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"A modem, a smart mouth and the truth." Established Feb. 1996 |
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..
Reminder: Bill
Maher returns tonight (Fri)
PayPal or credit
card!
Friday Aug 25, 2006 Vol 1826 - Fart Joke President
thanks to Bruce Yurgil  Quote of the Day "Iraqis are excited and enjoying their freedom"
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In
Today's Tequila Treehouse...
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Quotes
"Word is, he likes to gas a couple, and then
bring the
aide in and see what the kid's face
looks like."
--U.S. News & Whore Report's Paul Bedard saying when
Dubya meets a new aide
he
raises one leg and farts to watch for the kid's reaction,
Link
We have 2600 dead soldiers in his World war, a ruined economy and trillions
in debt
because this ignorant nine seven year
old is running the world?
Remember the promise of "dignity" he was going to bring to the Oval
Office?
Send
e-mail to Bart
Discuss
it on the Bartcop Forum
The Cult
of the Offensive
by Ivan Eland
Excerpt:
Although last weekend's Israeli commando raid
into Lebanon was billed by the Israeli government
as an effort to prevent the rearming of Hezbollah,
many suspect it was designed to grab a high-level
Hezbollah leader to exchange for the Israeli
soldiers captured by Hezbollah.
Why then, wasn't this type of raid Israel's initial
response to the soldiers' capture, rather than the
leveling of southern Lebanon and the killing
of hundreds of innocent civilians?
Clearly, Israeli Prime Minister Olmert is using
the recent commando raid as a desperate attempt to
salvage something from his disastrous offensive
into Lebanon. Unfortunately, the unsuccessful raid,
coupled with the reluctance of European nations
to send their forces into southern Lebanon as
peacekeepers, threatens to collapse the fragile
ceasefire there.
Note: consortiumnews.com is the
most important site on the internet
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e-mail to Bart
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Election-theft testimony
Excerpt:
Are there computer programs that can be used
to secretly fix elections?
Yes.
How do you know that to be the case?
In 2000, I wrote a prototype for Congressman Tom Feeney [R-FL]...
It would rig an election?
It would flip the vote, 51-49. Whoever you wanted it to go to..
And would that be something that elections officials... could detect?
They'd never see it.
So, why aren't the Democrats doing anything about this?
"Republicans are honest people - why investigate?"
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e-mail to Bart
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Subject: principles
One Imperialist is as bad as another.
That's crazy talk.
Clinton sent six cruise missiles into Baghdad
and allowed those disgusting sanctions to continue.
He may smile real purty, but he's a big a piece
of scum as any of the other good ol' boys.
1. What's the alternative to the sanctions?
Allow Saddam to invade anyone
he wants with no penalty?
2. Clinton didn't kill 2600 soldiers and 100,000
civilians fior greed,
Clinton didn't make a deal
with Hezbollah to get into the White House,
so your nutty-ass assertion
that "they're all the same"
proves you're nuts.
I will NEVER vote for another Democrat OR Republican
for president
as long as our current foreign policy of total
domination is pursued
C Fee
You're helping Bush kill, murder rape and steal.
You clearly enjoy helping Bush - why not openly
support him?
Expect a thank you card from Karl Rove.
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e-mail to Bart
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Quotes
"Tom Cruise was so upset about getting fired
he called Brook Shields
and asked her if he could borrow some
anti-depressants. Then he called
Matt Lauer and asked if he could recommend
a good psychiatrist."
-- Dave
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e-mail to Bart
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Subject: Cut and run
Dear Mr. Vice President,
I applaud your efforts to bring the cowardly Democrats
to account.
I was really outraged to see this cartoon about
you, Sir.
I mean, they could have leveled this charge at
Rove, Frist, Hastert, Delay
or many other Republican leaders. Those
Democrats are so mean.
I know you and President Bush need our loyalty,
not matter what.
Especially now that everything has gone wrong
in Iraq, Lebanon, and Palestine.
It really bothers me when the Democrats insult
you like this. I know you have
shot men before and could have gotten shot by
that quail hunter down there in
Texas or wherever, if he'd been quicker on the
trigger than you.
Mr. Vice President, that's exactly how I feel!
Sincerely,
Don the Day Trader
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George's Pet Goat
Excerpt:
In the words of the schoolchildren who watched
that day, it is a simple thing to describe memories
of watching President Bush learn about the 9-11
terror attacks: happy and sad. It was supposed to
be a day of celebration -- with Bush there to
congratulate the classroom of second-graders for
improving their reading scores -- and it was,
until a man stepped forward and whispered something
into the president's ear. "His face just sort
of turned red,'' said Tyler Radkey, who had a front-row
seat that morning. 'I thought, personally, he
had to go to the bathroom.''
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Subject: McCain beatdown from BCR 96
Excellent slice 'n' dice of the McCain/Leno powderpuff
show.
Glad to see you haven't lost anything since my
Eddie B.-paid subscription expired;
I've missed hearing you.
Roger
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e-mail to Bart
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President on Another Planet
Excerpt:
For a moment there, I was almost encouraged.
George W. Bush, the most resolutely incurious and
inflexible of presidents, was reported last week
to have been surprised at seeing Iraqi citizens -- who
ought to be grateful beneficiaries of the American
occupation, I mean "liberation" -- demonstrating in
support of Hezbollah and against Israel. Surprise
would be a start, since it would mean the Decider
was admitting novel facts to his settled base
of knowledge and reacting to them. Alas, it seems the
door to the presidential mind is still locked
tight. "I don't remember being surprised," he said at his
news conference yesterday. "I'm not sure what
they mean by that." I'm guessing "they" might mean
that when you try to impose your simplistic,
black-and-white template on a kaleidoscopic world,
and you end up setting the Middle East on fire,
either you're surprised or you're not paying attention.
But that's just me.
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e-mail to Bart
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Subject: Secret GOP plan to impeach Bush
Have you heard that there is a secret Republican
plan to impeach Bush?
If the Democrats win both houses it just might
happen. Here's the reason:
If the Dems win then they might impeach Bush and
Cheney making Nancy Pelosi
president as she would be Speaking of the House
and next in line. However, if the
Republicans impeach Bush before the Dems take
power in January then Dennis Hassert
becomes president instead of Pelosi. But
they would have just over 60 days to do it
so they have to have it all planned out in advance.
It does seem extreme for Republicans to impeach
Bush, but as we know if Nancy Pelosi
is president she will probably pick Hillary Clinton
as VP and the GOP can't let that happen.
So the rumor might just be true. When you think
about it it all starts to make sense.
Marc Perkel
San Francisco, CA.
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e-mail to Bart
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it on the Bartcop Forum
Dangerous Days
Excerpt:
This is as dangerous an August as I can recall,
at least since Saddam invaded Kuwait 16 years ago.
The Europeans are dithering over contributions
to a peacekeeping force while a dangerously unstable
Lebanon slips into a "security vacuum," in the
words of United Nations envoy Terje Roed-Larsen.
Iran is stringing along the West in negotiations
as it rushes to perfect the nuclear fuel cycle - which
could occur as soon as the next several months
- while bidding skillfully for regional hegemony.
North Korea is hinting darkly at a nuclear test
after firing off missiles. And Iraq is, well, say no more.
It is the sort of moment when
peace and history could be hanging in the balance for a generation to
come - the kind of tipping point when American
presidents can no longer leave the negotiating to underlings.
They must take the world stage themselves to
find a new way out, simply because no one else has the
globo-oomph to do so. There is a grand American
tradition behind this sort of personal involvement of
America's chief executive, one that goes back
almost precisely a century. Teddy Roosevelt spent much
of August 1905 prodding an end ro the Russo-Japanese
war. Woodrow Wilson went to Paris for nearly
six months in 1919 to negotiate the end of World
War I. FDR, though he was dying, flew halfway around
the world to hash out the postwar peace at Yalta.
Nixon went to China, Reagan went Iveland and Carter
holed up at Camp David with Begin and Sadat.
Meanwhile, Der Monkey is going to Kennebunkport to play golf with Poppy.
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Quotes
"When you have the likes of Sen. Ted Stevens
of Alaska, a conservative
Republican, and he says he has seen
the changes in his lifetime in the Arctic,
there is just no doubt that something
has to happen."
-- Betsy Moler, a VP at Exelon Corp. of Chicago,
an energy firm Link
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e-mail to Bart
Discuss
it on the Bartcop Forum
Subject: terrorist?
Recently my brother was standing at the bar talking
to a friend.
They were discussing the ineptness and stupidity
of Bush.
Before he knew it, a fellow patron approached,
said he'd overheard their
conversation and asked if my brother was a terrorist!!
At that point it was pointed out to him that
maybe he should mind his own business.
Almost let to a fist fight.
Just goes to show the mind set of the hardcore
Bush backers.
Either your for Bush or your a terrorist!!
Even had my ditto head (Limbaugh listener) nephew
ask his grandmother
(my 82 year old mother) if she was a terrorist
because of her hatred of Bush and his policies.
This must be the latest propaganda put out by
the Right Wing Neo-Con Nazis.
Thanks,
Mr. McB
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'Survivor'
& race
People are going crazy
over this
Excerpt:
Segregated "Survivor."
Race will matter on the upcoming season of the
CBS show as contestants will be divided
into four tribes by ethnicity. That means blacks,
whites, Latinos and Asians in separate groups.
Host Jeff Probst says the idea "actually came
from the criticism that 'Survivor' was not ethnically
diverse enough." He says the twist fits in perfectly
with what "Survivor" does, saying the show is
"a social experiment. And this is adding another
layer to that experiment." Probst says contestants
had mixed reactions to the racial divisions.
Randi Rhodes went nuts over this Thursday.
She attacked the show and CBS, but a lot of rage
was pointed at the vulgar Pigboy
and the Fascists who are giggling with glee at
the prospect of a "race dividing" season.
Yahoo's actual headline was:
New 'Survivor'
Divides Groups by Race
Why couldn't that headline have read:
New 'Survivor'
brings races together
If this is a bad idea, why can't it just be a bad idea?
They've always called the show, "a social experiment," because there
are only two rules.
- You can't physically strike or harm another person and
- No splitting the jackpot.
Everything else is up to the players.
Who's the boss, who's the leader?
What behavior is acceptable?
What's going too far?
It's how a society makes rules.
Until someone explains to me exactly what the problem is,
I'm going to hold my condemnation until I see something objectionable.
Maybe America's about to learn where we are on the racism evolutionary
line.
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e-mail to Bart
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Subject: yesterday's Monkey mail
jallison in Carolina said: "If not, go back
to where you come from,
either a foreign country, or get a sex change
to a pussy.
The rest of the world will kill you like a magot,
given the chance."
That says it all for jallison -- if you're not
a war-mongering hate-filled
giggling sociopathic murderer, you're no better
than a WOMAN?
He is the worst kind of redneck head-up-his-ass
bush-loving garbage.
Rock on!
Suzanne
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Gary
and the gang in Gary, IN
Lesbian victory overturned
Excerpt:
The Democratic primary victory of Alabama lesbian
Patricia Todd for a seat in the statehouse was
overturned by a party committee tonight. The
committee vote was 5-0. Had the committee not reversed
the election, which Todd won by 59 votes, she
would have become the first openly gay elected official
in the state's history. No Republican has entered
the race in the overwhelmingly Democratic district.
How is this legal?
Or is it just legal in a backwards hellhole like Alabama?
Isn't there some "Exclusionary rule" that prevents laws being applied
to some individuals?
It figures - the first time in memory where the Democrats take a stand
and they're uniting to prevent an election winnder from taking office.
How did I get in this party?
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e-mail to Bart
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it on the Bartcop Forum
Supporting
the Troops
by William Rivers Pitt
Excerpt:
The Bush administration's most recent budget
framework includes $910 million in cuts to the VA.
2,615 American soldiers have been killed in Iraq,
and yet efforts to double the death benefit for soldiers
killed in active duty have been forcefully resisted
by the White House. Pay raises for soldiers have been
capped. The tax-cut mantra of the White House
has not trickled down far enough to assist the troops on
the line; soldiers fighting overseas and soldiers
deployed for extended periods have not been deemed
worthy of even minimal tax relief, while billions
of dollars in tax cuts are gifted to the wealthiest among us.
Nearly 20,000 soldiers have been wounded in Iraq,
but must wait nearly six months before being seen by
a VA hospital. Perhaps worst of all, the White
House quietly attempted to cut combat pay for all soldiers
serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, but this measure
was quickly scrapped after it became public.
This from the man whose staged photo-ops
with serving soldiers have become the stuff of lore.
This from the man whose defenders denounce
critics with the line, "Why don't you support the troops?"
This from an administration filled with
officials who had other priorities when they were called to serve.
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Marty's Entertainment Page
always has good stuff.
Click on the E!
New Shirts
Available in black and royal blue
MaK shirts just $23
Order
yours today!
Up close you can see $$$$ in Der Monkey's eyes.
2-color Vio-Ext shirts just $25
Order
yours today!
WPE shirts just $23
Order
yours today!
Snippy e-mail contest
A reader suggested a contest - he paid for ten WPE or MaK shirts to use for prizes.
Here's how you win:
Write a hot or snippy e-mail to at least three media outlets
and send us a copy.
Be sure the reader knows you're not happy with Der Monkey
and his murders,
rapes, torture, invasions, thefts, gas-gouging, military draft, Katrina
or whatever.
Include the line "worst president ever" in it, somewhere.
Be firm, be angry but don't be crude or vulgar.
I know you can write an angry letter and still make it G-rated
or PG.
We'll have ten winners - IF
ten people send in their e-mails.
Subject: "Nader voters"
I was in South Carolina in 2000, there was NO
DOUBT Bush would win.
I voted for John McCain in the primary, in hopes
of shoving Bush off the ballot.
Since Gore had no chance to take the state, I
decided to cast my vote for Nader.
It was as much a protest against the way campaigns
are run in this country as it was
a way of stating my disgust with the entanglements
of both major parties with big
business and the influence of big money in our
electoral process.
Frankly, I don't give a flying *fuck* what you
and your like-minded followers think
about my vote for Nader in that election, UNLESS
you lump me in with people who
were in states like Florida and who should have
known the danger of casting a vote in
a potentially-close race. That you and those
with similar mind-sets have, for all these years,
pissed and moaned about "Nader voters" as a monolithic
group is much too simplistic,
and smacks of a certain backwardness.
<snippage>
Not EVERY PERSON who cast a vote for Ralph Nader
is a drooling, idiotic,
shadow Bush supporter hoping for the death of
our Nation.
Goffy
Dude, if your vote helps Bush - ...the difference is unprofound.
Even if the system's broke,
even if you're tired of Bush/Clinton/Bush/Clinton,
you can't change anything until you have power.
Nader should make a deal with the Democrats.
He'll throw his two percent to them if
they agree to open up the system
after they've taken power and put Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld et al.
in jail.
And Ralph can run the Dept of Consumer Affairs or whatever - everybody
wins.
Bartcop - Uniter, Builder of Coalitions.
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Activist
Judges
by Molly Ivins
Excerpt:
Another bee-you-ti-ful example of the right-wing
media getting it all wrong. They mutter in public about
"activist judges" because Judge Anna Diggs Taylor
has pointed out that spying without a warrant is illegal
- so warrantless telephone tapping is illegal
in this country. Improbably enough, the first complaint of many
of these soi-disant legal scholars is that Taylor's
decision is not well written. No judicial masterpiece,
they sneer. Nevertheless, warrantless spying
is illegal. Did it ever occur to these literary critics that Taylor
has a lay-down hand? The spying program is flat
unconstitutional, and for those who insist this means
Osama bin Laden wins, it's also ridiculously
easy to fix so that it is constitutional. Conservatives in this
country have been yipping in chorus for years
about "activist judges," and frankly, like fools, many of you
bought into the phony political rhetoric about
those terrible jurists.
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Random Thought...
As the anniversary of Bush's Katrina mega-disaster, he's bragging how
he spent
$100 million on rebuilding - but that's not really what happened.
The truth is, he gave cronies like Halliburton that $100M, and they
hired
other companies to do the work for, say, $75M and kept the $25M as
a "finders fee."
Bush cronies make $25M for making a few phone calls and the Democrats
remain silent
as the poor blacks in New Orleans get raped by Bush all over again.
"We love this president and that's not going to change!"
Every disaster is another chance to steal millions.
...and nobody gets hurt but the "darkies" so it's OK.
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Iraq oil
output up to 2.5M barrels per day
times Bush's oil gouge which is going
to
$100a
barrel
makes $250,000,000
Bush will steal every day.
Oil is going to $100 a barrel, then to $200
No wonder they were so eager to start a war
Bush's "Bring 'em on" death taunt is up to...
2615....2619
American victims
Four more dead since yesterday.
If we "stay the course,"
that's another 1500 dead each year.
By Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween,
Bush will have killed
more Americans than his old partner Osama.
Official
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Photography by Andrew Estes
These shotglasses are sweet.
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We located the highest quality shotglasses available on the web.
The gold is
real gold.
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If you just need two, get them for just $25.
Get Chinaco shotglasses Here
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Kissyface
Putz
He's joined the Mob
"Don't
tell me what the latest polls say!"
Excerpt:
Kissyface said: "I came out of the middle class
and, being a senator,
I haven't gone much beyond the middle class."
I haven't gone much beyond the middle class?
Could anything better sum up
the way American politicians have forgotten how
things are back on Earth?
The Liebermans made $366K last year. This
places them in the top 1 percent.
Moreover, their homes are worth maybe a million
dollars.
The comparable amount for the average U.S. family
is about $30,000.
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Subject: Rockey's trailer
Hey Bart -refugee from New Orleans here.
About this Rockey, the Louisiana State Embarassment,
aside from whatever absurd amount of gas
it must have cost to drive that monstrosity over
a thousand miles to D.C., it's completely illegal to
leave the affected area with a FEMA trailer.
You can't leave, in this case, Texas, Louisiana or
Mississippi with a FEMA trailer. I want
to know if Rockey the Bush-loving Republican) got
arrested, fined, whatever? Or can the rest
of us can take our trailers to someplace safe??
The NO Times-Picayune has been running a weblog
of this caravan, noting the regulation against
towing the FEMA trailer he lives in and describing
the one that made the trip as an "honorary FEMA trailer". http://www.nola.com/katrina/journey/index.ssf?/mtlogs/nola_journey/archives/2006_08.html
So apparently Rocky (who apparently was a Republican
local candidate for parish commissioner in 1999)
was given a FEMA trailer the rest of us didn't
get for the purpose of this political ploy.
Meanwhile, a FEMA trailer park in Louisiana has
198 trailers mostly empty and the few residents
that are there are censored by security goons
from talking to the media: Link
Rodger
(now in NC)
Rodger, friends of Bush don't have to obey the law.
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National
Review: Don't trust McCain
John, I tried to tell you in BCR 96, ...but you don't subscribe
Excerpt:
Burned by McCain's PAC, National Review's Jim
Geraghty today urges other reporters to use extreme
caution in dealing with John McCain's Straight
Talk America PAC, encouraging them to "double check
and verify everything that they are told; it
is entirely possible that what you are told by the organization,
on basic matters such as who is working for them,
is completely false."
In a column entitled, "Attention reporters: Do
Not Trust McCain's PAC," Geraghty details his latest
run-in with STA Executive Director Craig Goldman
and his loose affiliation with the truth.
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The Comedy
of Errors
w/ BCR's Tally Briggs as "Juliet"
Excerpt:
Buena Vista Branch Library
300 N. Buena Vista, Burbank, CA
Presented by Shakespeare at Play.
Pre-show featuring Elizabethan reenactment troupe
the Guild of St. George, plus juggling and swordfighting
workshops, starts at 4 p.m. Picnicking encouraged.
Sunday, August 27: 5:30 p.m.
Price:
Free
Information: 818-566-1925
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e-mail to Bart
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cc: letters@nytimes.com, HeraldEd@herald.com, letters@enquirer.com
Subject: Bush is the worst president ever
George W. Bush is the worst President ever!
He started an illegal war in Iraq, he is a Terrorist.
(terrorism
/n /: the systematic use of violence as a means to intimidate or coerce
societies or governments.
terrorist
/n/. one that engages in acts or an act of terrorism.)
Iraq had nothing to do with 9/11, they had no
WMD's, I repeat IRAQ HAD _NO_ WMD's.
All they had was OIL (Operation
Iraqi
Lberation)
that the Neo-Cons thought they could steal and control.
*Money or power* are the two main motivations
in the life of a wolf.
The smirking monkey is actually a wolf in sheep's
clothing.
Andrew Vart,
Andrew, you have won a WPE or MaK shirt.
Please send size, color.
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Party at
the Palms, Sept 16
Remember - you need a number
to get in.
When we run out of numbers, we're full.
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e-mail to Bart
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it on the Bartcop Forum
Paris Hilton's
new address
Shacking up with "fire crotch" heir
That year without sex lasted what, a week?
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e-mail to Bart
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it on the Bartcop Forum
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