols you two.
THOUGHTS
Holly and NaOnka go crazy, Shannon melts down and gets voted off, it’s
not even been a week, I half expect
someone to die on the show and be eaten by their tribemates. This
season is so nuts that cannibalism is in play.
Just a stupid decision to try to get Brenda out, Kelly B. and Alina
ruined everything by hatching that plan and Shannon
was a moron for following it and deciding to put the screws to Chase to
boot Brenda. Of course Kelly B. was smart enough
to vote out Shannon after his meltdown, so she has a clue about the
game, the real question for the young tribe is how long
do they tolerate NaOnka’s madness. Odds are she’s useful for one more
vote (Which will be Fabio, Alina, or Kelly B.)
and then that majority will have numbers such that they can afford to
cut her lose, either that or she’ll just drive everyone
nuts and they’ll vote her out due to her crazyness.
The old folks have Holly ready to go home, so their next tribal should
be pretty dull, we have the Jill/Marty/Dan alliance
shaping up, but beyond that the politics of the Geezer tribe is pretty
ill-defined. One only hopes that the next time the
old folks lose they don’t go for the ‘bold play’ and take out
somebody who’s a big threat or something, and just
stick to kicking the deadweight out.
Wow, over 3,000 words this week, this was a action packed episode, or
I’m just getting long winded?
Questions/comments send them to Mikethedealer@hotmail.com
Mike, well done - thanks.