We'd like to begin by stating not all unmarried women over 40 are lesbians.
RL-LNW regrets the confusion.
A kid walks up to Limba with a pen and paper and says:
"Excuse me, Sir.
Could I get your swastica?"
Curtis Scott is in serious condition in a Knoxville hospital after being
bitten by
a 4 foot rattlesnake during a revival meeting at the House of Prayer
on Stinking Creek.
State police are investigating because snake-handling is ILLEGAL in
Tennessee.
Wait a minute!
That religion is illegal in Tennessee?
Snake-handlers OWN Oklahoma.
(Who do you think elected Jim Inhofe?)
Why aren't the other religions demanding that the government butt out
of this situation?
Where's the outrage?
Why can't the snake-handlers practice their religion?
Is it because snake-handling isn't a "real" religion?
Is it because snake-handlers believe in stupid shit?
Is it because snake-handling is illogical?
If the government decides snak-handling isn't a "real"
religion, why would YOU assumes your religion is "real?"
You religious nuts are sooo whacked....
He Did it Again
"There are three kinds of people in the world,"
Dole told the crowd in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
"Those that can count ....and those that can't."
Before the staff could stop him, he did it again.
"Five out of three Americans don't know fractions."
I wonder....
In 1988, Willie Horton picked our President.
In 1992, Ross Perot got to pick.
Who will decide for us this year?
The Tent gets Bigger
After warmly embracing Republicans who believe in "murdering" babies,
Bob Dole further shocked his party by saying he'd welcome the support
of thieves,
traitors, kidnappers, rapists, crack-heads, carjackers, rustlers, hustlers,
embezzlers,
scam-artists, safe-crackers, muggers, drug-smugglers, buggerers, bushwackers,
rapists, Catholics, sidewinders, bandits, and the insane.
...but not the Irish.
It must be a slap at Buchanan.
And if "murderers" are welcome in the GOP,
does that mean minorities are now accepted?
Why not?
Lardboy Anagrams
a big hurl mush hurl a bum sigh him hurt bag us
him a lug brush a bum high slur slumburg hi ha
The Southern Christian Leadership Conference contacted
Ralph Reed at the Coathanger Coalition to ask for his
assistance in fighting the outbreak of church fires.
This was the reply they received:
"Dear SCLC,
We'd really like to help, but we're much too busy.
We're helping to push through a cut in the capital gains
tax rate. This is important to all Christians.
We're also working with the NRA to get rid of the
liberals in Congress that don't want assault weapons
on their neighborhood streets.
I'm sure you'd agree that tax cuts and more guns is
a more important than saving black churches.
If a white church burns, let us know."
Ralph Reed
Top Ten Reasons to Hate Blacks
Here we go....
10. Because God said so.
9. Because Rush said so.
8. Because the Klan said so.
7. Because the Freemen said so.
6. ...I forget.
Who are the other six?
This Week on Brinkley, they whined.
They whined about Hazel O'Leary, which may be legit.
We're only getting the bad half of the story.
Is there a good half?
If Hazel spend $4,000,000 on trips, BUT brought home
a billion dollars worth of business, she's OK.
But if she's just throwing money away,
Clinton should fire her.
It's that simple.
They also whined about the new FBI-filegate thing.
It's really too early to know what all happened, but ever since BC
and HRC moved in,
the GOP has launched one phony "investigation" after another.
For some reason, the never-ending Republican probes,
you know the ones - the ones that ALWAYS come up empty,
those are good and fine and perfect.
But if the White House wants to "investigate" the criminals
in the GOP, we suddenly have a terrible scandal?
Then they whined about the White House barricades.
Hey, George Will.
Blow me!
The reason those barricades weren't needed before is because when democrats
get upset,
they DON'T grab a gun and run to the White House. If the right could
learn to use a ballot box
INSTEAD of an AK-47, or a goddamn Ryder truckfull of fertilizer,
we could give "the people" their open house back.
Tim McVeigh made the decision to cut off public access.
Tim McVeigh is a Limba/Gingrich Republican.
Bitch at him, not us.
Bob Dole's first wife, Phyllis came to visit. She pulled
Elizabitch aside and asked "How's his mind holding up?"
The current Mrs. Dole said "He has good days and bad days.
Today, he's OK, knock on wood," as she rapped his oak desk.
A few minutes passed by and Dole said,
"Somebody gonna get the door or what?
The next morning, Phyllis asked Dole if he was happy.
"I live a charmed life," said the GOP nominee.
"When I use the bathroom at night, the Lord turns on the
light for me. When I'm done, the Lord turns the light off."
Later, a puzzled Phyllis asked Elizabitch what he meant.
"Poor Bob. He's been peeing in the refrigerator again."
This Just In...
CNN/USA Today just released a poll saying 2/3 of voting
Republicans believe in "murdering" little defenseless babies.
Why do I keep hammering away at this?
Because after decades of using the inflammatory language
and the word "murderers," to decribe pro-choicers, they're
now retreating, admitting that a MAJORITY of Republicans are,
by their own admission, "pro-murder."
They can't have it both ways.
They WANT it both ways,
but they can't have it.
It's time for them to decide.
Either:
Abortion is a private decision between a woman,
her doctor and, if she's superstitious, her God.
OR
Two Thirds of Republicans ARE PRO-MURDER!!!!!!!!!!!
Decide, sheep!
Then shut the hell up.
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