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The Teabagger Pledge
I, __(Teabagger's name here)__, do solemnly swear
to uphold the principles of a socialism-free society
and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly
adhere to the following:
I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment
Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 1st
Amendment Rights.
I will complain about the destruction of my 2nd
Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise
my 2nd Amendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing unconcealed
firearms in public.
I will foreswear the time-honored principles
of fairness, decency, and respect by screaming unintelligible platitudes
regarding tyranny, Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls.
Also, I pledge to eliminate all government
intervention in my life. I will abstain from the use of
and participation in any socialist goods and
services including but not limited to the following:
· Social Security
· Medicare/Medicaid
· State Childrens Health Insurance Programs
(SCHIP)
· Police, Fire, and Emergency Services
· US Postal Service
· Roads and Highways
· Air Travel (regulated by the socialist
FAA)
· The US Railway System
· Public Subways and Metro Systems
· Public Bus and Lightrail Systems
· Rest Areas on Highways
· Sidewalks
· All Government-Funded Local/State Projects
(e.g., see Iowa 2009 federal senate appropriations)
· Public Water and Sewer Services (goodbye
socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink, outdoor hose!)
· Public and State Universities and Colleges
· Public Primary and Secondary Schools
· Sesame Street
· Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education
for Children
· Public Museums
· Libraries
· Public Parks and Beaches
· State and National Parks
· Public Zoos
· Unemployment Insurance
· Municipal Garbage and Recycling Services
· Treatment at Any Hospital or Clinic
That Ever Received Funding From Local, State, or Federal Government (pretty
much all of them)
· Medical Services and Medications That
Were Created or Derived From Any Government Grant or Research Funding (again,
pretty much all of them)
· Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment
Such as Duct Tape and Velcro (Nazi-NASA Inventions)
· Use of the Internets, email, and networked
computers, as the DoD's ARPANET was the basis for subsequent computer networking
· Foodstuffs, Meats, Produce and Crops
That Were Grown With, Fed With, Raised With or That Contain Inputs From
Crops Grown With Government Subsidies
· Clothing Made from Crops (e.g. cotton)
That Were Grown With or That Contain Inputs From Government Subsidies
· If a veteran of the government-run socialist
US military, I will forego my VA benefits and insist on paying for my own
medical care
I will not tour socialist government buildings
like the Capitol in Washington, D.C.
I pledge to never take myself, my family, or
my children on a tour of the following types of socialist locations, including
but not limited to:
· Smithsonian Museums such as the Air
and Space Museum or Museum of American History
· The socialist Washington, Lincoln, and
Jefferson Monuments
· The government-operated Statue of Liberty
· The Grand Canyon
· The socialist World War II and Vietnam
Veterans Memorials
· The government-run socialist-propaganda
location known as Arlington National Cemetery
· All other public-funded socialist sites,
whether it be in my state or in Washington, DC
I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators
to forego their government salary and government-provided healthcare.
I will oppose and condemn the government-funded
and therefore socialist military of the United States of America.
I will boycott the products of socialist defense
contractors such as GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing, Northrop Grumman, General
Dynamics, Raytheon,
Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and
all others paid by our socialist government to produce goods for our socialist
army.
I will protest socialist security departments
such as the Pentagon, FBI, CIA, Department of Homeland Security, TSA, Department
of Justice.
Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will
destroy my socialist Social Security checks.
Upon reaching age 65, I will forego Medicare
and pay for my own private health insurance while I live.
SWORN ON A BIBLE and SIGNED this day of __________
in the year ________.
________________________________________
Signed
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