Suit Of Lights
Issue #98

Rush Limba - Lying Nazi Whore

Great GOP Quotes

"I don't give a fuck what happens. I want you all to stonewall it,
let them plead the Fifth Amendment, cover it up or anything else."

-- The Un-Indicted Dick,
from the tapes, June 23, 1972

If you have a sense of humor,
AND a strong stomach...

I posted a bunch of naked Paula Jones pictures on the net.
These are authentic pictures from her Penthouse pictures.

I'm going to re-post them every Saturday that Paula is accusing
President Clinton, so we may be seeing a lot of her.

Don't know how to find them?
Check in the newsgroups.

By the way,
I can identify the specific "distinguishing chacteristics"
of Paula Jones's naked body.

Wait, I just thought of something:
If I can identify these characteristics of Paula Jones's body,
isn't that proof that I was sexually harassed by her?

Hey, Paula!

This smells like money.

Point your browser to

alt.politics.usa.republican

alt.fan.rush-limbaugh

The files are labeled.

(For the women*:
If you need picture-decoding software, search for "forte"
in yahoo and get forte's "Free Agent" program. Download it
and gag at these awful pictures of the accuser of the President.
Barf bags are free.)

[*The men, of course, need no help with picture-decoding.]

DISCLAIMER:

(BartCop and IfItMovesTaxit Inc. cannot be held responsible
if you go scooters after seeing pictures of Paula Jones naked.
We are not posting these trailer-quality pictures to tittilate.
This is first-hand, best visual evidence of a historical,
presidential court case of consitutional dimensions.

The likelyhood of the accusations being true are DIRECTLY
connected to the attractiveness of the accuser.

If Bill Clinton propositioned THIS woman,
he is not fit for high office.)

Sorry this issue was so late getting out.

I was stuck for 11 days at an intersection behind a lady
driving a van full of kids trying to make a left.

DC WANT ADS

-LOST PETS

Will You Help Me Find My Dog? Very, very smart dog, answers
to "Shadrack." Lost in the Georgetown area near the Dan
Quayle Think Tanke. He's a small, light-brown Mexican hairless,
with a really gay-looking pink bow in his hair. Yaps like Bob
Dornan. Look for a black "C.C." studded, leather collar, last
worn by Bob Dole in San Diego. Last seen near a long, black
limo with mob plates. No reward, but I will pray for you.

Please call 1-800-EFF-EMME.

Ask for
Ralph (Beat-My-Baby) Reed

Great GOP Quotes

"Judge my ability to make decisions
by who I select as a running mate!"

You already know, don't you?

George Herbert Traitor Butch, July 1988

Cheeses!

Did you see Susie "Creamcheese" Molinari on Letterman
in that little black "f-me" mini-skirt?

What did I tell you?

SEE? SEE? SEE?

Volume 97 went out Tuesday evening, the 10th.
Check the date.

I mentioned Susie Creamcheese's new ho-job with CBS.

The next night, the 11th, she's on Letterman wearing a tight,
slinky-black "I'm-yours-for-a-twenty" skirt.

Cheeses!

I guess she DOES work for CBS now.

As a red-blooded American man, I enjoyed watching her long legs
kick as she and Dave talked issues, but I've never seen a real
politician jack her skirt up THAT high for ratings.

About halfway through the interview, Susie felt a draft, so
she put her palms on her skirt and tried to push it back down.
Suze, you'd better get used to showing it to people.

You went from Republican politician to ratings-whore.

(Diane Sawyer, call your office)

All in all, an interview I'm glad I taped...

>From the Boston Herald, June 7, 1997

James Taylor sang the first few bars of "You've Got a Friend,"
then noticed our hero Rush Limba in the audience,

..stopped singing, and left the stage.

Great Rush Quotes

"I... I RESENT being called a radical. I..I...I'm NOT a radical!
I... I'm not here to change people's minds, or cause trouble.
I'm here to acquire an audience and have fun with it."

-- Fatty FeedBag, Crossfire 1990,
BEFORE his godhood complex

FUN WITH MATH

According to a recent CNN Poll, 50 percent of America believes
that aliens have taken earthlings onboard their spaceships.

Also, nine percent think aliens were hiding near Hale-Bopp.
and... Rush brags about having 4,000,000 listeners per day.

The nine percent of Americans who think aliens rode Hale-Bopp
equals about 20,000,000 people, so, the insane Cometeer-wackos
outnumber Republican ditto-monkeys 5-to-1.

For means of comparison, the RL-LNW newsletter has up to
56,600,000 readers, and that's documented - not a poll.

Do the math...

Great Spontaneous Quotes

"Clinton is like Barry Switzer.
As long as he takes us to the Super Bowl,
we won't bother him with a bunch of questions."

-- A Dallas Voter

BartCop - Profiler

The Atlanta office of the FBI says the taunting letters
mailed to them from the "Army of God" show true hatred.
The letters express animosity toward homosexuality, abortion,
education, and the power of the federal government.

Sounds like a garden-variety ditto-monkey.

The FBI said the letters were full of spelling errors.
"We will targit sodomites, and there orgenisations,
and all thoes who push there agennda."

Hey, FBI!

If you're looking for right-wing troglodytes who can't spell,
check my flame-mail and people who voted for Dole.

>From RL-LNW Volume 71

What's Richard Jewell's problem?

You know him, right? The Bubba-bomber?
TIME called him a "Rush Limbaugh weigh-alike."

He's whining and whining about how the FBI and the media
destroyed his "good name." What a crock!

Who HAS a "good name?"

Does Paula Jones?

Ha Ha

"Paula, The Poser? A good name?"

Ha Ha

Certainly, I don't have a "good name."
What's somebody going to do?

Say "BartCop is a nut?"

So, my "character" is besmirched?
(Isn't besmirched a dumb-ass word?)

I don't give a fuck what somebody thinks about my "good name."
Anyone who wants to comment on my character can either say
something funny or clever or they can eat me.

It's that simple.

You know how many times I've been called "nigger-loving faggot,"
because I support equal rights for black and gay Americans?

So, I'm supposed to get pissed and sue somebody?

ha ha ha

Seems to me, PRODUCTS should be protected, not people.
If someone claims a Ford Explorer tips over too easy,
thereby killing Explorer's reputation, THAT'S not cool.

If someone says Wendy's uses dogs and cats in their burgers,
THAT'S not cool.

But personal slurs being the cause of litigation?
What's Paula Jones really after?

If personal slurs were illegal, Fatty Feedbag would be
having "rump parties" with Tim McVeigh right now.

There's currently a BIG uproar about the idea of "whitey"
apologizing to the black man for the centuries of slavery.
As always, Clinton wants to befriend the black American.
Snoot says "Fuck 'em. That's just emotional symbolism."

Snoot says "If they want an apology, let 'em go to the
Lincoln Monument and read Lincoln's second address."

Having fucked up not quite enough, Snoot then said,
"Americans bled and died to stamp out slavery,
and I see no need to fight those same battles again."

Wasn't Snoot a history teacher?

Doesn't he know why the Civil War was fought?
The Civil War wasn't fought over slavery.
It was fought because conservative, southern rednecks didn't
want the federal government butting into their "states rights."

Why doesn't Snoot-the-history-teacher know this?

In 1996, Dole made that the CORNERSTONE of his platform.
At every campaign stop, after screwing up everything he meant
to say, Dole would whip out the tenth amendment and talk about
how awful it was that the federal government wouldn't let
states like Mississippi decide on issues such as slavery.

Why doesn't Snoot-the-history-teacher know this?
And why is Bob Dole still fighting the Civil War?

"It's a GAME! Come KEEN, Mister Pessnit!
Wake UP! Wake UP! Where's the outrage?"

The queerest of the queer

The strangest of the strange

The dumbest of the dumb

He's even got the mange

The slur behind the smile

The fake behind the fear

The swagger and the smirk

The hate in highest gear

The blindest of the blind

He's hungry cause he ate

The deadest of the dead

He tells them that he's great

The coldest of the cold

The lamest of the lame

The mildew and the mold

The puta has no shame

The slur behind the smile

The fake behind the fear

The man who sells the trooth

The cyst upon the rear

Great Rush Quotes

"I get no puff-balls from Marta."

Oh, no!

Jesse Helms just sneezed and broke his hip!

..and it's NOT funny.

Watergate is...

The Mother of all political crimes, if you ask normal folk.

Whitewater is...

Bigger than Watergate, by far, if you ask a Ditto-monkey.

Col. Cholesterol says the GOP needs "a democratic John Dean,"
to stab his old friend Bill Clinton in the back.
Sorry, Dash, no asshole traitors on our side.

I know!

Let's use math and logic to compare the two "-gates."

======================================
The Watergate/Whitewater Quick Quiz
======================================

Q. How many White House criminals were charged with a crime?

WG. Not very many, less than 70.

WW. None so far.

Q. How many White House criminals pleaded guilty?

WG. Again, not too many, less than 50.

WW. No charges yet, but there will be some, maybe.

Q. How many White House criminals were convicted after a trial?

WG. Barely more than a dozen.

WW. None brought to trial, but that could always change.

Q. How many White House criminals served hard time?

WG. Not that many, less than 30.

WW. So far, no charges have been filed.

Q. Prior to Snoot Gingrich, who was the biggest political
asshole in all of America's 20th-Century history?

WG. The Un-Indicted Dick.

WW. Rush Limba

EXTRA-TOUGH Bonus Question:

Which event happened first?

August 9, 1974

July 16, 1973?

Issue #100 of RL-LNW is just around the corner.

How's the ribbon in your printer?

Great Rush Quotes

"It's been months....YEARS, since we've heard anything about
a hate crime, so why is Clinton talking about them now???"

Rush Limba,
Manager of Race Mountain

I wonder, in Rush's lifetime, if he will ever understand
what seems to be crystal clear to everyone else?

Great Nixonian Quotes

"Just break in, and blow the goddamn safe."

-- The Un-Indicted Dick, from the tapes, Dec 6, 1972.

(I wish Nixon was still around.)

Is there anything more fun than watching McLaughlin and Fred Barnes
arguing over whether Clinton scored a knockdown or a knockout with
his handling of the Republican's most recent catostrophic meltdown,
the bungling of the flood disaster bill?

(The entire week, Fatty Feedbag was BEGGING the GOP bosses to
"stay the course" and fuck up this political trainwreck even more.)

Then, for dessert, Barnes and McLaughlin argued over whether
Trent Lott should be allowed to keep his post as Senate leader.

Dick Morris, come back!!

All is forgiven.

Trent NEEDS you!

Hurry!

Do they have a choice?

Can they dump Lott now?

Snoot the Impaler is dying a slow, slow death before our eyes.

If Trent Lott goes down in flames, who leads the GOP?

Dick, the Foul-Mouthed Texan?

Ha! Please, God.

Make it so.

Remember, Rush PREDICTED Clinton was a party-destroyer!

SEE? SEE? SEE?

ha ha ha

I received a bullet in the mail yesterday.

Somebody can't take a joke.

Great GOP Quotes

"This Republican proposal to reduce the rate that capital gains
are taxed is MEANS TESTED.

That means the wealthy will pay MORE, which is LIBERALISM!!!!
That's right out of the Karl Marx manifesto, it's not American."

-- Slurs-R-Us Radio Show, 6/11/97

Hey, Dirty-ass.

These are YOUR heroes proposing this Marxism.

These are YOUR Republicans that turned commie-bastard on us.

You dumb pig.

Did the Dingo steal your Congress, Rush?

Top Ten Disney Movies Home-edited by Clarence "Slappy" Thomas
(Editing Disney characters into his porn collection.)

10. Bedknobs, Broomsticks and Jodie

9. Pokemahontas

8. That's Not Goofy's Nose

7. Hercules In Chains

6. Aladdin '97: "Rub It Again!"

5. It's a Large World After All

4. The Humpback of Notre Dame

3. Hookers of the Caribbean

2. Beauty and the Bobbitt

1. Snow White For Seven Brothers

I still can't believe Butch appointed Clarence Thomas.

USA TODAY Headline

Poll: WHITES INCREASINGLY ACCEPT BLACKS

But, that can't be.

Rush said America is turning more conservative.

Great GOP Quotes

"Grown men should not be having sex with
prostitutes unless they are married to them.''

-- Jerry Falwell, CNN's Crossfire, 5/16/97

In Chicago Tuesday, a CBS reporter caught Bob Dole leaving the
Cubs game and asked him what he thought about the day's events.

Dole: "Pessnit Kinton refuses to help those poor people
in Alabama... ...eh? What? Oh, North Dakota...
shit, somewhere, it's there...
Is it still flooding?
...It's wet where the flood is flooding...
wet, terrible wet flooding.. Uhmmm...
This disaster-relief bill is bad for the people who are
affected. It's Bad! It's Bad! Merica, Wake Up! Wake Up!
Where the outrage? Wake up before it's too late!
Come KEEN, Mister Peenit! Merica, Wake Up! Wake Up!!
...is that enough for your newscast?"

Reporter: "Sir, I meant... did you like the baseball game?"

Dole: What ball game?

MAIL BAG

We're not getting any hate mail.

I wonder why...

If you know a conservative, could you show him this newsletter?
That mail can be funny stuff.

>From alt.fan.rush-limba

Please boycott Disneyworld from 6-27 to 6-30-97.
I intend to spend those days at Disneyworld with my kids
and I'd appreciate shorter lines at the rides and stores.
It's also much more fun without bible-thumpers.
I might even get to buy something in the gift stores.
The stores are always so crowded.

So y'all Baptists, keep those dates in mind
if your kids let you get away with it.

(no name)

Great GOP Quotes

"Born in opposition - first to communism and then to the welfare
state - American conservatives have had little practice doing
anything except whining and opposing things.

It's time to decide:
Is the conservative movement going to be defined by the Social
Darwinism and CARPING, SMALL-MINDEDNESS OF LIMBAUGH and the
Leave Us Alone Coalition or by the generous civic-mindedness
that was central to America's founding?"

-- Arianna Huffington, US News & World Report, 5/19/97

Great Rush Quotes

"Gephart NOW claims he's against China's forced-abortion policy.
You know why Gephart is against forced-abortion?
You know why Gephart is against forced-abortion?

I'll TELL you why...

Because he's running - he's running SCARED!
He's in abject PANIC, trying to convince voters that there's a
tiny piece of him that might care what happens to that baby.
He should be ashamed, pretending he cares... pretending he
gives a rat's behind what happens to those babies."

Feedbag, you cunt.

You really are a fine human being, aren't you?

You finally found a liberal who's against forced abortions?

Blome, you lying dog.

Great GOP Quotes

"People that are really very weird can get into sensitive
positions and have a tremendous impact on history."

-- Vice President J. Danforth Spud

M - I - C...

"We're NOT going to "C" you this year at Disneyworld!"

K - E - Y...

"Y? Because religion killed our sanity, that's why."

M-O-U-S-E...

Them wacky ditto-monkeys are at it again.

So, we're going to boycott Disney, the primary source of
family and children's entertainment in America?

And how will you explain that to your children?

Will you "educate" them on the "horror" of the lifestyle
of the Christians that God chose to make gay?

How could He make such a BIG mistake?
I thought they said God was smart.

Disney's crime is providing health insurance to a group of
Americans that the Coathanger Coalition decided are so evil,
that health care must be withheld at all costs.

Jesus Christ!

In some POW camps, they allow access to medical care,
but gays can't get that in today's Christian America?

How DARE Disney allow those people health care!
If gays are allowed access to health care, they might actually
LIVE longer, and isn't that against everything the
I-speak-for-God crowd believes in?

If Jesus was here, would he want the gays alive or dead?

He spent time with hookers and lepers, but Christians should
shun and condemn Christians born with a gay gene?

Fat Bastard says they often close Disneyland and Disneyworld
so gays can have the park to themselves. I can't swear this
is false, but I assume it's just another Rush-lie.
I can't imagine the Disney ticket office asking customers to
prove they're gay to get into the park.

Sounds like a really bad Chevy Chase movie.

The poor son-of-a-bitch drives all across America to show his
family a good time at Disneyland, but they can't get in until
they all perform an act of sodomy for Tom the ticket-taker?

Does this sound possible to you?
Sounds to me like the GOP's Truth Detector might be lying.

The Southern Baptists claim "thousands of families"
have cancelled their subscription to the Disney Channel.

That's another super-smart idea.
They cancel Disney, but they still have HBO, and Showtime?

Who's in charge of the logic, here?
Bob Dole?

There's a cancer eating away at the Republican Party.

It's called religious hate.

So, that big trip to Disneyworld you promised your kids?
That's cancelled.

It doesn't matter if you promised your son a dream vacation
when he was laying there in that body cast.
Screw that promise.

The TV evangelists say we should hate gays, so we shall!

Besides, if you go to Disneyworld, Goofy and Mickey might drag
your kids in the bushes and sodomize them. If Disney is going
to "promote" a gay lifestyle, doesn't it follow that they're
child-molesters, out to "recruit" your kids?

One thing science has proven:
If your kid sees gay people at an amusement park,
he'll run right out and buy a Judy Garland CD.

So, forget the new Hercules movie.
After all, Hercules wears a little skirt with a sash.
And you need to clean out your house:
Throw away your tapes of the Lion King and the Little Mermaid.
And your Aladdin tape? It's gotta go.

Besides, as if we needed MORE prove of Disney's perverted
carnality, Robin Williams once played a gay person in a movie!
Aladdin should be BURNED, run through with a wooden stake,
and splashed with holy water, just to be safe.

As I look through my TV Guide, I see all the shows that
we can't watch on Disney-owned ABC television.
Let's make a list of the evil shows:

-Felix the Cat

-Bugs Bunny and Tweety

-Winnie the Pooh

-Wide World of Sports

-Wheel of Fortune

-Lois and Clark

-Interfaith

-The Hour of Power

-Search for Christ

-This Week with David Brinkley

-Methodist Church Services