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Weekend-Labor Day-Tuesday, Sept 1-4, 2012 Vol 2931 - Hue Mons

In Today's Tequila Treehouse...


	FOX News: Ryan is a Liar
	Willard's night's Best Tweets
	Ryan Lied about Marathon
	Democrats are sooooo Stupid
	Fired over a Dime crime?
	Starship Guitarist Dead at 46
	Also Unemployed - Eva La Rue

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Quotes

"I'm going to bet an obscene amount of money that Obama is re-elected.
Very little matters between now and election. Most people have decided."
-- poker great Daniel Negreanu in a Tweet Link

I've seen Daniel bet $300K or more on a single card of a single hand.
No telling what "obscene" means to him :)

Hey, anybody know?

If we watch the election that night in Vegas,
does that mean we can bet on the outcome?

I'm feeling lucky...

Send e-mail to Bart

FOX News: Ryan is a Liar
They're the experts, you know...

Link

Ryan’s speech was an apparent attempt to set the world record for the greatest number of blatant lies
and misrepresentations slipped into a single political speech. On this measure, while it was Romney
who ran the Olympics, Ryan earned the gold.

Media outlets are hiring fact-checkers to sift through the mountain of cow dung that flowed from Ryan’s mouth.

Fact: While Ryan tried to pin the downgrade of the United States’ credit rating on spending under Obama,
the credit rating was actually downgraded because Republicans threatened not to raise the debt ceiling.

Fact: While Ryan blamed Obama for the shut down of a GM plant in Janesville, Wisconsin, the plant was
actually closed under Bush. Ryan actually asked for federal spending to save the plant, while Romney has
criticized the auto industry bailout that Obama ultimately enacted to prevent other plants from closing.

Fact: Though Ryan insisted that Obama wants to give all the credit for private sector success to government,
that isn't what the president said.

Why is FOX News suddenly printing some truths?

I don't know.

Send e-mail to Bart

I fell in love with Twitter last Thursday night. Regular people and professional
comedians had one of the biggest field days in political Internet history.

Willard's night's Best Tweets

I follow maybe 30 political people so Willard's big debutante night was a trip!
Every 15 seconds, somebody made a great point about the live proceedings.

Here's some of the best Tweets from Nazi-Con 2012 Closing Night.

Willard's going to follow Mr Charismatic?

Oh, I'm sorry, it's Admiral Stockdale!
(Clint was rambling incoherently)

The Fact Checkers are going to completely ignore this one.

"We should keep Gitmo open because we spend so much money on it."
Geez, Clint, we spent a lot of money in Iraq, too - should we stay there?

I think Clint looks pretty good for 102

They shoulda gone with the Nuge - Atrios

What does it mean?? Was he about to sacrifice someone?"
Im tickled 2 share this w/u. I absolutely squealed. - Kristen Bell

Clint, my hero, is coming across as sad and pathetic.
He didn't need to do this to himself. It's unworthy of him, - Roger Ebert

Clint's speech was the weirdest thing I've ever seen at ANY convention - Rachel

A jabbering old man debates an empty chair and cuts down student loans...
There's a platform.

I was a girl in the mormon church too..
Oh wait.. I was an ex-communicated gay man, - Roseanne

Clint's speech is like a deleted cameo from #TheCampaign - Eliza Dushku

Wow. Who knew Clint Eastwood was such a down the line rightwing asshole? Bill Maher

There is a reason conventions are scripted. Clint's empty chair act
was the weirdest convention moment I have ever seen. - Howie Kurtz

I once got so high I hallucinated Clint Eastwood blathering on
about who knows what at the Republican National Convention.

My question is: why did invisible Obama agree to sit there?

I half expected Eastwood to ride out in an egg.

ha ha

Actually, Rick Perry came up with calling Bain "Vampire Capitalism."

Rich people DO get rich by making other people poor!
People like Mitt Romney! - Bill Maher

Respect to Clint. 82 years old and putting Twitter over capacity. - Seth Meyers

Rubio explains how America created a middle class -- leaving out
the taxes on the rich and unions that made it possible - LOLGOP

'ALMIGHTY GOD IS THE SOURCE OF ALL WHITE PEOPLE HAVE!' - Roseanne

Rubio: To whom much is given, much will be required
...unless you're Mitt Romney, in which case only 14% will be required. - Begala

Someone should tell Marco Rubio he's standing on my foot right now. - Invisible Obama

ha ha

"God gave us our rights?"
Then why didn't he give rights to North Korea, China and Iran?

Marco Rubio hit the jackpot when he found a way to make taxpayers support him! - Roseanne

Marco STILL hasn't mentioned Romney. Is Mitt still on the ticket? Begala

BREAKING: Newt Gingrich placed in charge of collecting everyone's keys in a bowl at the RNC.

ha ha a group sex joke!

Rubio just introduced the One and Only Billy Shears!

Mitt running against ObamaCare is like Madonna running against Lady Gagacare - LOLGOP

Looking at Rubio & Romney but all I can see is the Clint Eastwood performance art
that just happened on that stage. What were they thinking?    - Rachel

Willard just called Ryan a pussy.

George W. Bush kept us safe. Except that one time.

I couldn't see who it was who shouted "No, No, Don't Touch Me!". - rachel

I heard that, too

Clint Eastwood is still wondering who the Mystery Speaker will be.

ha ha

Romney seems robotic. He's been told to play Jimmy Stewart. - Jane Fonda

No, Bishop Romney, having three jobs is "uniquely American."
Don't you remember the Glorious Bush Years?   - Bob Kinkaid

Romney claiming credit for Amstrong landing on the Moon
Who build that, Mr. Romney?

"you took 2 jobs at 9 bucks an hour!- after I, Mitt Romney,
fucked you all over royally! Pray more!"-   - roseanne

BREAKING: Clint Eastwood is making out with the chair.

Paul Ryan seems like he’d be able to sell meth to a squirrel.

ha ha

Bishop Romney: "You need to know more about me."
Yes, Willard, we do. Let's start with your tax returns - Bob Kinkaid

AP reports: "backstage, stern-faced Romney aides winced at times
as Eastwood's remarks stretched on."

Rubio is a way better speaker than anyone we've heard at the convention
Still - rude to ignore invisible Obama sitting right there. - Mia Farrow

Ask Bin Laden if HE'S Better Off then 4 Years ago..
Oops, he's Way DEAD, guess you can't - Symbolman

Willard says women should have more power - except in wages and reproductive options

    ha ha   I wish the artist had signed this - GREAT toon
      That's how they appear on his home planet of Kolob.

BREAKING: Clint Eastwood has just endorsed the Chair.

"I started out with NOTHING but a $10M loan from Dad..."

ha ha

Is Willard crying?

I think Mitt's gonna cry. You know, to show he's "human."

Mitt's controversial stand: MOMS ARE GREAT!

"Love and Family & God - that's what corporate raiding is all about.
And I put women on a pedestal. And I went to France instead of Viet Nam."

Mitt Romney: Obama took office with no business experience,
unlike my running mate, who once drove the Wienermobile.

lol "'Honey Boo Boo' Ratings Top the Republican National Convention"

"We don't apologize for success! Take that, Straw Man! - Bill Maher

"Business is about taking risks and passing those onto the taxpayers
while decrying socialism!' I'm translating - roseanne

I cre8'd more AMERICAN jobs4 AMERICANS during my sitcom than Mitt Romney did.
He created jobs IN CHINA, INDIA & SAUDI ARABIA - roseanne, on a roll

Please God let Shatner talk to an empty suit at the Democratic Convention

hopefully tipper gore kisses him soon   - Atrios

ha ha

Crowd laughs at Romney's global warming "joke" Yeah, Mitt --
116 degrees all fucking summer is HILARIOUS!

Clint WON that debate with the chair!

Just watched Romney speech and don't see this guy having a shot in hell.
He'll get crushed in debates. Why did he threaten Russia? Weird. - poker great Daniel Negreanu

Then things got silly...

Sarah Palin can see Chair from her porch - Symbolman, remember him from TakeBackThe Media?

There is nothing to chair, but chair itself.

Frankly My Dear I don't Give a Chair.

Chairs are people, my friend

ha ha

Say 'hello' to my little chair

The Good, The Bad and the Chair

A Fist Full of Chair

For a Few Chairs More

You've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, Chair?

"Chaire." -Dan Quayle

ha ha

By now, I'm f-ing howling!

I haven't had his much fun since we traded
Blazing Saddles one liners in the old chat room.

I assume tonight we'll have less material to work with but if you follow 20 people
who are funnier and smarter than you - these live Tweetfests are a hoot!

Send e-mail to Bart

We have America's best comedians on our side.
They have Dennis Miller.

Hey Dennis, do another Adrian Zmed joke for us?

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Quotes

"Despite all the challenges that we face in this new century what they offered over those three
days was, more often than not, an agenda that was better suited for the last century. It was a re-run.
We'd seen it before. If you didn't DVR it, let me recap it for you: Everything's bad, it's Obama's fault,
and Governor Romney is the only one who knows the secret to creating jobs and growing the economy.
That was the pitch. And when Governor Romney had his chance to let you in on his secret, he did not
offer a single new idea. Just the same old policies that have been sticking it to the middle class for years,"
-- Obama, slapping Willard silly, gaining mometum as he does it Link

Send e-mail to Bart

Ryan caught Lying about Marathon
He was more than an hour slower than he claimed

Link

Talk radio scumbag Hugh Hewitt asked Paul Ryan if he is "still running."

Ryan answered that he doesn't run marathons anymore. Instead, he runs 10 miles or less.

Hewitt then asked him what his personal best time is. For a marathoner this is a badge of honor,
but Ryan couldn't recall exactly.

"Under three, high twos. I had a two hour and fifty-something," Ryan said.

"Holy smokes." said the talk radio Nazi.

Ryan replied: "I was fast when I was younger, yeah."

But the Ryan campaign admitted that he ran one marathon in 1990 when he was 20 years old.
The running magazine reports he finished in 4 hours, 1 minute, and 25 seconds.

Does this lying whore ever tell the truth about anything?

Send e-mail to Bart

Subject: tired of Queen Ann

Bart,

Not everyone can be born into the Lucky Sperm Club like Queen Ann.
At least she didn't refer to us working stiffs as "you people."
Her kind probably debate whether or not we have souls.
Brian in Indiana

Where a man cannot buy a cold beer because of the Bible-Belt-Bozos!
Also, I heard Chris Christie will be cast as the Stay-Puft-Marshmellow-Man in Ghostbusters 3!
You heard anything about that?

We have that religio-insanity here, too.
Can't buy a Budweiser unless it's Sunday beer ( 3%)
Good luck getting off on that.

And as far as Christie, I can see him as Stay-Puft
but he might have to lose some weight for the role...

Send e-mail to Bart

Why should he be seen at the convention?
He's out of politics - it would be odd to see him there.

Der Monkey Fuhrer, their recent 8-year standard bearer
missing from Nazi-Con 2012 is a MUCH bigger deal.

Quotes

"I left the stage and went and got a cookie because I worried that my blood sugar
had dropped so low that I had passed out and that something was happening in my brain
that generated this thing that couldn’t possibly be real in the last hour of a Republican
Convention nominating somebody. That was the weirdest thing I ever saw at a convention
and if I live to be 100, that'll still be the weirdest thing I ever saw."
-- Rachel Maddow watching Clint Eastwood implode     Link

Do you think Romney would run the country the way he ran that convention?


Send e-mail to Bart

Subject: those wacky Repugs

I don't want to get too confident, but it sure looks like the Rethugs
have nominated their version of John Kerry, doesn't it?

Let's see if they are as civilized about it when they get their asses beat...
History shows they tend to go bugfuck if they lose twice..
Cory, the best-dressed man in comics

Send e-mail to Bart

Will we see this chart at DemoCon?

Nahh, might be considered "unfair."

Frauds

When you read this "news recap" of Willard's speech, it becomes
obvious very quickly that it was written BEFORE the speech.

We've caught them doing this before.
It's not even "news" it's "Here's probably the news." or "Here's the news we expected,"
or "Here's the news Romney wanted you to see."

There should be a penalty for writing rave reviews about an event that hasn't happened yet.

CNN, thy name is whore.

Send e-mail to Bart

Astrocat

I could live there...

mikemalloy.com

Democrats are sooooo Stupid

Not sure why, but Monday morning, cable news was buzzing with one question:
"Are you better off now than you were four years ago/"

Typcally braindead Democrat responses were all the same:
"Well, in a way you could say we maybe kinda are..."
"No, but you should ask this question, instead..."
"No, but there's a fundamental reason why...."

Here's how I would've answered them.
"You're goddamn right we're better off than were were four years ago.
Jesus Christ, doesn't anybody remember for years ago?
The stock market fell to half it's value,
Home prices were falling 5-10 percent per month,
We were losing almost a million goddamn jobs a month,
We didn't know if the banks would stay solvent or fail,
We could have slipped into a depression worse than the big one back in '29.

Now,

the stock market is up about 90 percent under Obama,
Homes are gaining value every month, Phoenix is leading with 13% growth.
Instead of losing a million jobs a month we're gaining 100,000 or so.
The banks have stabilized and Obama prevented the Greatest depression."

But there are no Democrats (at least Monday morning, there weren't)
who could give a simple positive answer to that very simple question.

How did I get stuck in a party that can't think?

Update:
As time went by, Joe Biden came up with an answer:
“I’ve got a little bumper sticker for you.
Osama bin Laden is dead, and General Motors is alive.
Osama bin Laden is dead, and General Motors is alive.
Osama bin Laden is dead, and General Motors is alive.”

Go get 'em Joe.

Prediction:
Biden is going to chop Ryan into Little Liar Meatballs when they debate.

Send e-mail to Bart

Lord, I realize I've denied you exist,
but aren't you taking this revenge thing a little far?

Quotes

"Jon Voight’s here, an academy award winner. A terrific guy.
These people are all like-minded, like all of us.
-- Clint, debating the Chair again

Like-minded people?

Jon Voight is 200 miles to the right of Cheney.
Job Voight is Satan's Evil Brother.
Jon Voight is, ...to Mel Gibson's right.
Jon Voight is so far to the right, he can see Hawaii.

It's no wonder Angie turned out a little strange...

Send e-mail to Bart

Fired over 50 year-old Dime crime?
Stealing a dime in 1963 makes a man jobless

Link

The big Banksters stole hundreds of billions of dollars in the last decade
and they go after this poor bastard for a dime crime in 1963?

Send e-mail to Bart

You wouldn't think something this good would come from Oklahoma...

5 min video SFW,

Cowboys Desperation Shows
They got babysitters for the mother-beater

Link

There is no NFL owner more desperate than Jerry Jones, whose Dallas Cowboys have defined mediocrity
for more years than he would like to count. Once they really were America's Team, but they've won only
one playoff game in the last 15 years.

The problem is, Jones has a big new $1.3 billion stadium he needs to fill on game days.
To do that, he needs to sell fans on the idea that there is hope, even if recent results suggest otherwise.

And that's why, Dez Bryant now has babysitters.

Jones knew he was getting a player with issues, but he was so enamored with Bryant's talent that he didn't care.
It's a pattern Jones has followed - signing Terrell Owens after his blowup; then picking up Adam "Pacman" Jones.

And how has Bryant repaid him?

But when Bryant was arrested last month for allegedly head-butting his mother, even Jones couldn't ignore
his behavior any longer. Jones should have put an end to Bryant's employment right then. But that would mean
admitting it was a mistake to draft him in the first place, something Jones' massive ego won't allow. So, instead,
he signed onto a plan that employs a rotating security team to keep an eye on Bryant at all times.

As you know, I watch every Dallas Cowboys game.
It's the best entertainment on TV, watching Tony Romo blow it game after game.

Every telecast, the announcer says, "We have plenty of tickets availabler for almost every game."

Yeah, I'll bet you do.
Who wants to pay to see a team with ONE playoff victory in 15 years?

But that's not what makes them losers, no.
What makes them losers every year, the sports announcers give their Nancy Grace Guarantee
that "dem Cowboys" are going to the Super Bowl FOR SURE this year.

Also helping to make them losers?
CBS fawning over them like a Christian schoolgirl over Tim Teabow.

Since I'm stuck in Oklahoma, we get the "Dallas feed," which is cringe-inducing.
Troy Acheman and Joe Buck, are the two worst, most partisan announcers in all of football.

I have to hear it every week:
"There goes DeMarco, TEARING thru the defensive line for for two tough yards."

But when the other team has the ball, it sounds like this:
"There goes the fullback, SKIPPING thru for 18 yards."

It's disgusting but that's the way CBS wants it. Tell me, is there any other team that
allows former-team members and super-hyper, in-line announcers to call the game?

Every game they tell us, "These Cowboys have more talent on their bench than most teams start,"
yet somehow the unloveable lorers can't win a goddamn playoff game but - not to worry - because,
"Next year, the incoming talent will SURELY take us, I mean THEM, to the Super Bowl."

The good news?
Jerry Jones has vowed to stick with Tony "Butterfingers" Romo until the end of time
or until the end of his money, whichever comes first, and that's just fine by me.

Dallas won their last game and I loved it - do you know why?
Because it was pre-season and it didn't count - ha ha.

Last thing I have a toon for you:

Send e-mail to Bart

Circumnavigating the globe!
Jane Stillwater circled the globe in 55 hours

Link

Send e-mail to Bart

Subject: personhood

If fetuses are legal persons and women cannot have an abortion ("kill" a "person") to save their lives,
per the Republican platform, then what happens to everyone's right of self-defense?

or do just women lose the right of self-defense, so it'll be OK for other legal persons to kill women?
ESW

Clearly, the GOP platform says a just-formed zygote has more rights than a voting woman.

You women must let old, white Republicans decide what's best for you.

"I approve this message."

Send e-mail to Bart

Saw it on facebook.com/AllRepublicansMustGo

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If you follow 'Bartcop' on Twitter/Facebook
you'll know when each new issue goes up.

Starship Guitarist Dead at 46
Mark Abrahamian collapsed after Sunday's show

Link

"We are all shocked and saddened at the sudden loss of our guitar player Mark Abrahamian.
Mark was a kind, thoughtful and innovative soul. He was also a friend and family member.
Mark also happened to be one hell of a guitar player. We are devastated by the loss of our
brother and just dealing with it the best we can." - Starship's Twitter account

Abrahamian also played with Survivor, Toto, Loverboy and ACDC in his music career.

Mrs. Bart and I didn't know Mark well, but in the 8-10 times we were "with"
Starship featuring Mickey Thomas he was always very nice to us.

We saw them in a raging thunderstorm in Branson, Mo in June of 2008.
My review included this paragraph about Mark:

Then there's Mark Abrahamian on guitar. I like Mark, he does everything right.
He looks like a guitar player, he has hair like a guitar player, he has the perfect stage
persona for a guitar player and he plays a Les Paul thru Marshall amps - and he plays
it real damn good, too.

I've never been in a road band but when you fly to 200 gigs a year,
the band becomes your family and now that family is torn up.

A shot of Chinaco for Mark...

Send e-mail to Bart

Check out the news and toons at

Read all about it!

on the Bart Blog!

Marty has new stuff every day
on her fine, fine Entertainment Page

Marty's TV Listings are the best!

Today's Mystery City

Link

Subject: last issue's mystery city Link

Bart, that’s Mecca, Saudi Arabia.
Chevron Steve

Steve, thanks for that.

Send e-mail to Bart

Astrocat Bonus

Today's History Mystery

Link

Subject: last issue's history mystery Link

Bart, that's BILL DANA.aka..........JOSE JIMENEZ
JAN ‘THE PRUNE’ BREWER TRIED TO HAVE HIM DEPORTED
KEN IN ARIZONA

Ken is correct.
The back-then-not racist Jose Jimenez character was a regular on Ed Sullivan.

He would come out and do five minutes of "Latinos are stupid"
between The Beates and Topo Gigio or the Rolling Stones.

It was a different time...

Send e-mail to Bart

Subject: donations

It was fired by six subscribers in August.

Things will turn around, I just know they will.
(That's my Judy Garland impression, did you like it?)

Everyone is broke, but you're still buying necessities, right?
I figure that Amazon Link is my best bet for staying on the InnerNets.

...and you might even save some money..

Humor can get us thru the worst of times so we will keep on.
As my buddy Ray Coleman used to say, "Never quit!!"

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Also Unemployed - Eva La Rue

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