Green text contains no spoilers
 1. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid. 
     Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
     Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
     Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
     Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
     Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid.
     I take it back. 'Panic Room' wasn't that bad.
 
2. Dakota Fanning deserves a 'Best Actress" nomination

3. Tom Cruise can't act.  There's a scene about 25 minutes in,
     where he's running in a panic - and even running, he can't act.
     Repeat. When Tom Cruise runs, you can tell he's a bad actor.

4. When a movie has dialog like this, it's a total loser.
    "Get in the truck."
    "Get in the truck."
    "I said, get in the truck."
    "Get in the truck!!."
   "Get in the truck!!."
   "Get in the truck!!!"

 If you're not Bob DeNiro saying "You talkin' to me?"
 repeating a line again and again, over and over is the kiss of death.
 I'll bet there are 50 sentences in this movie that are repeated again and again.

  "You can't do that."
  "You can't do that!."
 "You can't do that!"
  "I said you can't do that."
 "You can't do that!"
  "I won't let you do that."
 "I won't let you do that."
  "You can't do that!."
 "You can't do that!."
 
 
 
 

 Spoilers begin
 
 
 
 
 

5. F-ing please!
    How many "Rs" are there in "super-retarded?"
    This movie is the worst date movie of all time.

Full Disclosure:
But I must say, Mrs Bart loved it. She was scared to death the whole time,
and I was too, in a movie-type way, but it was a fear with no hope at all.
Ten minutes after the monsters arrive, I'm turning to God because we're all dead.
Dead, dead, dead - everyone on earth, dead, dead, dead.

...who wants to spend two hours in a hellhole of "all is screwed" with no chance to survive?

If you brought a date to this movie, I hope you have some porn back at the house
because you'll be lucky to get a cold handshake at the end of this "date."

Sidebar:
Mr & Mrs Smith is a great date movie.
It'sd got problems, too, but you're not looking to kill yourself to have a better day.

6. The Logic Factor

There are thousands and thousands of all-powerful monsters.
That's what makes the movie such a drag.

In the ferry scene near the end?
There are six alien monsters, each one taller than the St Louis arch, digging into individual houses,
looking into closets with their "peering pod tentacles," ...all in less than one square mile of land.

Extrapolating, there must be thousands and thousands of monsters.
It what Paris must've felt like in 1943.
It's the end of the world - there's no point to moving on or trying to live.
Two loooooooong hours of no point trying to live.
 

7. No electronics

Of course, the scriptwriters decided that the evil aliens would use lightning and solar flares
that would knock out all worldwide communications.

Sidebar:
Thunder stolen by Independence Day.
Independence Daywas War of the Worlds, down to it's "virus, anti-body" climax,
but ID did it first and they did it better so Cruise/Speilberg came up late and short.

Since there were no electronics in the War of the Worlds movie, we never knew what was
happening in DC, in Japan, in London, in Moscow, in Cairo, in New Delhi, which was an angle
Independence Day handled perfectly.  In this movie, if it didn't happen within 20 feet of Cruise,
we never got to see it so we missed out on, like, 95 percent of this great and exciting story.

 8. Tom Cruise, bless his heart.

He's been in the news a lot, screwing up, and as I learn more about him, I find that
some early impressions don't always hold up under the weight of time.

"The book" (from a recent BCR Show) on Tom Cruise is that he has no acting talent
but he's an incredible judge of which movie to do with what stars and what directors.

That - being able to make good choices - is what wins poker tournaments.
If he could only act!

Note to self:
Don't play poker with Cruise

Poor bastard, he was playing scenes with Dakota Fanning!
Dakota Fanning is one of the best actresses I've ever seen - and I've seen them all!!!

ha ha
A little "Godfather" reference for Randi Rhodes fans...

Dakota Fanning  ...have you ever seen kid act this good?

Cruise, gotta give him credit, has been willing to step into the ring with the best.
He doesn't mind playing the wooden Indian when he shares the screen.
For that - (scratches beard...)respect must be given.

ha ha
That was my Brando!
Did you like it?
A little more "Godfather" for the RR crew...
 

9. The "hours stolen" factor.

You'd be crazy to trust my opinion of War of the Worlds.
I extra-like Speilburg, but I, Bart, can out-act Cruise.
So can my $80 Jetsons Super Chair (that cured my career-killing tennis elbow.)

There's a famous movie with James Caan and Kathy Bates.
Kathy breaks his legs with baseball bats, and keeps breakin'em and keeps breakin'em.
I never found time to see that movie.

I also never saw Papillion, with Hoffman and McQueen?  is that who was in that?
Never saw that, either - didnt want to spend two hours in prison where they eat cockroaches.

But if you'd like to spend two hours in some, "I wish I was on the Titanic instead of here," movie,
then your dollars couldn't be any better spend that going (with your mega-frigid date) to hell with Tom Cruise.
 

 10. The ending

So after 1:45 of "Christ, we're screwed - with no possible chance of surviving,"
the monsters suddenly fall down and the screen says, "Directed by Steven Speilberg."

I'd be ashamed to put my name on this movie - and I like Spielberg - who doesn't?
but I've never been able to completely forgive him for "Duel."

Sidebar:
"Duel" was another Speilberg disaster...

Two loooooong hours of, "Why's he trying to run me off the road?"
"Why's he trying to run me off the road?"
"Is he crazy?"
"Why's he trying to run me off the road?"
"This is crazy!"
"Why's he trying to run me off the road?"
"Is he crazy?"

Two hours of that.
Two hours of that, gone from your life - forever.
 
 

So ask a friend who's not Cruise-tainted before you go.
Trust me, you want to see this on your home TV so you can hoot and scream
at the TV every time Cruise does something too stupid to believe.

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