NEW YORK, Dec. 9 –– President Clinton is considering granting pardons to
Michael Milken and Susan McDougal, according to the New York Whore Times.

The Times reported today that Clinton is also considering pardons for Webster Hubbell
and Archie Schaffer. They and McDougal were Clinton's associates from Arkansas who
were convicted of crimes related to investigations of the Clinton administration.

Milken, who made billions for himself and others in the junk bond business in the 1980s,
was convicted of securities fraud, served 22 months of a 10-year sentence and paid
more than $1 billion in fines, restitution and legal settlements.

 Did you see the Bono tribute to John Lennon on Saturday Night Live?

 People see and hear so many different things when they see a band.
 Saturday night, the people in the audience of SNL saw many different levels.
 I'm sure some people were interested in the lyrics Bono was singing.
 Some people, mostly the girls, were checking out Bono, what he was wearing,
 his earrings, if he wore any, his style and his stage presence and all of that.

 Me, all I hear are the sounds.
 First thing I noticed is how much better they sounded last night then they did
 at that mini concert they did on Farmclub.com. They did the "Beautiful Day"
 song on the VH-1 Awards, but last night's version was a whole ball park better.
 They'll get better each time they play, and when they tour they will get better
 at every stop. Boy, what I wouldn't give for another bushel of that ADM money.

         picture of ADM cash

 It's my guess it's no coincidence that it was the closest night to December 8th.
 Bono has often cited Lennon as an influence, even "finishing" a song for him.
 Historically, Bono does a lot of ad-libbing on stage. The band knows to stay with him.
 Last night as they were closing "Beautiful Day," I heard familiar words:

 There’s nothing you can do that can’t be done.
 Nothing you can sing that can’t be sung.
 Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game
 It’s easy...
 All you need is love, all you need is love,.

 I thought it was cool as hell.

 Odds are Bono never got to meet Lennon, but there's nobody doing a better job of spreading
 the message John wanted to get out than Bono. Actually, he's more effective than John,
 just this year getting Jesse Helms and Orrin Hatch to join with Clinton to forgive a shitload
 of third-world debt. No entertainer ever gave the poor a bigger gift than Bono did this year.

 But the band was just getting started.
 I told Mrs. BartCop it'd be great if they did a Beatles song for song #2.
 Instead - we got "Elevation."

 Wow!

 They are so tricky.
 Bono wanted to make a statement.
 Remember, I don't hear lyrics, just the sounds the volcalist is making.
 The band starts with a whisper, a one on the scale, which slowly grows to a two.
 After they hit the two, Bono brings them back to the whisper.

 Second verse, a little faster, a little louder, a little more urgency in Bono's voice.
 The band rises up to a three in energy and intensity, then up to a four, then a five.

 A dramatic break, as Bono sticks his head into the camera lens, 'invading" your living room.
 Then they start building again - faster, louder, more emotion in Bono's voice.
 Bono's doing this, what I can only describe as a Commanche war cry!
 Hoooo, Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoooo, Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoooo

 The crowd's going ape-shit.
 And this isn't Peoria or Little Rock they're blowing away.
 This is New York fucking City, and they've seen everybody and everything.
 If you can impress 'em there, you can impress 'em anywhere.

 The band climbs higher and higher, the crowd comes to it's feet.
 They're cheering, and Bono jumps off the stage and runs into the crowd.
  Hoooo, Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoooo, Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoooo

  The only guy that can work a crowd better than Bono is Bill Clinton.

 So Bono's out into the audience, prowling the aisles.
 The crowd is on their feet screaming, their hands in the air!
 Bono's taking the crowd and the band higher and higher.
 Hoooo, Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoooo, Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoooo

 We're passing six...
 Bono hops on top of a wobbly cocktail table and sings,
 Hoooo, Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoooo, Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoooo
 

 The crowd goes up another level and screams louder!
 We're passing seven...
 Bono runs into the darkness of the crowd, where the lights can't find him.
 Where is he?
 What's he doing?
 Hoooo, Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoooo, Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoooo

 The band is getting louder and faster, Larry Mullen Jr. on the drums has gone
 from playing "nice," as Tina used to say thirty years ago, to playing "rough."

 There's Bono, running from one aisle to the next.

 We just hit eight., and we're still climbing.
 The energy is overwhelming.
 Not only are we climbing, but we're climbing faster.
 Hoooo, Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoooo, Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoooo

 Adam Clayton on the bass has gone from statue to Holy Roller, and all this time
 The Edge, one of the all-time greats on guitar, is playing goddamn Chutes and Ladders
 with echoes, texture and depth, Oh my.

 The band takes the crowd past eight, we're approaching nine.
 This New york crowd acts like they've never been to nine before.
 Hoooo, Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoooo, Hoo Hoo Hoo Hoooo

 Just when you know the place can't take it any more,
 Just when he knows he's got everyone's maximum attention, Bono starts screaming,

 Well, we all shine on,
 Like the moon and the stars and the sun,
 Yeah, we all shine on,
 Come on and on and on on on,

 The audience was so pumped, and so caught up in the whole thing.
 You know how New York feels about John Lennon...
 The crowd zooms up to a ten, and wants to go higher!
 Bono is working the crowd, making them want more.
 He keeps pushing and punching, harder and faster!

 Well we all shine on,
 Like the moon and the stars and the sun,
 Yeah we all shine on,
 On and on and on and on and on and on.

 It was Woodstock and Fourth of July at the same time.
 You can't put a price on this stuff.

 This is what makes a great band.
 This is what makes a couple spend $2500 to see U2 live.
 A band that can take you from sitting there in your seat to standing up cheering and clapping
 and screaming because you're so goddamn excited!  You're dancing - and you don't dance!

 Well we all shine on,
 Like the moon and the stars and the sun,
 Yeah we all shine on,
 On and on and on and on and on and on.

 As the song was ending, Bono was heading back towards the stage, still singing,
 and he caught a glimpse of Val Kilmer (guest host) over by the speakers so he
 went over and put his hand on Kilmer's shoulder and sang, "Light my Fire."

 As you can imagine, it was real good.

 It seemed to be the perfect tonic at the perfect time for New York.
 No sense doing what I did, saying "Let's all remember the sad stuff."
 Instead, U2 gave New York a pick-me-up when they needed it.
 U2 caused some seismic emotional tremors tonight, they rocked the house.
 If there's a God, they'll talk about this Saturday Night Live for years.

 I can't thing of a better way to say "Hi!" to John Lennon than going on SNL
 and tearing the roof off the dump with this kind of hell-raising excitement.
 Rock and roll needs saving - again - and Britney, Ricky and Eminem can't do it.

 A shot of Chinaco for Bono and U2.
 A shot of Chinaco for John Lennon.

 We Got Trouble (w/ Clarification)

 I just got a call from Marc Perkel.
 He says  bartcop.com  has grown to the point where it's costing him $300 a month.
 He says he can't afford that and I can't blame him - I can't afford that, either.
 Hell, that's a payment on a new car. I can't ask him to pay that.

 In an attempt to stay afloat, even temporarily, I need to eliminate the audio files,
 so if you want to hear any of those John Lennon clips you've got one more day
 to listen to them and then they are gone. I need to cut back on the cartoons,
 and I need to publish fewer articles, although text takes up just a little room..

 I hope we won't have to go back to a subscription-only newsletter,
 because I can't fit that many people on any e-mail program that I know of.
.
 This isn't a gag.
 We have outgrown our "just kidding around" status, but now I need an angel.
 If things get very, very bad, I'm sure I'll be able to give you some notice
 so you don't get a blank page one day when you attempt to read "The Latest."

 If someone out there has thought about helping in a big way, now is the time.
 Please get in touch with me before it's too late. It will be much easier to keep
 bartcop.com  going than it would be to try to crank it up again once we go down.

 If you have any good ideas, send them with HELP in the subject line so I'll see it.
 I have a bunch of mail backed up from the weekend.

 Too bad I don't believe in prayer...

 Clarification:

 Perkel says there will always be a  bartcop.com  just not in it's present form.
 Immediately, like tomorrow, we need to cut the sounds and if we have pictures
 I need to shrink them down.  So smaller cartoons are better.

 If I remember right, he says  bartcop.com  runs 2.5 gig in bandwidth a day.
 And when they say, "unlimited bandwidth," they don't really mean unlimited.
 They means lots of bandwidth, and 2.5 gig is more than a lot.

 But I'm working on a plan...

 Have we lost everything?

 They control the House.
 They control the Senate.
 They control the partisan whores of the Supreme Court who have ordered
  that Smirk be given the White House regardless of who won Florida.

 They control the media - how many dozens of stories has the media sat on
 while they over-played every fake Love Story-Internet-Love Canal story,
 so they could get this idiot puppet installed against the will of the people.

 Once Smirk takes power, he will lock that control in cement for decades
 by appointing young fascists who will agree to overturn future election results, too.

 The Democrats (who are left) need to block every SC nominee who's not a centrist.
 But, what do we do if the Supreme Court rules that Democrats aren't allowed
 to block a Supreme Court nominee if Smirk says he wants the guy?

  ...and you don't own a gun because it's not safe?

 The Clash did a song called Guns of Brixton.

 When they kick at your front door,
 how you gonna come?
 With your hands on your head?
 or on the trigger of your gun.

 Me?
 I'm not going down without a fight.

 The television media thinks this is a big fucking joke.
 They see it as a story to be covered, as long as nobody asks Bush any questions.

 Things are worse now than they were yesterday, because the Florida Supreme Court said,
"Let's count the votes" and the high court said, "Don't you dare count those votes!"

 They KNOW Gore will win if those votes are counted.
 There's no other reason to refuse to count them unless they just don't want a different
  result than what Smirk's brother and Smnirk's Florida campaign chairman have certified.

"If those Florida votes are counted, irreparable harm will be done to the
  candidacy of George W Bush - we therefore order that counting stopped."

 Do we still live in America?

 Is there a reason to even vote anymore?
 If the Supreme Court says "our boy will be harmed if the votes are counted,"
 why should anybody bother to vote in the first place?

 And every time the Supreme Court comes up with another way to stall this,
 it bolsters their own self-serving posotiong that "there's not enough time."
 They know the dealine is approaching, but they keep throwing up roadblocks.

 Every day they stall the counting of the votes, they're helping Smirk and they fucking know it

 Smirk is fighting tooth and nail to prevent an accurate count.
 He's scared to death that those votes will prove Gore won Florida.
 The SC doesn't even try to hide their slanted bias towards Smirk.
 "If those Florida votes are counted, irreparable harm will be done to the
  candidacy of George W Bush - we therefore order that counting stopped.

"I agree with whatever Antonin says."

 Where the hell is "irreparable harm" in counting the goddamn votes?

 Smirk lost the popular vote and the electoral vote but the Supreme Clowns
 are determined to let the unqualified idiot assume his throne.

 I believe these partisan whores on the Supreme Court INTENTIONALLY ruled
 against Clinton at every turn just so they could set something like this up.

- Ruling that President Clinton could be sued by GOP-controlled, no-proof trailer trash,
  (who has since confessed she wanted to settle but they wouldn't let her)
  who didn't even have a case to begin with.

- Ruling that the president's bodyguards have TWO functions:
  They're to protect the president and they're to watch him to see if he's committing crimes
  so they can testify against him when the GOP fabricates an impeachment cock hunt

- Ruling that Monica had no right to an attorney in that Virginia hotel room.
  Starr illegally held her for what, 10-12 hours, telling her she was a "big baby"
  for wanting to make a goddamn phone call?

 There were dozens more horseshit rulings that were designed for ONE purpose:
 To un-elect the president of the United States.

 But Clinton outsmarted the Supreme Court and Tom Delay, and this is their revenge.
 Their going to install a puppet who lost the popular vote and who almost certainly lost
 the electoral vote - but we'll never know because they won't allow a count!

 Trust me - the SECOND they rule that Smirk is the winner, those votes will either be
 sealed or destroyed so nobody can ever question the rule of King George.

 Have we lost our country?
 Have we lost everything?
 If we've lost the right to have our votes counted,
 how are we different from fucking Cuba?

 I don't know how to do a comedy issue while our country is being stolen,
 so I'll just post the stuff that was written pre-theft.

            Liberals and niggers stay out - you're not welcome here.

 I won't buy another thing from fascist Florida until the people get back their right to vote.

 I suggest you do the same - unless you thing voting is ...overrated.

 Housekeeping:

 I lost about 600 e-mails from Saturday.
 If you sent something important Saturday, please re-send it.
 If possible, send it to  bc_publish@yahoo.com  if it's large and important
 or to  bc_pubshort@yahoo.com  if it's short and important.

 I don't mean to discourage your sending anything,
 but there are pages and pages of e-mail that I can't get to now.

 YB, anything you sent - please re-send.

 Thanks

From:  JennyQ1@aol.com

Subject:  Great Equal Time Quotes

Oliver North (R - still lying) laid down a sheet of paper in front of Paul Begala.

North:  There's the list of 5,000 felons who voted in Florida.

Begala:  No it's not.  That's a copy of our script.

 Smirking his way into the White House

 I won, fair and square - Uncle James said so.
 Daddy promised the Supreme Court would do as they were told.
 I deserve to be president - because I'm smart.
 The people love me because I'm the most qualified.

 Great Ultra-Right-Wing Fascist Quotes

 "This judicial aggression must not stand.  The Florida Supreme Court has
    squandered and violated the trust of the people of Florida in an attempt to
    manipulate the results of a fair and free election. The Florida Supreme Court
    has squandered its authority.  This judicial aggression must not stand."
      --Tom Delay, Puppetmaster to Denny Hastert
 

 How DARE the Florida Supreme Court rule against the Puppetmaster's wishes?
 Don't they know who really runs congress and the GOP?

 Christ, I hope Delay doesn't have the Florida Supreme Court murdered.

 You will NOT count those votes.
 We already have a winner - Ambassador Harris has certified the election results.
 STOP THE VOTE COUNTING NOW!

 ...and if you don't, I'll have Antonin  order  you to stop.

 Written when America was still allowed to count votes:

 If I was running the Democratic effort in Florida, you know what I'd do?

 I would very loudly and very publically ask Governor Jeb for INCREASED
 SECURITY for people counting the votes. If you do it loudly enough, and in
 the correct way, the governor would be forced to grant or deny the request.

 If he granted the extra security, that would be seen as proof that the Cro-Mag GOP
 is incapable of controlling their goons squads, and it would prove to the whole world
 that the ditto-monkeys should be kept in cages while the adults count the votes.

 If he REFUSED to grant the request for extra security, and shit breaks out like last time,
 it will be ENTIRELY the fault of Jeb Bush that damage was done, lives were lost, etc.
 

 It's so easy if you just use your head,
 but even today, the Democrats seem to not want to win this election.

 The Dems don't deserve to win this election - problem is, Smirk deserves it less
 They thought it'd be OK to WAIT to count the fucking votes -

 Sure, we got PLENTY of time.
 Let's start after lunch, or better yet, let's start tomorrow.
 Of course, tomorrow is Saturday, so maybe we can drag our ass around a few more
 goddamn days and start counting next week. We have plenty of time.
 There's no reason for any sense of urgency here, nooooooooo of course not!

 The Democrats just don't WANT to win
 We'd rather have some more free time than the right to fucking vote!
 Sure, let's take off, let';s go home and eat turkey and jack\off while the Republicans
 are working 24/7, with planeloads of reinforcements flying in all the time.

 We lost our right to vote because we just didn't want to keep it bad enough.

 I'm taking this election, and God help you if you try to stop me.
 I have the Congress.
 I have the military.
 I have the Supreme Court.
 I have the media - they've been my biggest help.

 I may not have the votes or the will if the poeple,
 but God help you if you try to stop me.

 Fuck you and your hanging chads.
 I'm taking over and there's nothing you can do about it.

 Attention, Networks, I have a request:

 Could you rerun that clip  AGAIN of Katherine Harris,
 the whites-only, bribe-taking, law-breaking, underhanded rich bitch
 getting her standing ovation from the Tallahassee Taliban?

 I just can't get ENOUGH of her gracious acceptance...
 

 ...goddamn fucking whore media about to push me over the edge...

 Remember Halloween?
 Remember back before the Supreme Court outlawed laughter?

 Flashback from Volume 121 - When the World was Young

 We didn't create racism,
 we pour gas on it.

 We didn't invent homophobia,
 we just fan the flames.

 We don't lynch minorities,
 we make the rope stronger.

 We don't bomb women's clinics,
 we make the bombs bigger.

 We didn't invent hate,
 we echo it across the country.

 Some of the most destructive tools in America weren't made by us,
 but we figured out a way to use them better, more efficiently.

 We're the vultures of hate radio.

 We're the GOP.

"Ummie block the vote count!  Ummie block the vote count!
  Those people in Florida don't know what's best for them."

From: Tom

       Yesterday I went to the VP's house to show my support for Al Gore
and Joe Liberman.  I arrived there at a little past 10:00 a.m. and found a crowd
of around 35 Republicans there and no Democrats.

 That sounds like the Democrats.
 We don't want it bad enough - that's why we're losing it.

Discouraged, I went home. I returned at around 12:30 p.m. and found a crowd of
more than 300 republicans and 25 or so Democrats.  At no time were there
more than 30 Democrats present.

    During the four + hours that I stood there we sang, chanted and waved our signs
for Al and Joe.  At one point a member of our group approached the police and asked
them to move the Republicans from a corner they were standing on as WE had a permit
for that corner. So We traded corners with the Republicans. When the trade took place
at least, two assaults took place. I witnessed one of the two.  A Republican woman
stiff-armed and tried to rip a Gore bumper sticker off of a Maryland Democrat.
The Democrat was partially knocked down and was upset by the attack.

Another woman Democrat was tripped and knocked to the ground by these Compassionate
Conservatives. (The woman who was knocked down told me what happened.)
A favorite trick of the Republicans was to have individual Republicans come over and
stay among us on our side of the street and try to disrupt our little group.
The police to their credit made an effort to move the interlopers on and were usually successful.
At another point an anti-choice demonstrator with his anti-choice placard insisted on kneeling
under our huge Gore Sign, the police asked him to move, but to no avail.

Another Republican walked through our little band and took one of our Gore signs, as he walked
across the street he tore it into little pieces to the loud approval of the assembled compassionates.
The balance of the time was spent in chanting slogans and hooting at cars as they drove by.
For the most part, Republican passers by would give us the finger and Democrats would give us
thumbs up and honk their horns.

Gore supporters in the neighborhood would come by and stand with us for a while and one
very kind woman brought us hot tea (we needed it!) and cookies..

Well, that was my view of the Compassionate Conservatives on Saturday, December 2.

Tom

 (Written when votes still counted)

 Criminals in the Bush White House

 Before the ruling that ordered -gasp - the Florida votes to be counted,
 Governor Smirk was trying to pick a cabinet that would pass scrutiny.

"I haven't decided on a couple of 'em--
  I don't know whether or not they can pass the background checks."

 This comes as no surprise to longtime Smirk-watchers.
 Smirk has a tendency to employ ex-CIA spooks and cutthroat mercenaries.

 He'll have to pick his cabinet carefully, however, since they must be confirmed
 by congress, and, with some democrats on each committee, he can't just let
 Smirk Daddy's friends have their run of Washington like they did Austin.

Here's a 1-2 Punch from some hard-hitters, written when votes mattered:

Florida's GOP Fanatics Plot To Deliver the Presidency
 by Joe Conason

Click  Here
 

GOP's Paid Thugs Heading Back to Florida to Stop Recounts
  by Tamara Baker

Click  Here

From: kmccook@chuma.cas.usf.edu

Subject:  Scalia's son works for the same law firm as does Bush attorney Olson.

Taken from an article about conflict of interest about SC justices
whose kids are lawyers. http://www.iht.com/IHT/TECH/tek100300a.html

"Justice Antonin Scalia has two sons who are attorneys.
Eugene Scalia works for Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher,
which closely follows guidelines prepared by the
Supreme Court to avoid such potential family-related
conflicts of interest, said Ted Olson, co-chairman of the
firm's appellate practice. The rules go so far as to
segregate the income from Supreme Court cases into a
separate fund that does not go into Eugene's salary.

We are getting screwed by Scalia and Ted Olson.
Looks like those two are running this country now.

 Great GOP Quotes

 "The Florida Supreme Court is a bunch of partisan kacks."
    -- Denny Hastert, one of the more "responsible" Republicans

 From:   (MarkDW)

 The Bartcop Monkey is very appropriate to today....

 After all, Bush can be very well compared to the Apollo chimp.
 Both are strapped into a pilot's seat, and told to shut up and not touch anything.

 The difference is: EVERYONE saw the chimp in that pilots seat,
 and KNEW that the chimp was just .... a chimp.
 The men behind the scenes (engineers) were actually pulling the strings.

 Whereas, for some odd reason, we have MILLIONS of right wing morons
 looking at Shrub strapped into that seat, and saying "WOW! What a pilot! He's the man!".

 He's a chimp, for crying out loud!

 That stripper Bush was screwing until recently?
  Tamara Baker had an excellent column on that - a year ago.

 Click  Here

 Just a reminder...

 This is Ralph Nader's fault.
 If it wasn't for the Dr. Laura-sized ego of Nader,
 President Elect Gore would have announvced his cabinet weeks ago.
 Michael Moore is also on the hook for his Pat Caddell-type attacks on Gore.

Great Whites-Only Quotes

"Of course I'm concerned about anybody being denied the right to vote.
 The great thing about America is everybody should vote.
 Interestingly enough--I haven't analyzed all the results--but in the state
 of Florida,. . . the African American turnout was hueueueueuge.
 The increase was significant over previous years, and that's a positive development.
 People were going to the polls."
   -- Smirk the soon-to-be certified Loser
 

That's right, Smirk.
People of color went to the polls in droves to stop your whites-only agenda.

Smirk:
- loves to execute the probably-guilty, especially if they're poor and black
- snuggling up to Bob Jones like a twelve year old to a Backstreet Boy
- working in concert with whites-only Trent Lott and whites-only Dick Armey
- surrounding himself with black and Hispanic children during the campaign,
   only to have Delay the Exterminator "de-nig" the children on November 8th
- lazy bastard who never did a day's work in his life, trying to relate to the poor
- doing all he can to screw the poor while pushing for the tax cut for the super-rich

 Yeah, big shock that the African American community voted against you, Smirk.

 Read the  Previous Issue
 It was the last issue written under a flag that meant something!
 

 Go Home to  bartcop.com
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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