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 Quotes

"I have this fear that this zone of privacy that we all want protected in our own homes is gradually
  being encroached upon, where criminal activity within the home would in some way be condoned."
    -- cat killer Bill Frist
 

 I'm so old, I remember when the GOP wanted less government. Frist is staying awake at night, trying to
 figure out a way to control what two people do in their own damn bed.  This is what the GOP stands for.
 They have all this Democratic-approved power to spy on everyone for any reason that Bush endorses.
 
 
 

"God tells me which unions are blessed, and which are Satanic."

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Miller flew on Air Force One from San Francisco to Los Angeles with the governor on Friday,
 and later gave a stand-up routine at a Bush fund-raiser in Los Angeles.

"I spent an amazing couple of hours with Dennis Miller," Bush said during his speech
 after Miller's routine. "He keeps you on your toes."
 

 So now Dennis Miller will be slapping ass with Jerry Falwell and Rush Limbaugh
 and Bob Jones and all the Nazi types this whore built a career on ridiculing.

 Quotes

"From Maine to California, it sucks to be governor. Fiscal 2003 for most states ends on Monday,
  and governors have pooled information about how they are handling another miserable year.
  So far 17 states have had to lay off employees. Twenty-two have drawn down their rainy day funds
  -- which peaked in the last of the Clinton years at $48.8 billion, but in this third bare-cupboard year
  of the Bush locusts have just $6.3 billion left.  During these three lean years of Republican federal rule,
  the 50 states have had to close a cumulative $200 billion in budget gaps. And it's not getting better.
  With sketchy information in for next year's budgets from some 41 states, the budget gap in 2004
  will be at least another $78.4 billion."
    --Matt Bivens, Read My Smirk
 

 Jobs and budgets and losing your life's savings aren't important.
 What people want is the guarantee that their president isn't having sex - that's all that matters.

 Out of Control
  If it's allowed to stand, an FCC ruling will feed media merger mania
   by    Bill Clinton,    America's last elected president

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The FCC also opened the door to local TV-newspaper mergers in many places,
 so you'll be getting your news and information from the same company regardless
 of whether you're turning on the TV or opening the newspaper.

 Why is this bad? Because more monolithic control over local media will reduce the
 diversity of information, opinion and entertainment people get. Interesting local
 coverage will be supplanted by lowest-common-denominator mass-market mush.

 Quotes

"Will the problems in Iraq and the attacks spoil the victory achieved by the Americans? Of course not.
  It is a certainty that the regime of Saddam Hussein is gone from Iraq. That's an absolute certainty."
    --General Tommy Franks,
 

 Excuse me, General Franks.
 If the regime is gone, who's killing our soldiers, one a day?

 Subject: Monkey mail on taxes

 Bart:

 You were no doubt right to wade into your poker-playing relative in your inimitable direct way.
 I tend to think of ways to use a man's metaphor against him.   Here's how I would have put it:

 The problem isn't that a game is rained out: it's that the ballteam is about to fold.
 The team's been playing good ball, but the numbers just aren't there.

 So the owners decide that the best way to stimulate revenue is---

 ---to lower the price on skyboxes?

 And when it's pointed out that, with the soaring prices for parking around the stadium,
 it's getting more and more expensive for fans to come to the games, to sneer at the idea
 that lowering the prices for the cheaper seats might get people to come more often.
 "Those people are already getting a bargain."

 What would you do with ballclub management like that?

 Fire their asses.

 Peter G.
 

 To be honest, I didn't even read his e-mail.
 Anytime a ditto-monkey explains how a liberal thinks, I know he's lying.

 I can't speak for all liberals, but I can speak for them better than Rush, Hannity, O'Reilly, etc.

 Quotes

"I thought we were holding our own until this week, and now I'm not sure. If we don't get this
  operation moving soon, the opposition will continue to grow, and we will have a much larger problem."
    -- Richard M. Atchison, Central Command,    Experts Question Depth of Victory
 

 Wait, let me get this straight:
 Our $400B military is barely "holding it's own" against a $4B military?
 
 

"This is Clinton's fault. He ruined the military."

 Bart,

 We were very happy with the number of looks we got
 as a result of  placing our ad on bartcop.com.

 Pound for pound, we got our money's worth and then some.
 We'd be happy to offer a testimonial, if you'd like.

 We're also interested in advertising on Bartcop Radio.
 withheld

 (real e-mail)

 Thanks for saying that.
 Single, 30-second ads are just $11 for BartCop Radio.
 Maybe we could go 8 ads for $50 or so.
 Since BCR only has one advertiser, we have't worked a lot on rate schedules :)

 I mailed a bagload of stickers out lately.

 You can get  bartcop.com  stickers free.
 Send a stamped, self-addressed envelope to
 bartcop.com
 PO Box 54466
 Tulsa, OK 74155

 Donations accepted, but not required.

 Give Pistachios a Chance
  saw it on  www.mcgillreport.org

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Which country is widely considered to produce the world's best pistachio nuts and Beluga caviar?

 The answer is Iran -- one of the troika of countries that President Bush has labeled the "axis of evil"
 because of its government's sponsorship of global terrorism. It's also the country whose repressive
 Islamic leadership, many believe, is next in line after Afghanistan and Iraq to feel intense U.S. pressure
 for a regime change. It might be worthwhile to brush up a bit on a country against whom our
 government is now making thinly-veiled threats of a new Iraq-like aggression.

 Did you see Beyonce on the Essence Awards?

 First of all, her name is Beyonce.
 Like Madonna, and Cher and Elvis, there's only one Beyonce.
 She needs a last name like she needs two other women singing with her.

 Did you see her performance at the Essence Awards?
 It was taped in advance, and some TV critic said,
"If nothing else, tune in to see Beyonce blow the roof off the dump with "Crazy in Love."

 She did that.

 Wow.

 Maureen the Dragonlady on Scaley Scalia

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
"In his dissent to the decision striking down a Texas sodomy law and declaring that gays are "entitled to respect
 for their private lives," Justice Scalia raved that the court had "largely signed on to the so-called homosexual agenda"
 and predicted a "massive disruption of the current social order."

 State laws could tumble, he huffed, barring masturbation. Next, Sister Scalia will tell us it makes you go blind.
 He also tut-tutted that laws against bestiality might fall away. (Maybe he should be warning fellow dissenter
 Clarence Thomas. Anita Hill told Congress he had been beastly to her by describing an X-rated film about bestiality.)
 

 Clarence "Slappy" Thomas is into beastiality?
 Gross!
 That's (probably) worse than Weinerboy wanting to have sex with the dead!
 And Slappy has a lifetime appoinment to enjoy his beastiality movies and his right hand.

 Disclaimer:
 Dowd often tells big-ass lies, completely fabricated without a humor shield.
 We know Slappy's a pervert, so I believe this Dowd accusation to be true.

 What is it with the GOP and weirdo sex?

 This is Rush Limbaugh, getting "the best of" a defenseless goat.

 From: jason bunch

 Subject: Bart, What the "F" are you talking about?

 Man, I love your site, but your anti-religious shite has reached irrational heights.
 Here is what appeared on your site Friday:

 "I find it strange that a pro-life politician like George Bush is planning to kill as many Iraqi children
 as he can in the name of oil or whatever it is that's really on the agenda." -Bill Blaikie, Manitoba Member of Parliament,

 YOU, then wrote:

 >...and for some goddamned reason, the churches are behind Bush's insane murder spree.
 > You can't trust the churches.  They can be bought like the media and crack whores.

 What the royal fuck are you talking about?!?!?  Not a single church outside of the Southern Baptist
 Convention supported Bush's bullshit war in Iraq.  Take back that generalization about the "churches".  .
 

 Jason, thanks for the note.
 First, it's almost impossible to reach anti-religious irrational heights.
 Religion is the forsaking of common sense - the belief in invisible ghosts that do not exist.

 Second, you don't really want to argue that the churches aren't about money, do you?
 Granted, I only have experience with Catholics, but churches are run like baseball teams,
 except baseball doesn't systematically rotate child rapists from one city to the next.

 Third, you have a point that there might be many churches who are against this bloody mess of a war
 that have not been reported due to the American media being on Bush's payroll to rah-rah this slaughter.

 I would guess "the churches" have a bigger hammer than  bartcop.com
 Why have we not heard their condemnation of this insane warmonger and his bloody, illegal actions?

 If you want to trust the churches, I will not stand in your way.
 But we live in a reality that needs logical answers to real problems.

 Lastly, remember that I'm not attacking you.
 I'm attacking a crazy institution that trades a can't-be-true fairy tale for your money.

 Quotes

"All the Iraqi people want power and running water, but they don't realize
  that we don't have power and running water either. They don't believe us.
  All they know is that the palace must have the best running water and electricity."
    --Maj. Artice Scott, whose unit is based in a onetime guest palace
 

 But Major Scott - they had water and electricity before we "liberated" them.

 Example:
 Right now, I have electricity and water - and an illegal thug appointed himself king in a power coup.
 If France came here and chased Bush out of the White House (Stop laughing - this is only an example)
 I would ask our French invaders to restore my electricity and water.  What's not to understand?

  Welcome to Bush's Amerikkka
 Rage. Mistrust. Hatred. Fear.
  The US is crushing its citizens' rights

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 A chill wind is blowing in this nation,' said Robbins -- who, along with his wife, Susan Sarandon,
 has been routinely denounced by the American right. 'A message is being sent through the White
 House and its allies in talk radio ... if you oppose this administration, there can and will be ramifications.
 Every day the airwaves are filled with warnings, veiled and unveiled threats, spewed invective and
 hatred directed at any voice of dissent. And the public ...sit in mute opposition and fear.'

 Just days before this speech, Saddam's statue in Baghdad was wrapped in the Stars and Stripes
 and dragged to earth by US tanks. To millions of Americans like Robbins, the image must have
 been replete with irony. Here was democratic America destroying one of the most tyrannical
 regimes on earth in the name of freedom -- yet in the process of fighting for democracy abroad,
 America's own freedoms were being systematically eaten away at home.

 Subject: Moose talk

 bart,

 first of all;long time reader,first time writer.
 second;i am a liberal,registered-voting,democrat,card-carrying aclu member,white male in alabama...
 which legally makes me protected under the endangered species act. now to the essence of my letter.

 Dude, you gotta let those letters b-r-e-a-t-h-e a little.
 The space bar is your friend....
 

 i agree that moose was definitely getting  the most out of his 15 minutes by grandstanding and acting
 like he was tommy lee jones in "the fugitive"(when in reality he was more like jackie gleason in
"smokey and the bandit",oof!).and,you won't find a bigger conspiracy theorist than me when it comes
 to people scheming to get rich off others tragedy,but i don't think moose was in enough control of the
 situation to slow anything down. not to say he wouldn't if he could have, but a guy like that who is not
 used to being in the spotlight couldn't possibly get away with allowing more people to die for his benefit.
 the media would have eaten him alive,especially in d.c. where scandals and lies are more abundant than
 national monuments.just my two cents. could be wrong.

 keep fightin' the good fight,
 dirtisowth
 

 Dirty, I find myself misunderstood.
 I didn't say he was guilty, I said I extra-don't like him and he was in a position that could be abused.

 Reminder:
 My biggest complaint with Moose was that one night, when the entire nation tuned in to see if they had
 caught the sniper(s) or not, Moose milked that moment like he was Pat Boone at a Bar Mitvah.  (What?)

 He could've said, "Good evening, we believe we have the sniper in custody," but nooooooooo.
 Moose went on and on and on longer than it takes Lynyrd Skynyrd to end Freebird.
 I believe that to be a sickness, a sickness that will make him a lot of money.

 And not that I'm one to argue, (cough) but wasn't there something about Moose refusing to take
 a phone call from the sniper?  Didn't the sniper have to call 2-3 times to get a message to Moose?

 Could've been innocent, ...sure, ...but you know, in a court of law, which is where this case is headed,
 the defense atty always asks, "And how much did YOU make for the story you're telling here today?"

 I'm starting to see the initials "O.J." everytime this subject comes up.

 Quotes

"Every second, you feel like you could get shot. The people say to me that the Americans
  will stay forever.   'It's not true,' I tell them. 'We don't want to occupy Iraq. We want to
  get home to our families.' But, you know, I don't think a lot of them believe me."
   -- an Americam soldier in Iraq
 

 "We don't want to occupy Iraq. We were sent here to murder Saddam and steal your oil."

 Quotes

"The longer this goes on, the more violent these events will become. We learned this
  in Lebanon and Somalia -- and Iraq is much more challenging than either of these."
    --Gen. Carlton Fulford predicting "a long, tough haul in Iraq"   Experts Question Depth of Victory

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
"...there was unanimity as to Iraq's WMD:
"a massive array of evidence," "a detailed and persuasive case," "a powerful case," "a sober, factual case,"
"an overwhelming case," "a compelling case," "the strong, credible and persuasive case," "a persuasive,
 detailed accumulation of information," "the core of his argument was unassailable," "a smoking fusillade . . .
 a persuasive case for anyone who is still persuadable," "an accumulation of painstakingly gathered and
 analyzed evidence," "only the most gullible and wishful thinking souls can now deny that Iraq is
 harboring and hiding weapons of mass destruction," "the skeptics asked for proof; they now have it,"
"a much more detailed and convincing argument than any that has previously been told," "Powell's evidence . .
 was overwhelming," "an ironclad case . . . incontrovertible evidence," "succinct and damning evidence...
 the case is closed," "Colin Powell delivered the goods on Saddam Hussein," "masterful," "If there was any
 doubt...Powell put it to rest."
 

 If this writer had any balls, he would've listed each paper with their fawning over the Bush Monster.
 These reporters are such bed-wetting Nancyboys, always protecting each other from harm.

 Gag me!

 These press handjobs think their in some "exclusive club," like the damn senate.
 They don't even have the courage - after the fact - to say, "Bush mislead all of us."

 Kickback

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 On October 25, 2001, MakeThemAccountable reported on a deal that had been made in 2000
 between political advisor Karl Rove and Jack Welch, who was then Chairman of General Electric.
 The arrangement involved a quid pro quo in which the mainstream media agreed to run interference
 for the Bush campaign with the understanding that a new Republican administration would eliminate
 regulations on communications conglomerates.

 In exchange for faithfully executing their part of the most pernicious alliance in American history,
 the multinational media companies have recently received the latest installment of a multi-billion dollar kickback:
 

 NBC did a GREAT job of getting Bush elected.
 That bastard Russert was a standout whore in an industry of whores.

 He was Karl Rove's personal shoelicker, running AS FACT any slur or rumor Rove gave him.
 After each debate, Rove sent Russert pages of "lies" that Gore told, and Timmy the pit bull
 became Bush's free advertising man at NBC.

 Every Clinton White House aide that went on Meet the Whore from 1998-2001 was
 grilled hard with questions about Clinton's cock, and Russert never once let go.
 Russert stayed on Clinton's cock like he was enjoying every inch of it.

 But once Bush stole power and fabricated reasons to involve America in a fake war, Timmy the pit bull
 turned into a gentle lamb with a tender ass - always pointed upward for Mt Rove or the Governor to enjoy.

 More weird GOP sex
  This time, it's Santorum

 Was Strom Thurmond murdered?

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The President: Please be seated. I would say "good morning," but I cannot, for today comes on the heels of
 one of the darkest days in the entire history of our great Christian nation. Yesterday evening, heroically spry
 ladies man and pillar of inclusiveness Senator Strom Thurmond was brutally murdered by a deranged and
 sickening United States Supreme Court ruling.

 Back in September of 1998, while I was still Governor of Texas, I explicitly told my state prosecutors that
 any jail cells not already occupied by colored fellas too poor to buy real cocaine instead of that really
 disappointing crack stuff should be immediately filled up with anybody suspected of hot man-on-man ass sex

 Subject: Miami coup update

 Dear Bart,

 Roger Morse was one of the participants in the Miami coup of 2000 ( # 7 in the picture ).

 "I think staging a riot is better than counting votes.
  Don't you agree?   Riots or democracy?"
 Let me hear from you!!   rogerm@prestongates.com
 

 A Morse law-firm (LOBBYIST?) update is at: http://www.prestongates.com/meetpge/pro.asp?proID=742

 It has an e-mail if you want to contact Mr. Morse for your lobbying needs.

 Give the Tennessee voters credit for rejecting his then-boss Van Hilleary for Governor in 2002.
 Before all that he worked for Tom DeLay.

 Sincerely,
 Jim from Tennessee
 

 Jim, wouldn't it be cool if everyone who reads this let Mr Morse know
 that WE believe in choosing our leaders legally, at the ballot box, instead of
 staging a phoney riot, and posing as "concerned Florida voters."

 Can anyone else in that picture be located?
 Let's out every one of those sons of bitches.
 Let write to each and every undemocractic thug!

 Quotes

"This duty is absolutely ridiculous. We are combat troops. We are trained in combat.
  We are not trained in peacekeeping. We should all be home by now It's like we won
  the Super Bowl but we have to keep on playing."
    --Sgt. 1st Class Richard Edwards, who I'll bet loves Dubya with everything he's got.

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Democrats also objected to Republican parliamentary maneuvers, which saw the Republicans
 attaching their abortion bill to a law about circuses, the concealed-carry weapon bill attached to
 a Department of Natural Resources proposal, and the tort reform bill attached to a bill concerning
 mortgages.

 Representatives Steve Sviggum (R-Kenyon) and Erik Paulsen (R-Eden Prairie) dismissed the
 Democrat’s complaints, accusing Senate Democrats of making such tactics necessary.
 

 Meet Isaac in Dallas
 From August 6-10, he'll be staying at the Dallas Hyatt Regency.

 Dish TV or Direct TV?

  Our Dish Network receiver is about 6 years old.
  I'm contemplating the $100 switch.

 1. Which is best, and why?

 2. Does either offer any kind of video-on-demand?

 3. Does either offer first-run movies?

 4. Does one get channels the other doesn't?
     Note: I'm a football fan - each week we get whoever dallas is losing to and KC.

 5. There is a difference, right?

 Help an old altar boy out.

 bartcop@bartcop.com

 If you would, put "Dish" or Direct" in the subject box, would you?

 States Closing Historical Sites - Budget Woes

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 GUILFORD, Conn. - Joan Ces and her 7-year-old son came all the way from California
 to see early American history, but when they reached the oldest stone house in New England,
 it was closed. The reason: state budget cuts.

 Connecticut isn't alone. Serious budget shortfalls have historic preservation programs across the
 country fighting for survival, according to the National Trust, an advocacy group for historic preservation.
 Historical societies are trying to absorb the cuts by reducing the number of days that sites are open,
 cutting tours and even contemplating the closing of some attractions.
.
 

"Screw history - my oil buddies needed another tax cut."

 If you weren't able to check in over the weekend,

 Click  Here  to see what you missed.

 Poll: Blair no longer trusted, should quit

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Most Britons no longer find Tony Blair trustworthy and nearly half think he should quit,
 according to a newspaper poll Sunday.   It showed most voters also say his record on health,
 crime, transport and asylum-seekers is poor.  On the question of trust, Blair was backed
 by 36 percent but doubted by 58 percent.
 

 Blair knew siding with Moron would cost him his career.
 Anybody doubt that his next job will be with The Carlyle Group?
 They'll spin it as "Sometimes, doing the right thing isn't popular," the bastards,
 and Bush's obedient puppy press will echo that horseshit a thousand times..

 This is what Bush's numbers would be if America had a free press.
 But noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

 The American media is solidly and shamefully behind the Illegal Fraud..
 They protect us from his gaffes, reporting on what he meant to say - not what he said.
 They soft-pedall everything bad, and glamour up the facade that he's some kind of tough cowboy.
 This phoney crap has been going on loooong before 9-11.
 The media elected George Bush and wouldn't allow the rightfully-elected president to take office.

 This "president" enjoys killing people, he showed that many times, even in presidential debates.
 Smirking when he was salivating at the thought of killing Byrd's pickup draggers.
 You could see it in his eyes - he really comes alive when someone's about to die.
 We've never had a president who enjoys killing so much.

 He's a sick bastard.

 Subject: Radio

 Works good! I have a high-speed line, so there was no problem
  with the original cinco, but the new smaller/faster one works, too.

 I enjoy all of it except the music (OK, I'm even older than you, and raised
 on Schubert and company.) The farthest out I get is Freddy Mercury.

 You are good, and your rants rock.
 Tally really is vixenish (in moments) and Tommy is quality all the way.

 My $10 is well spent.

 Dick P
 

 Dick, if you can make MP3s, send me some Schubert snippets.

 bartcop@bartcop.com

 Quotes

"Oregon’s medical marijuana program is lowering the fees it charges people
  because they have a 300,000-dollar surplus. What a shock – the first time a
  government has ever made money at anything and it’s selling drugs."
     --Jay Leno
 

 If medical science was in charge, and not religion,
 we could balance the budget with legalized pot.

 Supremos and Sellouts
  Pundit Pap, as seen on AMPOL

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 But the biggest headlines came from Tim Russert's first guests and a scathing report on lack of preparedness
 for another terrorist attack. Naturally, Russert and his guests tried to convince viewers that they weren't out
 to blame anyone (read: George W. Bush, Tom Ridge, Bill Frist, Denny Hastert, Tom DeLay).

 Naturally, the facts speak for themselves -- and indict George W. Bush, Tom Ridge, Bill Frist, Denny Hastert
 and Tom DeLay for a sellout of those uniformed municipal employees who will have to be first responders
 when there is another terrorist strike. After all, priorities are priorities -- and the rich have to get their tax cut.

 Have a good time today - that's an order.

Search Now:

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 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2003, bartcop.com
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

 Maybe someday Shirley will call to say "Hi!"
 on the Bart-Phone at 918-493-1500
 That will be cool.

 bartcop.com  and BartCop are trademarks of quality humor.
 Same for "ditto-monkey," "scum-sucking Republican bastards" and Gov Bush (R-Racist monkey)
 Hey, if Spike can do it, why can't I?