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Subject:
Survivor Ageism week 3
Episode 3: The King is dead, long live the
Queen
and commentary on how people play Hidden Idols.
Recap by Mike The Dealer
We get back from Team Whippersnapper’s tribal, where Alina makes
pleading, stupid, pointless comments about
becoming one big happy family. She’s saying all this is in a pitiful
attempt to save her own ass after her side ended up
losing the vote, and had Shannon sent home. All of this is her fault,
since her and Kelly B. were the two idiots who
decided to not take the free NaOnka vote and instead try to get rid of
‘the threat’ that was Brenda.
This brings us to the first of 20,000 NaOnka promos. I truly hate
NaOnka, and I figured out why I hate her so much.
NaOnka should have gone home first, but thanks to stupidity she is now
in the majority alliance and able to talk big
about how she’s dominating this game and crushing people. NaOnka is the
idiot who goes all in, you call them and
you have them crushed (What we would call ‘dominated’ in poker slang)
with Ace-Queen Vs Ace-Nine, and sure enough
that nine comes right off the deck, and then for the rest of the
tournament you have to listen to this idiot bad mouth you
“I can’t believe you called me with Ace Queen, really man, that was
weak...Ace Queen, seriously?” and while you were
right to do it and everyone else at the table knows it, that idiot
still has your chips and he’s still going to talk like a hotshot
until he goes broke sometime later.
So pretty much we’re all stuck with NaOnka’s awful personality, total
lack of game playing ability and the fact that
the producers are apparently convinced that if we don’t have an evil
person on the show, nobody will watch it,
so they give her endless TV time.
Russell may or may not have been that great a player, but at the very
least he was 100% determined to play to win
the game. Everything the man did was set up to make moves to try to
forward him in the game, I didn’t really hate him
because he was in all reality a very tragic figure. The one thing he
wanted to do, win Survivor, was the one thing he
clearly couldn’t do, so for all the plotting and scheming and evil he
did, you knew he’d lose in the end.
NaOnka’s just a crazy idiot, she stole Fabio’s socks, and she sat out a
challenge to just so one-legged Kelly B. could be
the scapegoat if they lost it. She’s a disruptive personality around
camp and she didn’t even compete in the challenge,
she’s practically begged the tribe to vote her out, but then they
didn’t, and now we have to sit here and listen to this
person who has no clue how to play Survivor cut promo after promo
because the producers love her and she’s a
fame whore who just wants her 15 minutes.
NaOnka’s promo is “Screw Alina and her groveling, it’s fake, she’s in
the minority now, we running this show,
I’m the best…How could you call with Ace Queen? Honestly…Ace Queen?!
Really, you thought you were good?”
Over to Team Geezer, We are treated to Jimmy Johnson leading the tribe
to finding the food source of howler monkeys.
This leads to Yve gushing over Jimmy Johnson and Marty getting a ton of
air time to explain to us that he must now pull
the “Russell boots Boston Rob and claims domination over the tribe”
move now.
Jill tells Marty to calm down with the Coach removal talk, and also
suggests he show the idol to the tribe, to let them
all know he’s not using the idol for his own selfish ends, but rather
as a weapon to defeat the Whippersnappers.
Marty debates the merits of this and we go to the Team Whippersnapper
camp.
Fabio does a promo that his wacky funny side is merely a tool of his to
stay in the game, and he’s really a super genius.
Well he most likely isn’t, but he thinks he is. We get NaOnka’s
counterpoint to this, because the producers aren’t going
to let her be off TV if they can help it, and she mostly just says she
hates Fabio, and he’s dumb.
Back to Team Geezer, Marty comes forward with the idol, which thrilled
Jimmy T. to no end. Jimmy T. could not
be more happy/pleased/impressed with Marty revealing the idol if he
tried, Marty is now the bestest man in the world
in Jimmy T’s eyes. Tyrone sees him for the snake he is, while Jill
thinks Marty looking good is excellent, for she shall
be the Natalie to his Russell and use him to win a million
dollars.
We then get to see Dan, the poor guy who had his shoes destroyed by
Holly, looking old, weak and gimpy,
he does a promo that he thinks he’s at least as strong as the women,
even with some of them being built like moose.
Yve does a promo that Dan’s trying to hide how banged up he is, but
he’s really hurting and that he might have to be
voted out if they lose a challenge.
Over to the Team Whippersnapper, where we get the majority five of
Sash/Purple Kelly/Chase/Brenda/NaOnka debate
voting out either Alina or Kelly B. Alina does a promo lamenting that
she’s on the wrong side of the majority, so she’s
screwed. Then NaOnka gets more TV time, because Lord knows she can’t
get enough. Declaring that Alina being voted out
would send a “Shockwave” to Kelly B. Exactly how?
They know they are on the outside, and they know that the tribe
will vote them out before they vote out the men who are in the
minority, so odds are if Alina got voted out Kelly B. would
be like ‘whew, survived that vote, now I’m clearly going home next.”
NaOnka ends by gloating “That’s what you get bitches”
which just sounds to me like “Ace Queen? You really called me with
that?” God she’s an idiot.
Off to the challenge. It’s both immunity and reward, the reward being
fruits and spices and a garden. The challenge is
the tribes have to get 10 barrels and set them up in a bowling pin like
formation, and then have someone throw bean bags
and land a bean bag on each of the 10 barrels. The Medal of Power will
allow the young tribe to start with 2 barrels already done,
which seems like a good edge, but not nearly as powerful as last week.
The young folks figure they can win this straight up and
decide to keep the MoP. I agree with this, since the old folks are old
and feeble, you use the MoP all it does is come back to
bite you in the butt next challenge. I’d keep that thing for a couple
challenges, if you won 2 in a row, I’d use it on the third one
and really put the screws to them.
The young folks finish the barrel gathering first, and the old folks
get a lead with Tyrone tossing the beanbags,
but he wilts and Benry gets it done for the young folks, who win the
challenge.
This leads to some seriously stupid play, as the young folks get their
stuff, Kelly B. and NaOnka
both see the clue for a hidden idol in a basket.
Now you both know you’re on opposite sides of the alliances here, and
both sides have seen this clue, so really there is
nothing either one of you can do except say ‘hey everyone, there’s a
clue for a hidden idol here’ because you can’t get away
with the note without the other person ratting you out, so the element
of surprise is gone. Instead they end up fighting over it,
which is stupid, because Lord knows what’s legal now in Survivor when
it comes to roughhousing, but also because you
could lose the clue outright, at least if everyone looks at it, you
have a shot at reading it.
NaOnka wins the wrestling match, and then because she’s a complete
moron, she runs off by herself with the clue.
You’re in the majority alliance and have very little chance of being
sent home, why would you ever admit that you’re
hogging a clue for an idol? It makes you look like a dick, and makes it
possible that your alliance might vote you out
because you’re a dick who’s hogging immunity idols. Brenda gets NaOnka
to share the clue with her, then does a promo
that NaOnka is where the power is in this game, so she has to stay
tight with her. Really, NaOnka has power? Sash started
the minority alliance, you brought Chase into the group, Purple Kelly
is just some faceless person we haven’t gotten any info
about at all, how is the crazy lady who steals socks and hogs clues to
idols the power of this game? Cause she HASN'T found
the idol yet? That makes her a threat?
During all this, NaOnka does a bunch of promos, which I’m not even
going to bother dealing with, She’s just all gloating and
celebrating “You called with Ace Queen, you fish! How could you call
that!” I really hate her. She’s so dumb she shouldn’t be
in this game still, thanks Alina and Kelly B. About the only thing that
makes me feel better about all this is that you two idiots
will either have to use the clue you have (And can’t figure out) or the
next clue, and use an idol to get rid of her, or you two
idiots will go home and your decision to save NaOnka on the first vote
will have cost you a shot at a million dollars while it’ll
only cost me a couple months of annoyance dealing with NaOnka until
she’s finally voted out.
Over to the old folks where Jill lets us know that losing challenges
sucks. Jimmy T. starts ranting and raving that he’s a
natural leader, and these people are holding him back because they fear
him. Jimmy T. doesn’t get that he’s in a tribe that
now has it’s own more sane, less prickish version of Russell, who’ll
seek to crush threats to his power over ‘keeping the
tribe strong’. So his sudden desire to be the leader might be a great
way to get himself tossed off the show.
Marty does a promo about making the tribe play Survivor, because they
haven’t been playing Survivor for the past 9 or
so days, they have been playing some other game I guess. We come back
from commercial and Jimmy Johnson makes
his pitch to Marty to get rid of Dan, cause Dan’s a gimp. Marty does a
promo that to hell with Jimmy Johnson, he goes
and he goes now! Jill does a promo that she completely doesn’t care
about the boot order of Jimmy Johnson, Dan, and
Holly, they are all equally useless, so if Marty wants Jimmy Johnson
gone, that’s fine with her, she’ll vote him same as
she would the other two.
Marty tells Dan about the plan to get rid of Jimmy Johnson, and Dan’s
cool with it. Marty gives a promo that’s pretty much
“I got people on my side, those people are awesome, the people who like
Jimmy Johnson, those people suck, and well,
they’ll just have to accept that he’s going home.”
Jane and Holly hang out and Holly says she knows she’s likely up for
removal, Jane tells her that she doesn’t think it’s
Holly, and Dan’s more likely, Holly asks Jane for a ‘you watch my back,
I’ll watch your back’ alliance. One of these
women made fire with a pair of glasses and works hard around camp, the
other has destroyed a tribemate’s pair of shoes
and is known for being batshit crazy, this isn’t an equal alliance for
Jane. Jane tells us that she thinks Dan should go,
and she doesn’t want Jimmy Johnson to go but she doesn’t want Dan to go
either, Tribal just sucks. Jane’s not exactly
made of the sternest stuff when it comes to Survivoring.
Yve, Holly and Jimmy Johnson fish, Jimmy tells the girls he might be
going home tonight, and they both pout and say
they don’t want him to go. This is the problem with Jimmy Johnson, is
that he’s playing this game like his rock star status
is only a drawback and can’t be a bonus for him. He tries to lead
around camp and stuff, but he doesn’t try to lead on
these votes. He needed to just be the Alpha male and be ‘screw it, I’m
Jimmy Johnson, I won two Super Bowls with
the Dallas Cowboys, I’m a winner, and ya’ll should follow me!” but he
sort of had one foot out of the game the whole time,
he never just took over the tribe politically, he just sorta loiters
around and acts like “Well, there’s one other person weaker
than me.” And that’s not an alpha male mentality. If he lobbied
everyone hard to vote out Dan, and that led to a confrontation
with Marty, then we’d have the epic Boston Rob Vs Russell throw down,
instead we got Jimmy just sort of hoping he’ll stick around.
Tyrone and Marty talk. Tyrone isn’t sold on Jimmy Johnson going next,
because Dan’s a gimp. Marty tells America that
Tyrone isn’t getting it, and that his answer was awful and showed how
clueless Tyrone is. Because Tyrone should have
answered “Oh, right, once Jimmy’s voted out, you’ll be in charge of the
tribe, and we’ll all defer to you, Marty, King of
Tribe Geezer, lord of the elderly and infirm.” That would have shown
that Tyrone understands the proper way to play
Survivor. Poor dumb Tyrone, not understanding that Marty is what
matters here.
We’re off to Tribal where Probst pretty much begs the tribe to vote out
Dan, because he’s some faceless useless old man,
and Jimmy Johnson is the producer’s play thing when it comes to Team
Geezer, and once he’s gone, they’ll be stuck
giving the old folks as little air time as possible while they run 35
NaOnka “Seriously?! You called with Ace Queen?!
You gotta be kidding me!” promos every show for the next month.
Tragically the tribe does not see things as Jeff or the producers would
like them to see it, and Jimmy Johnson is sent home.
The old folks are now officially under the control of Marty and Jill.
Thoughts
I hate the producers need for villains, NaOnka is just an awful person
and player, giving her tons of airtime is stupid,
yeah I want her to lose, but I want her to lose because she sucks and
is awful, not because I want to see her get her
comeuppance. In wrestling the crowd reaction, the bad guys get
what is called “heat”. You want the crowd to hate
the bad guy, and pay money to see them lose. Some bad guys have “Go
away heat” which is the crowd doesn’t pay
to see them, and changes the channel when they are on TV, because they
suck, and you don’t like them and don’t
want to deal with them, NaOnka has “Go Away Heat”. She’s not a good
player, she’ll lose, and it’ll be disinteresting
since she can’t win. Of course I say this and she’ll have a deep run
and drive me up a wall with how stupid and useless
she is and yet she still lasts and lasts.
About the only good news is that the old folks seem to pretty much suck
at challenges, so odds are we’ll have the
young folks get more and more clues for their idol, which hopefully
Alina or Kelly B. will find. And while that
happens we’ll watch Dan and Holly get sent off, and I think if it gets
to out of hand (Say 3 more victories in a row
by the young folks) the producers will step in with a tribe shake-up to
try to balance the game.he
Questions/comments send them to Mikethedealer@hotmail.com
I'm certainly no Jimmy Johnson fan but they were crazy to
get rid of him.
He's easily the best organizer/motivator on the island, so why dump a
strong player?
There are LOTS of useless people on the island that needed to go home
before JJ.
Survivor is weird in that they send home the leaders and
let the slackers run things.
If you have half a brain or if you know how to plug a
leaky tent you'd better keep
your ideas to yourself and just act like a stooge so they'll keep you.