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April 20, 2011 Vol 2677 - Circumcision certificates
  Quote of the Day "I feel so shitty when I lookat myself in the mirror." -- former Gov Musclehead Link |
In
Today's Tequila Treehouse...
|
Click Here
Quotes
"I hope these allegations and attacks, the people doing these things, know this could
be devastating for tens of thousands of girls, for the sake of Nielsen ratings and Emmys.”
-- Greg Mortenson, that "Three Cups of Tea" author 60 Minutes blasted last week, Link
Those are the words a guilty man uses after he's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
He should've said, "I'm 100% innocent and I pity the fool who tries to say otherwise."
Not "The facts are killing my money-making machine so you should feel sorry for those kids."
60 Minutes said he claimed $1.7M in travel expenses last year to promote his book.
The kids got less than that, so it looks like Mortensen is promoting himself - and getting rich.
The sad news? They say he really did a lot of good for those kids,
and fund-raising WILL decline because he got caught being so greedy.
He could've been the hero who made $500K and helped those kids.
Now he's the disgraced million dollar weasel who got caught.
Send e-mail to Bart
"I hope these allegations and attacks, the people doing these things, know this could
be devastating for tens of thousands of girls, for the sake of Nielsen ratings and Emmys.”
-- Greg Mortenson, that "Three Cups of Tea" author 60 Minutes blasted last week, Link
Those are the words a guilty man uses after he's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
He should've said, "I'm 100% innocent and I pity the fool who tries to say otherwise."
Not "The facts are killing my money-making machine so you should feel sorry for those kids."
60 Minutes said he claimed $1.7M in travel expenses last year to promote his book.
The kids got less than that, so it looks like Mortensen is promoting himself - and getting rich.
The sad news? They say he really did a lot of good for those kids,
and fund-raising WILL decline because he got caught being so greedy.
He could've been the hero who made $500K and helped those kids.
Now he's the disgraced million dollar weasel who got caught.
Send e-mail to Bart
Jindal: Brewer without the vagina
He's ready to sign Louisiana birther bill
BTW, wheres your birth certificate, Piyush?
Link
Send e-mail to Bart
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has
new stuff every
day
on her fine, fine Entertainment Page
Marty's TV Listings are the best
on her fine, fine Entertainment Page
Marty's TV Listings are the best
Marty always has good stuff.
Quotes
"I think my work ethic is the reason why I'm successful. I think that a lot of people
don't want to put in effort and it's easier to not change, not do something good for you...
[They're just] pissed off at someone else doing that. Everything in my life that's good
is because I worked my ass off to get it and to maintain it."
-- Gwenyth Paltrow, who we must assume has been misquoted, Link
Let's see - your father was a rich and famous movie director and your mother is
a good-looking, famous movie star, so you were born into a rich and famous house
with pretty parents and you think you're a movie star because you work harder than others?
By the way, Gwenyth, Trump's kids agree with you.
So does Monkey Fuhrer Bush.
They worked their way to the top.
Send e-mail to Bart
OKC bombing, 16 years later
168 dead, thanks to Reagan and GOP
168 dead, thanks to Reagan and GOP
Tim McVeigh, the original Teabagger, used a "second amendment solution"
to show his displeasure with a government he felt was too big and too intrusive.
"Government is the problem," was Reagan's mantra. McVeigh agreed and he had
the military training and the "courage" to turn Reagan's hatred of government into action.
Of course, the Dems would never call them on that...
Send e-mail to Bart
Subject: Demo disgust with Obama
Hi Bart:
Yes, Democrats are disgusted with Obama. I hope to hell someone primaries him.
Bernie Sanders, Russ Feingold, Wesley Clark (yes, Wesley Clark), Dennis Kucinich,
Howard Dean, hell, maybe Willie Nelson. ha ha I'm not kidding. This HAS to happen.
I have long had a theory, and I think while it might seem "out there," it has some merit.
The republicans knew (in 2008) that after the giggling murderer's reign of terror, NO rethug
would get in the White House, so they got behind the most corporate/republican-friendly
Democrat in the field. Looks like they picked the right one.
Lori
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Hummingbird corporations - taking, but paying no taxes
Wildfires rage in Texas
"God help us" says a state forestry official
Odds are these wildfires and the recent rash of tornadoes is due to global warming,
but the God-fearing Republicans in Texas refuse to accept what science tells them.
When you reject science and ask God to protect you, you're proving you're unfit to govern,
...but the Dems would never call them on that.
Send e-mail to Bart
"God help us" says a state forestry official
Odds are these wildfires and the recent rash of tornadoes is due to global warming,
but the God-fearing Republicans in Texas refuse to accept what science tells them.
When you reject science and ask God to protect you, you're proving you're unfit to govern,
...but the Dems would never call them on that.
Send e-mail to Bart
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Why is OBAMA going after poker players?
Link
At first I thought this was some New York prosecutors going after poker players,
but when you dig deeper, they say this is a Justice Dept operation, so that means
Obama signed off on the action and that's a super-stupid thing for him to do.
First, he just pissed off 15 million poker players.
Does anyone think he's going to win 2012 by 15 million votes?
When you take away a favorite hobby of 15M people, expect a severe backlash.
Any why is he going after poker?
Where is the evidence that poker is "harmfull?"
There isn't any, so why is he making yet another crazy move?
Plus, they've chosen to criminalize this harmless card game.
Obama is like the paranoid preacher in Footloose, who's certain the country
will go to hell if this Satanic card game is allowed to exist in our quaint little town.
Obama wants to fine the website owners $3 billion - for facilitating poker games?
Plus, he wants them to do 30 years in prison - for facilitating poker games?
How stupid can our president be?
They say Obama played poker on his airplane during the 2008 race.
Does that make the president of the United States a criminal?
Or is he just an illogical hypocrite?
Is Obama saying "real" poker is moral and good, but digital poker is evil and wrong?
Look at this horseshit:
The indictment said the defendants turned to fraudulent methods to trick financial
institutions into processing payments on their behalf after the law was passed.
It said they sometimes arranged for money from U.S. gamblers to be disguised as payments
to non-existent online merchants purporting to sell merchandise such as jewelry and golf balls.
How is that worse than Exxon-Mobile claiming their business is in Europe
because they rent a PO Box there? Isn't that conspiracy to avoid US tax laws?
Playing dollar poker harms America MORE than Exxon paying no taxes?
Likely scenario: The casinoes bribed Harry Reid into make online poker a serious crime,
which should be great for the billionaires who own the Vegas "brick and mortar" poker houses.
This will probably kill TV poker broadcasts, too.
They are sponsored by the sites Obama has a hardon to kill.
Mark my words, and unlike the vulgar Pigboy, you CAN mark my words.
Just write down "Bart's poker prediction Volume 2677"
IF Obama loses the election, by say 5 M votes, I think it's a safe bet that
his idiotic and illogical poker obsession is what cost him the election.
I think I can guarantee that at least 1/3 of the poker players will vote against Obama
for sticking his nose into other people's hobbies and criminalizing them.
History could be changed by Obama's stupid obsession with killing poker.
I hereby take back my prediction that he will win in 2012.
I'm downgrading his chances to 50/50 because he makes terrible decisions.
We could have President Trump, or President Palin or President Bachmann
because this inexperienced president can't figure out which battles are important.
While he's trying to run three wars and trying to fix our raggedy-ass economy,
he's got time to raid legal California pot stores and innocent poker games?
Barack, you are a giant disappointment.
Send e-mail to Bart
Quotes
"I was fucking born here, how about that? And I got proof!
Nothing photoshopped about my birth certificate,"
-- Carlos Estevez, who changed his name to Charlie Sheen to seem more American, Link
So, Charlie Sheen and Donald Trump are engineers of the Birther Train?
Send e-mail to Bart
Business slow?
Time to advertise!
Banner ads by the day,
by the week,
or by the monff
Click Here to get more Hits
Even if business is slow,
let people know you're still here.
Kate's weird new rules
Example: Brit Royals can't play Monopoly
Link
Send e-mail to Bart
Potential bumper sticker for sale
Would you pay $6 for this bumper
sticker?
Send e-mail to Bart
Update: Three people said Yes.
I can't buy 1,000 stickers and sell only three
Send e-mail to Bart
Update: Three people said Yes.
I can't buy 1,000 stickers and sell only three
Rare recordings of rock's greatest performances
Wiseguy's first podcast since his spectacular car crash
(He was driving 75 MPH when he got hit from behind by a drunk going 100.
It flipped his car, still doing 75, upside down on the interstate until he skidded to a halt.)
http://www.RogueStream.net
The latest podcast is "In Color" featuring music from
Pink Floyd, Deep Purple and Blue Oyster Cult and more.
http://podcasts.roguestream.net/10-001color.mp3
Send e-mail to Bart
Teabagger mocks Obama's race
Marilyn Davenport is a hateful, racist bitch
Link
Excerpt:
Teabagger and OC County GOP official Marilyn Davenport has apologized
for sending out a racist image of President Obama in a family of monkeys.
Davenport issued a statement late Monday in which she apologized,
but stopped short of addressing her future on the committee.
"I humbly apologize and ask for your forgiveness of my unwise behavior," the liar said.
"I say unwise because at the time I received and forwarded the email, I didn't stop to think
about the historic implications and other examples of how this could be offensive."
Translation: I'm sorry I got caught, but I'm a hateful, racist bitch and I don't
like niggers and I advertise that fact at every opportunity - so fucking sue me.
(wink, wink to the Teabaggers, you guys know what's up)
Send e-mail to Bart
Obama has a parkway named for him near Orlando
Thanks to BSmasher for the photo
Irresponsible AOL
First, they run their whore headline: Link
They mention her "incriminating pictures," which are these:
Then they run the salacious question, "What's that white stuff?"
implying that it's cocaine, meth or heroin.
Turns out, it's white chocolate.
AOL, you're an aging dinosaur on your last legs, using trickery and horseshit
to smear the innocent so you can drum up a couple of extra clicks.
AOL, thy name is whore.
I call on everyone who's with AOL to change your ISP.
Send e-mail to Bart
Glenn Beck targets Jon Stewart
Jon will tear him into so many little pieces...
Link
Quote
"I’m going to make sure that Stephen Colbert and
Jon Stewart don’t occupy the space of comedy alone.”
-- Glenn Beck, preparing to have sex with a cigar cutter
Glenn, what are you talking about?
You've been the King of Comedy for about two years.
Send e-mail to Bart
Put your pet's picture on bartcop.com for just $10.
Is Obama a Progressive?
by Glenn Greenwald
by Glenn Greenwald
Link
Send e-mail to Bart
Subject: Obama wants the GOPpers to like him
Hi Bart,
Obama is like George McFly, he is constantly harassed, and he
tries to please only to get a kick me sign taped to his back.
I see Obama's rope a dope until election day, as a lame duck on inauguration day
he will (hopefully) rise up and become the Juggernaut we envisioned. He is too
smart to just make a move, only to get corrected the way they did JFK.
Julian
I hope you're right.
Send e-mail to Bart
Check out the news and toons at
Guess the City
Link
I don't know, either, so send proof.
If you don't click, odds are this'll be your home town
and your friends will wonder why you didn't recognize it.
Subject: last issue's mystery city
Last issue's mystery city is New York
As a good Irish Catholic boy from the Bronx, I recognized
the spires of St. Patrick's Cathedral in midtown Manhattan.
I enjoy this portion of your issues. Please continue it.
Des
Send e-mail to Bart
I get dizzy just looking at these pictures.
(They're building the Empire State Building.)
The GOP will tell you this is PROOF that we don't need
no stupid Occupational Safety & Health Administration
Today's History Mystery
Link
Do YOU, the reader, have a not-too-obscure History Mystery picture?
Send e-mail to Bart
Subject: last issue's history mystery
What is last issue's History Mystery?
Bart, that's Pablo Picasso. I don't know about the "fingers."
Mariata from Galveston
It's funny, I like to think of myself as a semi-professional comedian.
But when I wrote, "Who's the guy with the swollen fingers?"
so many people replied, "Bart, I don't think those are his fingers."
There's always a chance that what I've written is an attempt at comedy.
I guess I'm just not that funny.
Bart, that’s Pablo Picasso, a painter of some repute.
The bread on the table is called “Picasso’s Fingers” in his honor.
Jimm in Texas
Send e-mail to Bart
Subject: donation
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