Marc Perkel is going to save the US Constitution
ha ha
Go, Marc!
From: Simmons Maj Phillip E
Subject: You are creating quite a following here at the MEU...
MEU is Marine Expeditionary Unit. It is
a composite fighting unit consisting of
a reinforced infantry battalion (reinforced with
a tank platoon, an Light Armor
Vehicle Company, an Artillery Battery, and a
Assault Amphibious Vehicle company.
There is also a composite squadron (consisting
of rotary and fixed wing aircraft)
and a service support element (the beans, bullets
and band aids). This is the smallest
maneuver warfare element the Marine Corps fights
with.
We are part of the command element...the staff
of the MEU commander...and
your page has created quite a stir...but I will
say has gotten quite a few hits...
I gather recent events have been good for traffic...keep
up the good work,
love the no advertising thing...adds credibility
in mind...
regards
simmons
Major,
Tell the boys (got any women?) BartCop is behind them!
My counter says I'm getting 30 hits a day from MIL domains.
That's not a lot, but - for a liberal - I'm happy with that figure.
Don't know if you're a long-time reader, but I used to approve applications
for car loans. If a guy listed the service as a previous job, I pushed
harder
for him to get that car. If he was currently in the service - he got
the car.
To some, that makes me a pinko affirmative-action, set-aside liberal
giving
some people preference over others, but fuck what people think.
I think you guys deserve a break and a raise.
When you get out, you deserve home loans and GI Bill etc etc.
You fight for us, we should fight for you.
I'll bet there's not even two percent of America who's ever spent Christmas
in a wet fucking tent, colder than a mother-effer while Ol' BartCop
was cozy
and warm in my home, sipping on my fancy tequila, living the good life.
A shot of Chinaco for you guys!
The sentinels of freedom!
Hey - if you'd like to write some stuff to go on bartcop.com
just send it in and I'll print it. Tell us about some places you've
been.
Tell us some funny stories and some not-so funny stories.
I'd like to hear them.
...and a big raise for you guys while we have the money!
Smirk's tax cut for the super-rich can wait till you guys get a big-ass
piece of the pie.
How about a bonus Page Two Girl for you guys?
How low will Tom Delay go?
From: dmbradford@altavista.com
Subject: Quick Suggestion
I am a new fan of your site and I'd like to see
a FAQ.
Specifically I don't always understand the nicknames
you use.
For example, I understand "Doc Meng" is Dr. Laura,
but I don't get the reference.
I'd also kinda like to see a search function.
That would help new fans like myself with catching
up too.
Love your site, keep up the good work.
It's really nice to see a leftie throwing some
big rocks for a change.
David
David, thanks.
The Doc meng thing is from waaaay back.
When I first thought of the spread-legged, LA She-Thing as a Nazi doctor,
I thought of Josef Mengele, the only other Nazi doctor.
I agree about the FAQ.
I know people are tired of me asking for help, but it would take time
for me
to whip that FAQ together plus, I may be too close to the trees to
do it right.
Besides Doc Meng, I'm not sure what else should be on the list.
I'm sure it's confusing for a new reader to see a reference to
"Doc Meng" or "the Methane Factory," but I wouldn't know how
to assemble that list because I know what all the slurs mean :)
There is a search engine on the main page, but it's ...imperfect.
Sometimes I can type in "tequila" or "Las Vegas" and it comes up empty
but trust me, there's lots tequila and Vegas stories.
Thanks, and I hope you stick around.
Koresh!!
From: stubby_rodriguez@yahoo.com
Subject: Right
in front of our eyes
Bush supporters love to ridicule the 19,000
Palm Beach voters
who didn't fill out their ballots
correctly.
The reason?
Because they are Gore voters.
Yet, as soon as they admit that they were
Gore voters,
they admit that Gore should
have won Florida.
So I say, please heap on the ridicule,
keep telling everyone how Gore should have
won.
Stubby
Stubby, excellent observation.
Far as I know, you're the first to see the obvious.
Well done, I will pass that on to the Gore administration.
If you hear it for the first time tomorrow - they got the message.
Your president and your country thank you :)
Click on the picture.
ha ha
Bitch!
ha ha
I finally found which mailbox BrainSmasher was sending the columns to.
The rants should be posted more quickly from now on.
From: jhigdon168@ao.com
Subject: The Drinking Man's Recap
Ediotr's Note: It doesn't get any funnier than this.
Larry Klayman wants a piece of Conason and Lyons?
“Authors” Who Wrote “The Hunting Of The President”
Reportedly On
Campaign To Destroy Conservatives To Make Way
For Hillary And Bill’s
Return To The White House In 2004
(Washington, DC) - Today, Judicial
Watch announced that it would closely monitor of
the alleged “shady” connections of Joe
Conason and Gene Lyons, who apparently are
planning a campaign to destroy conservatives
on behalf of operatives of the Clinton-Gore
White House. With Hillary’s victory in
New York, it is now apparent that she and Bill
intend to make a run for the presidency
in 2004.
While Judicial Watch takes no positions
on elections, it is clear that the “campaign of terror”
practiced by the Clinton-Gore White House
will continue for the next four years, smearing
conservatives and others who oppose the
Clintons on ethical, moral, and legal grounds.
“Judicial Watch will not stand by and watch
more smear campaigns unfold, and for this
reason will monitor Mr. Conason and Mr.
Lyons, among others, to make sure that they
do not violate the rights of American citizens,”
stated Judicial Watch Chairman and
General Counsel Larry Klayman.
Can you believe this?
The man with no dick wants a piece of Conason and Lyons?
As you know, I've been trying to get in on this juicy "litigation
gravy train" for years,
as long-time readers can verify.
(The important part snipped)
> I should be so lucky to have Klayman call me
to testify under oath in front of cameras.
> If he asked me any open-ended questions I'd
have the most fun causing his stroke.
> "BartCop, what were you thinking when..."
> "Mr. Klayman, I was wondering why you call yourself "mister" since you have no cock!"
> ha ha
> What could he do?
> Sanction me for thinking that?
> Thanks for keeping me "In the loop."
> Does this increase my chances of getting a
subpoena?
> Can we get word to Klayman that I'm the ringleader?
> ha ha
> Make me stop!
> bc
If anyone reading this has any connections in Washington, could
you leak to the
honorable Mr Klayman that Conason and Lyons are my front men
- my stooges,
and Ol' BartCop is secretly running this treacherous cabal?
Good luck, Joe.
If you need some snappy comebacks for really stupid questions,
just whistle.
From: Odious@home.com
Open Letter to Michael Moore
Today's Page Two Girl is a flipper
In Honor of Howard Klein
We're all proud of you, Howie.
Lots of people talk civil rights - you act on civil rights.
A shot of Chinaco to Howie Klein.
Mail Overflow
Stroke Me, Stroke Me
"Don't assume everyone in the Bush camp
isn't doing everything they can."
-- Methane Boy, third hour
I'm not even going to try to decipher that strokism...
From: tharrington@lopm.org
Subject: Advertising
Dear Mr. BartCop:
One of our parishioners has asked that we provide you with free advertising
in our
church bulletin. He explained that you frequently discuss theology
in general and
Catholicism in particular, and that you also have the courage to address
other issues,
such as alcohol (he read to me your excellent screed in which you condemned
alcohol use,
cleverly using Cuervo Gold tequila as an example).
While I have not yet taken the time to view you website myself, I can
say that after
hearing it described I am confident that your site will help
serve the Catholic community.
I am proud to offer you a free 1/4 page ad in our weekly bulletin, as
well a full-page ad
of our Christmas Chorus program (I'm trying to get you the back cover).
I will also suggest
during our weekly announcement that families should "logon" to your
site to strengthen their faith.
There's no need to thank us, Mr. BartCop; We THANK YOU for all of the
wonderful work you are doing to promote the propagation of the faith.
Sincerely,
Father Theodore Harrington
Pastor
Our Lady of Perpetual Motion Church
p.s. I will mention your site to other pastors within the diocese:
I'm sure
that many of them can help with free advertising in their bulletins,
too.
p.p.s. Call me if you're interested in Advent candles for less
than wholesale!
Great Lying Nazi Whore Quotes
"Katherine Harris is a Republican.
Katherine Harris supported George
Bush for President.
That's why the Democrats are
so angry with her."
-- Capt. Grunt, first hour of today's radio show.
Hey, Pigboy - tell the truth for once, would you?
She was co-chairman of his goddamn campaign.
I fail to understand why, after being lied to in this way,
ditto-monkeys don't get upset with their Lard and master.
Picture this:
Some Smirk-for-brains ditto-monkey hears Rush say that.
He goes to the water cooler at work and repeats Pigboy's half
truth.
"The Democrats are only upset because
she's a Bush supporter."
Then a reader of bartcop.com says to him,
"She's much more than than - she was his
That's why Democrats don't want her ruling on close calls."
So the ditto-monkey says, "Really? Are
you sure?"
Then the Democrat proves it to him, proves
that Rush misled him.
Why doesn't the ditto-monkey get angry with Rush?
Here he is, looking more stupid than usual at the company water
coller,
his co-workers chortling at his inept naivete and stupidity -
again.
So why don't the ditto-monkeys get angry with his constant lies
and half-truths that cause them so much embarrassment?
From: DDThinkFree@aol.com
Subject: Conservatives without a President
Bart,
Here's yet another question that no Dittohead
can answer:
Conservatives have been screaming for the last
eight years that
"Bill Clinton is NOT my President!!!"
So by that logic, considering that Bill Clinton
is the ONLY President
conservatives have, in essence, been 'without'
a President for the last eight years.
Why, then, are they whining that they MUST know
right this very second who
the next President-Elect is?
If they got along fine 'without a President' for
eight years, wouldn't it be logical
to think they could survive another month
or so without knowing who the
White House is going to be occupied by?
Douglas Daniels
Doug, I think it's even worse than that.
They've said for eight years that Clinton wasn't "really" their president
because he never reached the magic 50 percent level.
A week before the election, when Pigboy was screaming,
"There'a a big George W landslide coming!"
he kept pounding and pounding
on the theme that Clinton got 49 percent of 49 percent of eligible
voters,
so he really only got 24 percent of the vote.
Since Smirk outright LOST the popular vote, not only does he miss
the 50 percent level by a country mile, but there's another guy who
got MORE votes than he did.
So if Clinton wasn't really their president, Smirk is really nobody's
president.
President Smirk has problems.
Who will follow the orders of this fraud, this pretender,
since by their own rules he's not really the president?
Fun Democratic Quotes
"Al Gore won the popular vote.
I did my job.
I did get that vote out.
Unfortunately, I didn't get to
count it."
-- Donna Brazile, the winner's
campaign manager
Great Democratic Quotes
"I can't believe I'm losing to this guy."
--Jon Lovitz, SNL 1988, playing Dukakis.
Right now, Algore must be thinking the same thing.
I have a feeling if America had a chance to vote again
it would be closer to 60/40 in Gore's favor.
As a slow-witted individual, I learned long ago that the easiest
way to sift thru
a long legal argument is too take out as many unnecessary words
as possible
and see what's left. So, yesterday, in a nutshell, looked like
this:
Gore: We're in a mess, so I think
we should recount every vote in Florida and
I promised to fully support Governor Bush if he's the winner so we
can move forward as a country and get this indecision behind us.
Smirk: There's no reason to recount
the fraudulent election totals produced
by my brother and my campaign co-chairman. We should ignore the
ballots cast because I like the way my brother handles elections.
Smirk has managed to get himself in the worst of all spots.
He's being seen as an arrogant little shit, claiming that which
isn't his thru trickery and
dirty politics, which will give the press an excuse to turn on
him. If Smirky ends up the
victor, he'll be the only president in modern history to take
office under a black cloud,
with the people and the press against him.
If he handles his presidency as clumsily as his brother's ballot
fiasco,
America could be in store for a very dark period.
We've had smug crooks for president, and we've had idiot-bastards
for president,
but we've never had a smug crook, idiot-bastard for president
before.
I heard it, but I forgot who said it
"It looks like the Republicans want to
shrink government
small enough to where it will
fit in my wife's pants."
Final Edition
My good friend Doug over at The Daily Brew has written his last column.
He cites the large amount of time it takes to publish a web page
as his primary reason.
Putting out a quality product takes a lot of time.
Trust me, even the fourth-grade drivel posted at bartcop.com
takes a lot of time.
I realize when you read it, you say, 'What could possibly
take up any time?"
but somehow it does. I have shoe boxes full of 3x5 cards
that have funny(?)
ideas written on them that I'll get to as soon as I get caught
up, but most of
them are from '98 and '99, so no telling how fresh they'd be.
I also have stacks of magazines and newspapers next to my computer
with sections
circled to be transcribed "soon," and another stack on the couch
next to my La-Z-Boy.
To make matters worse, the cats have a new hobby:
They've learned that if the stand on the stack - and wait - the
stack will begin to slide.
So I'm hacking away at my computer, when I look over and notice
the cat staring at me,
with what I could swear is a smile, and the damn cat is paper-surfing
the avalanche.
We have two cats, they both like to surf daddy's stack of papers
and magazines.
Sorry, how did we get there?
Oh, yeah, the time factor.
One other thing that should be said is since it looks like we're
going to lose
this phony-baloney rigged election, we need to consolidate our
forces.
Besides welcoming Doug at The Brew back into the fold,
I'd like to offer a truce to Zepp and even the overly-litigious
Whimsy.
I've even been less-than-diplomatic with Bushwatch.com
which really is the
primary source for Smirk ammunition on the world wide web.
Jerry's the only guy I'm certain is busier than Ol' BartCop.
He's busier than Clinton's attorneys at the height of the Cock
Hunt.
I advertise bartcop.com saying,
"All I have is a modem, a smart mouth and the truth."
Sometimes the "smart mouth" is less than diplomatic, so it wouldn't
hurt to offer to
smoke a little Peace Pipe now and then, especially when we see
our rightfully-elected
leaders lose an election due to a rich, smirking smart-ass prick
who's brother and
campaign manager have rigged the election against the will of
the people.
So - to everyone whom I've run away, let's put something tasty
in the Peace Pipe
and smoke our differences away for the good of the cause and
the country.
I may run for elective office someday
and I need fewer enemies, not more.
From: papabear
Subject: Suggestion
One of the 'rules' for contributors you may wish
to publish under your changes section
might be a standardized way that people may keep
you informed on when they wish
their identity to be withheld, or what alternate
identity they wish to have attributed publically.
You set the rules that make your life most convenient;
it's up to the voter
.. uh, gentle reader, to _READ_ and _FOLLOW_
the rules
(which will undoubtedly be intuitive and
clear considering the Edioter in Charge).
Due to my low-I.Q.,
I have asked BSmasher
and Christian M-L to
delete the identities and addresses
from the forwarded e-mails of the bashful folk to safeguard against
accidental publication.
Comment : I like the new layout and am happy
to see your increasingly popular website
evolving ... slowly and carefully into something
that is till intuitive and simple to use.
I am especially impressed by a complete lack
of javascript, java, and cookies and
urgently vote that that policy continue.
ha ha
No problem there, I'm still trying to
master cut-and-paste.
I did like the yellow / orange / red on black
theme & font style better than the new
blue & white. Just my personal
taste. Consider keeping that style for at least one
of your sections ... don't throw it our completely.
I like that font, too, just wanted the "new" page to have a fresh look.
Maybe some code-writer with time on his (or her) hands will gin up
a new look
for the opening page. I'd like to have a new look every couple of weeks
but
<heavy Algore sigh> that takes more time.
Maybe I should change the name to alwayswhining.com
Pop Quiz
Who is this man?
Great Whore Quotes
"I can't believe those Democrats.
They're like bratty kids.
You lost - get over it!!!
I used to be annoyed by Democrats,
now I'm afraid of them."
-- The spread-legged
She-Thing
Hey, Laura, what's tomorrow's lecture titled?
The Importance of Dignity?
From: (withheld)
Subject: So you want to be a whore
In your case any press is good press.
America loves a sideshow and the best way
to get in the paper is to do something weird.
As a low IQ Catholic that should be easy.
ha ha
Thanks, I needed that.
Florida ballots explained
ha ha
Mr Bush has not come well
out of this fiasco
Special report: the US elections
As Republican efforts to fix the Florida result continue, the leadership
and judgment
of America's pretender-president, George W Bush, look less impressive
by the day.
His aides now say that Dubya was so confident of victory on November
7 that he
eased off too soon and coasted to the tape. That is contrasted unfavourably
with
Al Gore's energetic, all-out dash to the finishing line. Genuinely
shocked by the non-result,
Mr Bush began his post-election campaign by adopting a studied, nonchalant
air.
His down-home photo-ops, featuring muddy jeans, cute pet dogs and a
languid manner,
were intended to convey sang-froid - or Texan cool. But they may have
had the opposite
effect, suggesting that Mr Bush was not so much above the fray as totally
out of his depth.
Out of touch, too, as if in surreal parody of Daddy Bush in 1988, the
make-believe leader of
the free world "appointed" a make-believe secretary of state and a
very insecure security adviser.
That impression was reinforced by the sudden emergence from the shadows,
as if by murky magic,
of James Baker, Bush Snr's old buddy and Mr Fixit. As the
Florida follies have unfolded, it has
become ever clearer that Mr Baker, and other old hands like vice-president-in-his-dreams
Dick
Cheney, are calling Republican shots in the Sunshine state. A stronger
leader than George W might
have vetoed Mr Baker's legal efforts, aided and abetted by ardent Bush-ette
Katherine Harris,
Florida's secretary of state, to thwart local recounts. A bigger man
might have upheld the bigger
democratic principle of fairness over his own claims and, for example,
supported a state-wide
manual recount. That would have boosted his public standing and enhanced
his chances of
winning (by including Republican-inclined counties). None of this -
his complacency,
the old gang's ascendancy, bad tactics and a lack of scruple - bodes
well.
In an extraordinary week, Mr Gore's conduct has not been above reproach,
either.
Polls show most Americans back his insistence on a reliable tally in
Florida. But as patience
begins to run out, it may well be growing public exasperation, as much
as recounts and courts,
that finally brings this contest to closure.
Today's Page Two Girl shines
Great GOP Quotes
"It's my duty, under Florida law, to
help the guy whose campaign I co-chaired.
You people are crazy if you think
I'm going to pass up an ambassadorship."
-- Katherine the Grate, to anyone
who'd listen
Fox - Guarding the Hen House
Speaking of Fox Whore News,
Jon Stewart got in some good shots last night:
Click Here to hear his Katherine the Grate rant (all 3 very short)
Click Here to hear how badly both men want the big job
Click Here to hear what he does to Fox Whore News
I was whining to my online therapist, Dr Chistian Melfi, telling
her my web page woes
and when I told her thiings seemed so much easier when I was
drinking too much
and she said Smirk probably thought the same thing.
ha ha
From: (withheld)
Here is a phone number to the office of the Eva
Braun
of the Bush Junta, Katherine Harris. 850-922-0234
Enjoy,
Rudeboy
Look!
Our first successful letter from bc_pubshort@yahoo.com
It worked!
Tamara Baker forwarded something
What's with James Baker talking like a Democrat?
He says he doesn't want different standards for different counties.
I thought the GOP promoted local control?
Smirk and Baker don't trust the people?
Wasn't that a cornerstone of his campaign?
Now, they want a strong, centralized governing body,
which is the opposite of "smaller government."
Can anyone explain?
I understand why across-the-board standards are important, so
I've been
called "Big government" for over 20 years for realizing central
control works.
This is another subject I'd like to debate a Rush fan on.
Everything works better with a central "government."
That's why Smirk had ONE campaign HQ in Austin,
instead of letting all fifty states run their own campaigns.
If Smirk and Baker can't stick to their guns long enough to get
elected,
what good are they? They have the principles of a dog in heat.
From: young@erim-int.com
Subject: Florida Fruit
BartCop,
I've been a *baaad baaaad* man.
I'm white.
I'm male.
I have a college degree and lots of hours toward an advanced degree.
My family income is greater than $75,000.
Religion plays a significant role in my house, which I own.
Which is not in a large city or suburb.
I have more than $10K in stocks.
And yet, despite all these indicators, I voted for a
candidate other than the Dub. I feel so ... wrong ...
Fortunately, FL has seen the errors of my ways and righted a great wrong.
And if Dub gets his way?, and that extra trillion gets pumped into the
market?
(fuck those old bastards -- when they starve they won't be votin' anyway,
will they?)
it'll pump up the selling price of everything I already own!
This is so cool! The goofy young people will be giving me money
by their own choice!
Sure, they'll be left wondering where it all went in fifteen years
when I and my cohort
snatch away the the gravy bubbling up to the top of the pyramid, but
they should be grateful.
That's it! It's a valuable life lesson for them. We will
be doing them a service by relieving them
of the burden of having too much SS money available after they retire.
And...and!...we will be
proof positive that the Smirk Security plan is a winner: *we* won't
be depending on that paltry
$1200 a month to survive. Ah, bliss.
Now if I could just figure out how to spend my last penny the day I
die so my local copies of
goofy young folks will get stuck with my funerary expenses, how
happy that would make me.
So anyway, despite my mistake, this will be a good thing.
You'll be drivin' your new machine,
and I'll be able to figuratively screw a bunch of youngsters.
Let's make lemonade
Peter
VCR Alert -
The OJ Simpson Story on CBS. It sounded like crap, so I missed Part
One,
but I caught the last 3 minutes of it and
liked what I saw. Then last night, trying to catch up,
I read last Friday's USA TODAY where Robert
Bianco gave it **** and said it was killer, so to speak.
So I'll tape it.
Did anyone tape Part One?
I sure wish I had a VCR
Alert Wrangler,
so I could devote more time
to the intense pounding and severe beating
President
Smirk the Thief is about to take.
Saw it on the chat board
Thanks to Kwawin
From: mkonieczki@rslusa.com
Subject: George Will
BC,
That moron that said a Democrat approved the FL ballot,
well, the Daily
Howler says otherwise:
We don't have the time to hit all Will's misstatements.
But here's one more worth noting:
WILL (8): The Palm Beach ballots were designed by a Democrat and approved
by a process that included Democrats, and sample ballots were published
in
newspapers and mailed to voters - all without eliciting pre-election
complaints.
It makes a wonderful story. Unfortunately, if you've seen the sample
ballot from
the Palm Beach Post, it looked nothing like the actual ballot. The
presidential
candidates were listed in one column, eliminating the source of
the ballot confusion.
But writers like Will "keep spin alive," telling readers the stories
they like.
Michael
Supermodel Karen Mulder says
Don't get behind...
Read bartcop.com every day
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Issue
It was the best issue ever.
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