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Thurs-Friday, Sept 1-2, 2011 Vol 2747 - Maumelle Edition
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In
Today's Tequila Treehouse...
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Halloween is just around the corner!
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Quotes
"It's amazing how Texas governors have changed
the definition of stupidity to "SWAGGER"!!!"
-- Vdude Link
Send e-mail to Bart
"It's amazing how Texas governors have changed
the definition of stupidity to "SWAGGER"!!!"
-- Vdude Link
Send e-mail to Bart
Obama does nothing BUT bow to
the Republicans he defeated in 2008.
Why can't a smart man like Obama realize the HE WON that election?
He has sacrificed his presidency to The Boner and The Bitch. I fear history books
will not be kind to Obama, history might end up calling him "the GOP's puppet."
That should be his campaign slogan in 2012:
"Elect me, and I'll do whatever John Boehner says."
President Mouse, why did you run for the presidency? So you could say,
"Thank you Sir, May I please have another?" when Boner and Cantor spank you?
Next week, Obama will unveil his "new jobs plan,"
After 32 months of 10% unemployment for whites, 26% for Blacks,
Obama has finally decided to address the biggest problem on everybody's mind.
I guess his vendetta against poker players and pot smokers will have to take
a back seat - temporarily - so he can finally address the jobless situation.
BUT...
The minute he opens his mouth, Bitch and Boner will say,
"The Presidents ideas are dead on arrival," and Obama will surrender again.
We have a Mouse in the House.
Can anybody argue with that?
Send e-mail to Bart
Why can't a smart man like Obama realize the HE WON that election?
He has sacrificed his presidency to The Boner and The Bitch. I fear history books
will not be kind to Obama, history might end up calling him "the GOP's puppet."
That should be his campaign slogan in 2012:
"Elect me, and I'll do whatever John Boehner says."
President Mouse, why did you run for the presidency? So you could say,
"Thank you Sir, May I please have another?" when Boner and Cantor spank you?
Next week, Obama will unveil his "new jobs plan,"
After 32 months of 10% unemployment for whites, 26% for Blacks,
Obama has finally decided to address the biggest problem on everybody's mind.
I guess his vendetta against poker players and pot smokers will have to take
a back seat - temporarily - so he can finally address the jobless situation.
BUT...
The minute he opens his mouth, Bitch and Boner will say,
"The Presidents ideas are dead on arrival," and Obama will surrender again.
We have a Mouse in the House.
Can anybody argue with that?
Send e-mail to Bart
Notice how Obama and the Dems failed to use this weapon?
They should be saying "THIS is why we need a powerful federal government,"
but, of course, they want to be nice and polite ...and loved.
Cheney, the American terrorist
by William Rivers Pitt
Link
Dick Cheney has a book out.
I'm sure you've heard about it by now; he laid the groundwork for its release by claiming the
contents would cause heads to explode in Washington, causing a lot of people who should know
better by now to say, "Ooooh, this should be good."
It isn't, at all, but I must confess that my head did come very close to launching itself off my shoulders
...not because of what's in the book, but because I have to deal with the rancid reality of a free and
un-convicted Dick Cheney appearing in the public eye once again.
If there were any justice to be found in this deranged country...
Well, there's no reason for my good friend William to finish that thought.
In America, we punish consensual blowjobs.
We don't punish mass murder, or fabricating evidence to go to war, or torture,
or illegal searches or denying suspects their constitutional rights, or looting the
Treasury and bankrupting 50 million Americans - none of that is actionable.
America has become a broke-ass banana republic for two reasons:
The
GOP is full of crooked sons of bitches Democrats want to "look forward" instead
of stopping the criminals.When it's wild dogs against mice, the wild dogs win every time.
Send e-mail to Bart
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Marty
has
new stuff every
day
on her fine, fine Entertainment Page
Marty's TV Listings are the best!
Lower left, pink hat - Bachmann's husband.
on her fine, fine Entertainment Page
Marty's TV Listings are the best!
Lower left, pink hat - Bachmann's husband.
Marty always has good stuff.
This is Obama's second-last surrender, chronologically.
What could possibly go wrong?
It's only 800,000 barrels...
And BP proved how careful and lawful they are
and how they'd NEVER cut corners for 1% more profit...
Subject: Obama and his promises
What difference does it make how many promises Obama
has kept if he breaks the most important ones?
I mean, so what if he keeps apple juice in school lunches if he agrees
to another bill that allows the fucking schools themselves to crumble?
Besides, an Obama compromise IS a broken promise.
The people he's dealing with (or for?) never ever make an honest and fair compromise.
A compromise with the GOP simply means that you don't have to bend over this time
because they've agreed to spread it for you.
Obama is too young and cool to make the kind of brave stand we need him to make.
An older man who has lived his life may have decided to take greater risks, but Obama
enjoys life too much to do what he knows he should. Obama is definitely no John F. Kennedy.
He's not even the equal of the weaker but still conscientious Lyndon Johnson, who decided to
leave office after one term because he could no longer stand up to the war-mongers and racists
that surrounded him in both parties. And the early and wishful comparisons to FDR are simply laughable.
Roosevelt had more valor and courage than any President since his time, while Obama is a
very modern President who is already contemplating the books and speeches he'll someday
make as a former president. No primary challenge means no hope.
Muldraugh Tim
Send e-mail to Bart
Subject: Zero for the heroes
Bart,
While the cartoon on your site may be accurate, (this is a few days old) it's
not clear who is supposedly preventing the first responders from attending.
Is that supposed to be Mayor Bloomberg, the Republican mayor of New York City, who actually made that decision?
Russ
Russ, I'm not up on that, but I see the logistical dilemma.
I would like the first responders to be honored, but look at it this way:
There are about 3,000 families - that might be 15,000 people right there.
If you add the heroes - and perhaps their families - they'd need to hold this
at Yankee Stadium and that might come off as a little frivolous or lacking respect.
I have an idea:
Instead of saying "Thank you" to the first responders,
why don't we pay their health care for life?
That's a Thank You they could really use.
Shame on the GOP sons of bitches who blocked their health care.
It's hard to imagine a more gruesome job than going thru that 9-11 wreckage
looking for possible survivors - or pieces of those who didn't survive.
Send e-mail to Bart
Quotes
"It is our responsibility to find bipartisan solutions to help grow our economy,
and if we are willing to put country before party, I am confident we can do just that,"
-- Obama, the most naive president America has ever had Link
The rabid dog has been biting Obama's hand for 32 months straight,
yet he continues to believe that if he just reaches out one more time...
I forget - what's the definition if 'insanity?'
Send e-mail to Bart
Check out the news and toons at
The cartoonists are fighting back
because the Democrats refuse to.
Click to Order
As actress, activist, businesswoman, wife, and mother, Jane Fonda has pushed
herself to the limit, attempting to please all, excel in every arena, be everything.
We’ve read her version of her controversial life, yet nothing can prepare us for
this genuinely revelatory account of Jane’s engrossing, sometimes shocking journey.
$18.42 dead trees version
$16.50 download version
Michelle Bachmann Nude!!!
Link
Send e-mail to Bart
Subject: Frustrated
Friend --
Today I asked for a joint session of Congress where I will lay out a clear plan to get Americans back to work.
Next week, I will deliver the details of the plan and call on lawmakers to pass it.
Whether they will do the job they were elected to do is ultimately up to them.
But both you and I can pressure them to do the right thing.
We can send the message that the American people are playing by the rules and meeting their responsibilities
-- and it's time for our leaders in Congress to meet theirs.
And we must hold them accountable if they don't.
So I'm asking you to stand with me in calling on Congress to step up and take action on jobs:
http://my.barackobama.com/Time-To-Act
No matter how things go in the weeks and months ahead, this will be an important challenge for our organization.
It's been a long time since Congress was focused on what the American people need them to be focused on.
I know that you're frustrated by that. I am, too.
That's why I'm putting forward a set of bipartisan proposals to help grow the economy and create jobs
-- that means strengthening our small businesses, giving needed breaks to middle-class families,
while taking responsible steps to bring down our deficit.
I'm asking lawmakers to look past short-term politics and take action on that plan. But we've got to do this together.
I will deliver this message to Congress next week, but I'm asking you to stand alongside me today:
http://my.barackobama.com/Time-To-Act
More to come,
Barack
Sir, with all due respect, your link is aptly named.
IT'S TIME TO ACT!
Why do you refuse to come to work?
At some point, hopefully before America votes you out of office, YOU must
come to the realization that YOU are the President of the United States.
You keep looking around for someone to take action - THAT'S YOUR JOB.
Please, stop ASKING for things and start ORDERING things.
Granted, I'm a moron with an IQ of 64, but you could really use a guy like me.
I speak stupid - fluently - which is a skill you don't have.
Plus, I don't wet myself in fear every time someone asshole says "Boo!"
That's where I could REALLY help your soggy-pants administration.
Either you're not taking your staff's advice or you have the worst staff ever.
All of America (minus the 'baggers) are looking to you for leadership.
So far, you have not provided any.
I hope you pull out of this 32-month tailspin before it's too late.
Closing advice:
Next week, when you FINALLY unveil your 32-months late jobs bill,
Boehner and Cantor will proclaim your ideas are "Dead on arrival."
If you were to answer, "No, mother-fucker, YOUR ideas are dead on arrival,"
your approval rating would shoot past 55% and you NEED that.
If you continue to refuse to come to work, YOU will be responsible for putting
Rick Perry into power - probably for EIGHT years because one thing about Perry,
...he's no mouse.
Send e-mail to Bart
Business slow?
Time to advertise!
Banner ads by the day,
by the week,
or by the monff
Click Here to get more Hits
Even if business is slow,
let people know you're still here.
Obama on CBS's Big Brother?
I know you'd rather knock on doors for Rick Perry than admit you watch Big Brother
but it is possible to learn some valuable lessons watching a stupid TV reality show.
I want to talk about two "house guests," Shelly and Jordan.
They had some contest where the winner got a call from home.
Both women were homesick after 50 days stranded in a house full of morons
with no TV, no internet, no phone and no word from their family members.
Jordan won and was eagerly looking forward to hearing from her family.
Then she saw Shelly crying, saying how much she missed her 8-year old daughter
and that she's never been away from her this long and she'd give ANYTHING if
she could just hear the voices of her husband and her daughter.
The two were close in the house, always promising to stay loyal to each other.
So Jordan, possibly the sweetest woman in reality TV show history, said,
"I know how much this means to you, so I'll give you the call from home."
So Shelly got the call and cried all the way thru it.
Soon after, as you might figure, Shelly stabbed Jordan in the f-ing back.
So why are we talking about this?
Maybe if Obama was on Big Brother, he might eventually learn the lesson that
many of the people you THINK are your friends would screw you in a heartbeat
if they got the chance and they would not think about feeling guilty for one second.
In Obama's case, The Bitch and The Boner aren't even pretending to be his friends,
yet Obama would take off his shoes and walk over broken glass to help them, and then,
and it happens every goddamn time, Bitch and Boner kick him in the teeth for trying.
Maybe 30 years ago, I read an interview with Jimmy Conners, the tennis star.
He said when he was a kid, he learned tennis from his grandmother.
When they played, she'd lure him close to the net and when Jimmy came close,
Grandma would smash a shot right into his face and score the point.
Then Jimmy said, "Grandma, why'd you do that?"
She replied, "Jimmy, I'm your grandmother and I love you, and if *I* will
do that to you, just remember your opponents will do that to you, too."
Jimmy said he learned a valuable lesson that day:
When is comes to a tennis match, don't trust anyone.
Somebody once said, "In Washington DC, if you want a friend, get a dog."
That's another lesson Obama has failed to learn.
Maybe a stint on Big Brother would do him some good.
Or maybe he needs to learn how to play tennis.
Send e-mail to Bart
Mel Gibson settles for 750K
Link
Mel Gibson will pay the mother of his 22 month-old daughter $750,000
and get joint custody of the child, ending a bitter custody and financial dispute
that badly damaged his Hollywood career.
The acrimony between the couple became public a year ago when taped phone calls
were leaked online in which Gibson was heard ranting, cursing and insulting Grigorieva.
The widely-heard tapes further tarnished a reputation damaged by Gibson's 2006
anti-Semitic tirade following a drunk driving arrest in Malibu.
His manager quit, he lost a cameo role in "The Hangover: Part Two" because
other people refused to work with him, and the release of his movie "The Beaver"
was delayed and ultimately flopped at box offices in May.
Gibson, who was once estimated to be worth $900 million reached a private settlement
with his wife Robyn in June that wrapped up their divorce after 28 years of marriage.
Damn, how do you go from being worth $900M down to a $750K settlement?
Did Gibson's lawyer also represent Grigorieva?
BTW, I've been meaning to bring this up:
Looking back, what the hell happened to Charlie Sheen?
Do we attribute his wild February behavior to some crack-binge psychosis?
That quack Dr. Drew said Charlie was bi-polar or "had some mental illness"
but Charlie seems to have cured himself, just like he said he would.
Or is Charlie still crazy, but just speaking less in public?
Send e-mail to Bart
Denis Leary's Horror Show
Rescue Me is one of the best shows in TV history.
Last night was one of their best episodes ever.
The first 40 minutes was comedy - all these Irish drunks trying to stay sober for the wedding.
Then it got as dark as TV can get.
They answered a call to "the mother of all fires," a giant propane-storage warehouse is burning.
While fighting the fire, they determine it's a total loss - the building has lost integrity and would
have no future besides being demolished, so they turn to leave - and then they heard some kids.
Some dumbass kids broke into the warehouse and were about to pay for that with their lives.
So Tommy's team goes after them, knowing they might not make it out.
Things go bad, and then they get worse, and then worse, still, and then worse, still.
They discover their only exit has been bricked over - then they looked at each other with the
kind of look you never want to see from a fireman when you're inside a burning building.
It looks like they're all going to die - they're going to be burned alive... and then the propane
tanks blow and the far-away shot shows the roof of the giant warehouse exploding and caving in.
"Stay tuned for a preview of next week's series finale."
The preview was St Andrew's Cathedral - a firefighter's funeral.
<Bart does a shot>
Rescue Me must be the king of all kill shows.
The series opened with Tommy's raging-out-of-control survivor's guilt from 9-11.
His cousin/best friend was among the 343 firemen killed at the World Trade Center.
In the years following that, they killed off Tommy's boss, his Dad, his brother and his son.
Now we're down to the last show and you have to wonder:
I know it's just a TV show, but when you watch a show for 6 years,
you kinda get to feeling like you know these people.
Did you cry after Titanic?
You probably did, even tho you knew Leo DeCaprio was still alive and
banging supermodels three at a time - but it was still sad to watch him die.
So, how many firefighters die?
One or two?
Three or four?
Five or six?
Remember, they intentionally set this show to air the week of the 10th anniversary of 9-11 .
Do they close the loop and kill every firefighter on the squad?
Does this massive warehouse fire finally "cure" Tommy's survivor's guilt?
I'm going to watch next week, but it might not be much fun.
Then again, it might be the best hour on TV since The Sopranos.
Sidebar:
Do you know why the "three hour tour" gang never got rescued from Gilligan's Island?
They figured that would kill the fun of watching the reruns.
Let's hope Denis Leary is too greedy to kill them all.
Send e-mail to Bart
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Let's play a stock game
I need some help setting this up, but here's what we could do:
Each player starts with $10,000.
Pick from 1-4 stocks (no more) or mutual funds or municipal bonds or commodities
(that's where I need help) and maybe at the end of each month, we check and see
which plauer has accumulated the most value in their portfolio.
So you might "own" $3000 of Walmart, $2,000 in gold, $2500 in energy stock and
another $2500 in pork bellies or winter wheat.
Could be fun and you can't go broke because WE won't be gambling.
Who's in?
I want to play the stock game, Bart
OK, here's the plan:
Pick four stocks, no more, no less.
If you only like one stock/fund/commodity,
buy $2997 of it and spend a dollar each on three more.
At first, I won't even read your e-mail.
Put STOCK GAME in the header or I won't find you.
Reader Suggestion: stick with stock trades on the major boards...long or short.
Thanks to Nolo
Then on Sept 30, if you're ahead, write and give me your total net worth.
I'll verify your claim in your initial e-mail and we'll see who won.
Gambling with no chance of losing - only on bartcop.com
I need some help setting this up, but here's what we could do:
Each player starts with $10,000.
Pick from 1-4 stocks (no more) or mutual funds or municipal bonds or commodities
(that's where I need help) and maybe at the end of each month, we check and see
which plauer has accumulated the most value in their portfolio.
So you might "own" $3000 of Walmart, $2,000 in gold, $2500 in energy stock and
another $2500 in pork bellies or winter wheat.
Could be fun and you can't go broke because WE won't be gambling.
Who's in?
I want to play the stock game, Bart
OK, here's the plan:
Pick four stocks, no more, no less.
If you only like one stock/fund/commodity,
buy $2997 of it and spend a dollar each on three more.
At first, I won't even read your e-mail.
Put STOCK GAME in the header or I won't find you.
Reader Suggestion: stick with stock trades on the major boards...long or short.
Thanks to Nolo
Then on Sept 30, if you're ahead, write and give me your total net worth.
I'll verify your claim in your initial e-mail and we'll see who won.
Gambling with no chance of losing - only on bartcop.com
Today's Mystery Celebrity
Link
Can you ID today's hot Mystery Celebrity?
Send e-mail to Bart
Subject: Your constant drumbeat on Nader
Hey Bart...regarding ol Ralph in 2000, you seem to rely big time on hind sight.
Remember how obvious it was to so many that Clinton had sold out by totally
undermining both jobs and the US economy? He did do NAFTA, GATT.
He did do the repeal of Glass-Steagal.
Besides the wars, I believe those two acts to be some of the most treasonous
to the middle class that any previous president has brought down upon US.
Jus' sayin'
Chris, Nevada
First, you probably meant "consistent" rather than "constant."
We talk about Ralph maybe once a month.
Clinton sold out? Compared to whom?
I've asked what's wrong with NAFTA and GATT maybe 50 times.
Nobody knows - they just send links - nobody can answer...
Same for Glass-Steagle - I'd love to hear the case against Clinton.
Clinton created 24M jobs,
tripled the stock market,
balanced the budget and
never sent a man to war who didn't come home alive,
(Think how great America would be if Bush & Obama could say the same)
...yet he's HATED by many, many Democrats.
In the summer of 2008, I heard Democrats say 1,000 times:
"We don't want a repeat of the Clinton years."
They got their wish.
Send e-mail to Bart
Link
Can you ID today's hot Mystery Celebrity?
Send e-mail to Bart
Subject: Your constant drumbeat on Nader
Hey Bart...regarding ol Ralph in 2000, you seem to rely big time on hind sight.
Remember how obvious it was to so many that Clinton had sold out by totally
undermining both jobs and the US economy? He did do NAFTA, GATT.
He did do the repeal of Glass-Steagal.
Besides the wars, I believe those two acts to be some of the most treasonous
to the middle class that any previous president has brought down upon US.
Jus' sayin'
Chris, Nevada
First, you probably meant "consistent" rather than "constant."
We talk about Ralph maybe once a month.
Clinton sold out? Compared to whom?
I've asked what's wrong with NAFTA and GATT maybe 50 times.
Nobody knows - they just send links - nobody can answer...
Same for Glass-Steagle - I'd love to hear the case against Clinton.
Clinton created 24M jobs,
tripled the stock market,
balanced the budget and
never sent a man to war who didn't come home alive,
(Think how great America would be if Bush & Obama could say the same)
...yet he's HATED by many, many Democrats.
In the summer of 2008, I heard Democrats say 1,000 times:
"We don't want a repeat of the Clinton years."
They got their wish.
Send e-mail to Bart
I wish I was doing this right now.
Send e-mail to Bart
How racist is Oregon?
Mitch said,
"Even Texans - who just elected a lesbian mayor in Houston
and a lesbian sheriff in Dallas - are not that backward."
Really?
Does Oregon have a rootin', tootin' "kill them all" handjob for Governor?
And remember, the one who squeals the loudest about gays
is fighting those "gay urges" that "we all have."
The driver of this van is probably snorting
some meth of his drug dealer right this second!
Wildlife Close-up
Link
Visiting our sponsors puts food on Bart's family...
Send e-mail to Bart
Subject: Mishandling of jobs speech timing...
Bart, Obama is the WORST kind of pussy.
It's not just that he backs down all of the time,
he has to ramp it up first-and then he backs down!
Who can take this disaster seriously anymore?
Michael Kerns
Dude, next to you, I'm president of the Obama Fan Club :)
Send e-mail to Bart
Today's Mystery City
Link
Can you guess the city?
Send e-mail to Bart
Subject: last issue's mystery city
Bart, Last Issue's Mystery City is Bergen, Norway - obviously summertime - lol
rebecca h
Send e-mail to Bart
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Today's History Mystery
Link
Who is today's Mystery Person?
Send e-mail to Bart
Subject: last issue's history mystery
What is last issue's History Mystery?
Bart, on the left is Nakita Khrushchev.
The guy on the right in the Nehru jacket is ...wait for it ... Nehru.
Johnny Action
Send e-mail to Bart
Today's top headline...
That's the biggest problem America has
Obama yields to every dick, Tom and dick in the GOP.
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