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Bartcop.com
From: The Honest Reporter
Subject: White House admits wrongdoing by Rove
White House spokesman said Waxman was playing
'politics of personal destruction'
by calling for investigation of Rove.
But if he's done nothing wrong, how could he be
'personally destoyed' by an investigation?
Therefore, according to the White House,
Rove has something to hide.
UFO's
seen over New Jersey
'They looked like eggs,' says Drudge
From: joker_coker@hotmail.com
Subject: What a moron "Exhibit B" is everyone else
After naming half of Fox news - independent
radio hosts around the country,
you forgot the rest of the media.
Let me see off the top of my head:
Anyone who writes for: The Times, The post,
Seattle time, Houston Chronicle,
Chicago Tribune, Newsweek, TIME, - virtually
anyone that works for Ted Turner....
NBS, CBS, CNN, local and national news
headlines "Dan Rathers" of the world.
I could go on, but I'm just wasting my time, because you are obviously moron!
Cliff
Cliff, you missed it.
You were asked to name those who would defend Clitnon.
You didn't - because you can't.
The NY Times was 'Monica Central' for three years.
They printed Drudge's lie that Clinton fathered a kid with a
crack whore.
And they put it on the front page above the fold.
They broke the non-existent "Whitewater" story and pretended
it
was some serious smoking gun, but we all know it was nothing.
You call that defending Clinton?
It's real easy to say, "everybody," but it's just not true.
You seem to be more interested in personal slurs than the truth.
Would you care to try again?
BartCop
PS. Seattle time, and NBS, are they new?
From: kjones@synchronics.com
Subject: Chaney's electricity bill is too high
Apparently the Vice President's electricity bill
is too high for him to pay!
He wants the Navy to pick up the tab. The residence
is on a Naval Base, but
every other VP hasn't had a problem paying the
tab out of their office expenses.
Excerpt:
The White House has cited the large and unpredictable energy
bills of the VP's
official residence in urging Congress to relieve Cheney of using
any part of his
official budget to pay for electricity. The entire electricity
bill - an estimated
$186,000 this year - would be shifted to the Navy.
KJ, it's hard to pay the energy bills under Smirk when you only made $22,000,000 last year.
Quotes
"Even if you put a blindfold on Tiger
this week he could still win the title,''
-- Butch Harmon, longtime coach to Tiger Woo
, lying his ass off,
trying to convince the hexxed
man he has a chance at the British Open
i love louie too b.c. i'm 50, and i love all that shit
from the sixties and fifties, but nobody sends me like louie.
he invented everything. he smoked dope before every performance
god bless im', and he was the number one
ambassador to the human race. i used to see jackie gleason
when i looked at the full moon, now, more often,
i see satchmo. i heavily recommend the 4 cd set 'the complete
decca studio master takes'--1935-39
mo paul
From: The Honest Reporter
Subject: Bush calls for end to "Cronyism and Corruption"
Swear to Koresh! In his speech today, he was talking about Africa, but:
Later when confronted with the quote he
realized he would have to resign.
ha ha
Ode
to Firefighters
by thediehard
Golfers boycott greedy Tiger?
Mr. Perfect is getting $2,000,000 just
for showing up in New Zealand,
which is five times the total prize
money. To recoup that, organizers are
charging $205 for a weeklong spectator
ticket, compared with $20.50 last year.
Check out what Mr. Perfect said:
Woods said he would talk to some players to get a measure of their feelings.
"The players who want to do that, that is their
opinion and it is their choice to do whatever they still see
as fit for themselves,'' Woods
said Tuesday. ``I understand what they are trying to do.
"But we will see what happens. Until I speak
with them, I am going to hold my opinion. I am sure when
I get a chance to talk with them and
hear their viewpoints, then I will probably have a better appreciation
of where they are coming from.''
He said it would not stop him from going.
He's just like President Weak & Stupid.
He's going to sit down with his fellow golfers, he's going to
listen to their complaints,
and then he's going to go anyway.
Hey, Mr. Perfect!
Why bother with the charade if you're going anyway?
I hope they ALL boycott New Zealand.
That way, maybe Tiger could win the tournament.
VCR Alert
Larry King Live (on the Condit News Network)
Topic: Remembering Liberace
Phyllis Diller
Robert Goulet
Jamie James (Liberace's publicist)
Joel Strote (his lawyer)
Michael Travis (his costume designer) ha
ha
Gladys Luckie (his housekeeper of 40 years)
...just kidding
What Larry needs to do is get John Edward on 
and have him summon the spirit of Chandra Levy
and ask her where Condit buried her.
Avoiding
The Olympic Jinx
by RB Ham
From: Peter Sliman
Subject: I double-dog-dare yah to read T HIS one........
I didn't figure you could stand up to even the
SLIGHEST dose of your own medicine.
I see you are IGNORING me now; much as YOU are
ignored by the targets of your hatred.
HAH-HAAAAA !!! So, I fire a coupl'a shots
at yah, and you RUN AWAY !!!
Pete, your last few e-mails were barren and pointless.
I can't print or answer every rambling e-mail I get.
That's hilarious, but typical, and expected....
And you may say " I have no time for losers like
you" or some such other similarly dismissive insult...
Oh, I have plenty of time for losers like you,
but not every e-mail, not every day.
...to which I would reply... "Then, take a look
at yourself ! This is the same regard in which you are held
by those successful (and they can prove it) public
figures whom you RAGE against."
"Successful" (and they can prove it) public figures hold me in low regard?
Name one. I'll kick his ass.
My fervent hope is that you are exposed publicly
one day; your face, your wifes face and all your family
and all your names and all your addresses and
all your phone numbers and then perhaps we'll see if you're
man enough to take REAL heat.
Pete, it's not a matter of heat.
Your side likes to debate with amonium nitrate and rifles with scopes.
I can't win a debate like that.
So, there it is, dear boy.
YOU are a "loser" until you can stand up like
a real man instead of being as a cowardly sniper,
hiding in the shadows. Stand up and face the
people you "hate", and be held accountable for you lies.
signed: your ex-best-friend, Petey
Petey, I don't want to be your hero.
I don't want to be anybody's hero.
I've had a small amount of fame and I found it enervating and cumbrous.
Last week, some ditto-ess was calling me "Mr Ego" because I was too
visible.
It's hard to win with you people.
Don't you have anything better to do than read bartcop.com?
Ann Coulter never pays for
her french fries
Got a link for you from smirkingchimp.com
It's an in-depth look at Ann Coulter by Brendan Nyhan
Excerpt:
Most name-calling, however, is directed
at Clinton, who is mentioned in 17 of her 28 columns
(that's 61% - I'll omit a links list).
Coulter calls him, among other things, a "celebrated felon" (3/29),
a "known" felon (5/24), a "pervert, liar
and a felon" (6/21), a "criminal" (1/11), "a flim-flam artist"
(1/11) and a "prominent" criminal (3/29).
Note to Ann, or would 'Monica' be more accurate?
Unlike your president, Bill Clinton has never been arrested
or charged with a crime.
...and you claim you're a lawyer?
Maybe Abbe Lowell isn't the worst lawyer in DC, after all.
Have you ever seen a high-powered lawyer do a worse job than Abbe Lowell?
Was he this terrible representing Clinton?
Did Clinton coach Lowell thru his defense?
Can Condit be that guilty?
Have you ever heard of, "I don't need
to cooperate with the police because
my lawyer says I passed a lie detector
test that nobody witnessed?"
Is this Abbe Lowell's last job?
From: Sisinboca@aol.com
Subject: Re: BUSH AND THE PRIEST
I SUGGESTED YOU NOT BRING IRELAND INTO YOUR BASHING,
AS THEY GET ENOUGH FROM THE CHURCH AND ENGLAND.
M.K.
Hey, I've got nothing against the Irish, but why should they get a pass?
Next thing you know, I can't do any Jew jokes.
From: MLewinsky@aol.com
Subject: Free Dr. Laura Book Offer - NO LONGER VALID!
I clicked on the link to the free Dr. Laura book
offer from CPI (yesterday) and I found
that the offer had been discontinued (for now)
due to overwhelming demand.
Oh, the power of bartcop.com!!!!
Keep up the good work.
Non
...ain't nothing to it.
Good catch-up article on my good friend, Greg Palast
Great sports column by Jon Saraceno in Monday's USA TODAY
"Bonds Will Break Before Home Run Record"
He says Barry Bonds can't break McGwire's home run record.
"McGwire's cherished single-season home run
record of 70,
set only three years ago after belonging
to Roger Maris for FOUR DECADES,
couldn't be safer if it was protected
by armed Pinkerton guards.
If Reggie Jackson is Mr. October, Barry
Bonds is Mr. May.
Since June 22, he has only hit two
over the wall.
In sports terminology, it's called choking.
If he doesn't catch McGwire, it's because
he didn't want to try."
That's the kind of passion I was hoping to catch for the BartCop
Sports pages,
but I guess people just don't have much passion for sports anymore.
<big Al Gore sigh>
Talkin
about Home Run hitters
...check out Tamara Baker at AMPOL
Damn, she hits hard for a girl.
Excerpt:
"Remember how, during the election campaign,
my former lord, BushdeCheney, made much reference to
the allegedly out-of-control, childish
nature of the White House as run by Albus ClintonGore -- particularly
in regard to foreign policy?" Snape said,
in tones verging on the hysterical. "Remember the favorite phrase
used by BushdeCheney upon usurping the
throne? 'Now the grownups are in charge'?"
"Yes," replied Harry, looking askance at Snape and wondering if he should notify Madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing.
From: ca_creekin@yahoo.com
Subject: tequila tastings
BC,
Thanks for getting us all interested in fine tequilas just as an agave shortage is pushing up prices. ;-)
Sorry,
Most tequila "experts" I know like Patron Anejo
the best, which is not on your list. I haven't tried Patron yet.
Cabo Wabo is a favored Reposado, and is quite
good. For $20 a bottle, I like Sauza Hornitos, a Reposado.
Patron is needle city.
That's bad.
You ask, "What are needles?"
Needles are what you get after you taste some
Chinaco Anejo, then chase it
with a shot in Patron. You say,
"Koresh! What's with the needles, Patron?"
Needles stab your tongue, for no damn reason.
Reminder:
I don't want Chinaco Anejo to become
everyone's favorite.
It could only increase the price. If someone
tells you Patron or Herradura is better,
agree with him and save the Chinaco
for Ol' BartCop, would you?
Herradura Anejo, another one not
on your list, has won a bunch of gold medals,
but this must be owing to payola, because it
tastes like mediocre bourbon at 4x the price.
It won't make you gag - not like Cuervo Gold.
Sidebar:
Remember that story I told in December 2000 about
being at my sister's house?
She had a pantry of liquor, and just for
grins, I tried a shot of Cuervo.
I gagged on it, and we almost had an incident,
but I got it down without making a mess.
Jose Cuervo is nasty shit, and
should not be taken by mouth.
They make hundreds of millions a year because
people think if it's a real party,
like Mike's getting married or something, we
have to get sick on fake-tequila.
These are the same people who voted for peanuts-in-his-YooHoo
boy.
Herradura Anejo is tolerable.
If they don't serve Chinaco at
this restaurant, you can still have a good time.
In a 1999 post to alt.smokers.cigars, Tom Mullaney writes that he prefers these over Chinaco Anejo:
1. El Tesoro de San Filipe Anejo
- light straw color, very subtle wood and pepper.
Best of breed for me [and
Mrs. BC].
2. Gran Centenario Anejo - dark and smokey with a lot of wood.
The Don Felipe El Tesoro works.
It's not Chinaco, but it'll do in a storm.
Gran Centenario - never heard of it.
At my advanced age, if I've never heard of a tequila, it must not be a contender.
Britney
is all grown up now
Does that mean she's no longer a virgin?
Excerpt:
Spears' daring dress, which showcased her
well-tanned legs, seemed to provoke the journalists.
One actually asked, "is there something
under that skirt?"
"Whaa?" Spears said.
With the question left unanswered, and purely
in the interest of journalism,
I quizzed a few of my sharp-eyed colleagues
strategically placed in the first few rows.
The consensus: Nada.
"I'm growing up -- I'm not a little girl anymore."
This Just In...
Pigboy
inks $285M deal
Eight more years of cowardly hiding
behind his call screener.
Eight more years Hillary murdered Vince
Foster,
Chelsea is the White House Dog and
Al Gore commits incest with his daughters.
...crime pays, and there is no God.
Reminder:
I have a close-up video tape of the fingers of a fantastic,
unheard-of guitar player.
This guy is Eddie, he's Steve Vai, he's Ingvie,
but he doesn't want to kill his mother.
If you've taught guitar for 20 years, he'll still teach
you something you didn't know.
This is the type of guitar player you can watch for five seconds
and say, "Koresh!"
This poor bastard works at a PAINT store.
He got tired of the band scene, and quit it, but I have
the tape.
Even if you're really good at guitar, and I mean really
good,
he can make you stand up and say, "Son
of a bitch, he can't DO that!"
But he can.
He has normal sized hands, but he does stuff that can't be done.
What so extra cool, is on this tape, he's so rusty, so out-of-shape,
but you
can still hear the musicians in the room saying, "Jesus,
do that again, but slower."
Even when he makes the mistakes, you see the genius.
One night, we had an after-party at BartCop Manor.
I had the foresight to put a camcorder on a tripod and point
it at this guy's hands
while he played and fiddled with a guitar.
Sidebar:
This guy is no Jimmy Page.
He can't take your mind on a journey.
He can't use his magik powers to call up
the devil.
He's hopelessly tethered to the planet
Earth.
But you should see the guitar teachers
f-ing melt at this guy's feet.
BartCop TV - where are you?
Have I lied to you before?
Wait, maybe I did, but this is the truth.
This guy can do things with a guitar you can't believe.
I have a saying:
If you don't have it on tape, it didn't happen.
Well - this happened.
I will locate and post appropriate snippetts.
I expect guitar players to insist on full and complete copies,
to check for fakery.
West Wingers on strike
Rob Lowe and Martin Sheen get over $100K per episode.
CJ, Toby, Josh and Leo only get $30,000 per episode.
That doesn't seem at all fair, after two seasons with a Hall of Fame Emmy winning powerhouse.
I'll give you Martin Sheen's irreplacability, but Sam Sehorn?
$100K?
To me, Lowe is less of the show than Josh or Toby.
But on the other side, $30K a week and all the fame and respect
you can handle?
Some people would kill for that.
Like the Sopranos gang, everyone on West Wing has a lucrative
future,
except for Larry O'Donnell and that bastard Pat Cadell.
Sidebar:
What's the best way to put this...
If Pat Cadell is ever on fire, he'd better
hope I'm not nearby, and really really have to urinate,
because I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.
I like Rush more than I like Pat Cadell.
I haven't heard if they've come to an agreement, yet.
The producers are offering $60K per show, but they want $90K.
Fundamentally corrupt?
Evidence mounts that GOP used every trick in the book
By Eric Alterman
Excerpt:
The New York Times has discovered mounds
of evidence of unequal treatment of overseas ballots
in Florida on behalf of the Republican
candidate George Bush. Its report provides additional evidence
to demonstrate what almost all of us know
but precious few are willing to admit: the process that
determined the outcome of the 2000 election
was fundamentally corrupt. Republicans dominated
the public relations battle, the behind-the-scenes
political struggle, and ultimately the fateful
Supreme Court decision that handed them
their tarnished victory.
A live Zeppelin bonus
Don't bother if you're not a fan, that means you, Rich.
But this is Zeppelin with the power of the Hammer of the Gods.
This is some monstrously-hot live Led Zeppelin.
Click Here to hear as
a 
file.
Click Here to save as an MP3.
You'll want the speakers faaaaaaar apart for this one.
This is what Detroit got 28 years ago last week.
It's a photon torpedo attack like you've never heard.
This is Zeppelin cooking like an Italian mother --- July 13,
1973
Funny, when Jenna Bush was caught with alcohol, the GOP, in unison, said,
"My God, she's 19, she's in college,
she's an adult and had her own mind.
Nineteen is old enough to vote, and
it's old enough to die for your country
so why the hell should she have to
obey Texas alcohol laws?"
But when it's 24-year old Chandra Levy,
"She's a babe in the woods, a mere intern,
a child for Christ's sake,
being taken advantage of by a
wily, older man."
Breeding
a press of water carriers, or the “Age of Aquarius”
Part I: From my perspective
by James Higdon
Excerpt:
I rarely watch broadcast news anymore.
I don’t listen to it on the radio either, other than to
check traffic reports and the weather.
I’ve discarded from my life all talking heads and
disembodied voices that offer to “inform”
me. Don’t get me wrong. I am a “news junkie.”
I spend several hours a day pouring through
information from sources I trust. But quite
frankly, I’ve grown tired of being lied
to. Lies coming from the broadcast frequencies that I,
and the rest of the American citizenry
own. I see no purpose to being gentle, or kind here.
The time has long passed for mincing words
with amiable complaint.
Special thanks to Yeakley in Dallas for the killer U2 video
From: karengoodrich@bak.rr.com
Subject: Put 2-timing Hutchinson on your list
Bart, don't forget to add Baptist minister Tim
Hutchinson to your list of philandering husbands
on the republican side. The whole time
he was railing against Clinton during the impeachment hearings
he was having an affair with an aid in his office.
All the while his wife of 29 years was living in Ark.
Then he quietly divorced the Mrs. and married
his younger girlfriend.
Everyone forgets about him.
As for Condit, the cable news shows are just going
crazy.
It is so stupid, it has totally wiped out any
discussion of the NY Times findings on the 2000 election,
stem cell research, prescription drugs, Karl
Rove.....the list is endless.
I think it is tragic that Chandra Levy cannot
be found. However, she is 24 yrs. old and not a little girl like
some are saying, she had an affair with a married
man and she knew it all along. Also why does her mother
keep saying "my daughter", never does she say
OUR daughter or give her husband a chance to say anything.
Strange.
Karen
Bakersfield CA
Karen, I agree.
Hutchison is whore scumbag personified.
Banging the help in God's name.
Ted Bundy, OJ, and Gary Condit didn't go that far.
Does it get any worse?
I agree about Chandra, mostly, but she is missing.
"Dad" could be a stepdad.
Mom looks nuts, but she's lost her kid - she gets a pass.
Mean while, the cable talk shows have their money Niagra back,
and America has a summer mini-series to pass the time.
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
bartcop.com
Thanks for the fumble, Dude.
