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Weekend-Monday, April 13-15, 2013 Vol 3044 - Obligatory psychotic jackass
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In
Today's Tequila Treehouse...
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Quotes
"I'm a bit surprised to be asked to host this dinner. These days, I only get asked
to host dinners if polio is busy. ha ha Yup, I have a lower Q rating than polio right now."
-- Matt Lauer, about his life turning to shit over the Ann Curry screw up, Link
Send e-mail to Bart
Rohrabacher to the Rescue
Crazy Rethug acts while Obama
dithersLink
A crazy House lawmaker Friday introduced a bill to end the conflict between Obama
and the states over legalized pot, five months after Colorado and Washington voters
approved the first statewide ballot measures decriminalizing marijuana use for adults.
Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, crazy as they come, said the “Respect State Marijuana Laws Act,”
would end the limbo that finds Colorado and Washington lawmakers moving forward with
pot regulations even as Obama dothers on whether to continue to jail legal medicine-users.
“This bipartisan bill represents a common-sense approach that establishes federal government
respect for all states’ marijuana laws,” said Rohrabacher. “It does so by keeping Obama out of
the business of criminalizing marijuana activities in states that don’t want it to be criminal.”
But Kevin Sabet, a wet blanket of bad news, said the bill was “bound to fail.”
“And it probably should. Since users who consume small amounts of marijuana are rarely, if ever,
noticed by federal authorities, this provision would have little real-world effect,” said Mr. Sabet.
“It would, however, be a symbolic victory toward repealing all of our marijuana laws.”
If our marble-mouthed president would speak clearly on the subject, we wouldn't have this confusion.
You claim pot smokers are "rarely noticed" by the feds, but that's not the same as "legal" is it?
For all we know, Obama's waiting for Colorado to open their pot stores
so he can send the feds to bust them all and teach "those longhairs" a lesson.
"Eric, raid every one of them..."
Send e-mail to Bart
Subject: dear jingo
Bart, you (sarcastically) wrote: "We can have our military invade every country that is arming terrorists."
We've already done that.
These so-called terrorists are simply responding to our terrorists who are over there killing for Exxon.
And what the hell is this "we" shit?
"We" can do nothing . . "We" can have . . . "we . . ." -- ad nauseum.
The terrorists in Washington are not me, but apparently they are you.
Steve
So, I'm a terrorist for agreeing with our Democratic president?
Most people who don't believe in self-defense call me "another Cheney."
Send e-mail to Bart
Shop
Online
Amazon.com sells everything
Someone bought Sennheiser CX 215 Earphones
for $32 (cheap!) so Amazon donated $1.15 to the Treehouse!
I prefer the over-the-ear headphones, myself.
Thanks for using this link
Link
Jonathan Winters, the comedian whose breakneck improvisations and misfit characters
inspired the likes of Robin Williams and Jim Carrey, has died. He was 87.
Winters was a pioneer of improvisational standup comedy, with an exceptional gift for mimicry,
a grab bag of eccentric personalities and a bottomless reservoir of creative energy. Facial contortions,
sound effects, tall tales — all could be used in a matter of seconds to get a laugh.
On Jack Paar's television show in 1964, Winters was handed a foot-long stick and he swiftly
became a fisherman, violinist, lion tamer, canoeist, U.N. diplomat, bullfighter, flutist, delusional
psychiatric patient, British headmaster and Bing Crosby's golf club.
"As a kid, I always wanted to be lots of things," Winters told U.S. News & World Report in 1988.
I was a Walter Mitty type. I wanted to be in the French Foreign Legion, a detective, a doctor,
a test pilot with a scarf, a fisherman who hauled in a tremendous marlin after a 12-hour fight."
A devotee of Groucho Marx and Laurel and Hardy, Winters and his free-for-all brand of humor
inspired Johnny Carson, Billy Crystal, Tracey Ullman and Lily Tomlin, among others. But Williams
and Carrey are his best-known followers.
The two often strayed from the script. Said Williams: "The best stuff was before the cameras were on,
when he was open and free to create. ... Jonathan would just blow the doors off.
Jonathan Winters ruined improv comedy for me - forever - because nobody could do it like he did.
Today's improv comics are terrible, and when people complain, they say, "We had nothing prepared."
I don't remenber what show it was, but when I was a kid, he'd close every show with some improv.
Someone would hand him a belt or a banana and he'd do five minutes of incredibly funny comedy
and then someone else would say, "I'm an improv comic" and they'd be fucking awful at it.
In the last 40 years, I haven't seen anyone, besides Robin Williams, who came close.
A shot of Chinaco to a comedy legend.
Amazon.com sells everything
Find
your purchase
then come
back here
and use this link
and they'll throw the Treehouse some pennies...
Amazon
business has been slower than
usual.
I hope things pick up
between
now and Christmas
because Amazon has become my
financial lifeline.
Extra thanks to those of
you
who
use the Bartcop.com Amazon Portal.
Someone bought Sennheiser CX 215 Earphones
for $32 (cheap!) so Amazon donated $1.15 to the Treehouse!
I prefer the over-the-ear headphones, myself.
Thanks for using this link
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Shipping
Look for 'bartcop' in the
link when you place the order.
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Jonathan Winters, Dead at 87
Link
Jonathan Winters, the comedian whose breakneck improvisations and misfit characters
inspired the likes of Robin Williams and Jim Carrey, has died. He was 87.
Winters was a pioneer of improvisational standup comedy, with an exceptional gift for mimicry,
a grab bag of eccentric personalities and a bottomless reservoir of creative energy. Facial contortions,
sound effects, tall tales — all could be used in a matter of seconds to get a laugh.
On Jack Paar's television show in 1964, Winters was handed a foot-long stick and he swiftly
became a fisherman, violinist, lion tamer, canoeist, U.N. diplomat, bullfighter, flutist, delusional
psychiatric patient, British headmaster and Bing Crosby's golf club.
"As a kid, I always wanted to be lots of things," Winters told U.S. News & World Report in 1988.
I was a Walter Mitty type. I wanted to be in the French Foreign Legion, a detective, a doctor,
a test pilot with a scarf, a fisherman who hauled in a tremendous marlin after a 12-hour fight."
A devotee of Groucho Marx and Laurel and Hardy, Winters and his free-for-all brand of humor
inspired Johnny Carson, Billy Crystal, Tracey Ullman and Lily Tomlin, among others. But Williams
and Carrey are his best-known followers.
The two often strayed from the script. Said Williams: "The best stuff was before the cameras were on,
when he was open and free to create. ... Jonathan would just blow the doors off.
Jonathan Winters ruined improv comedy for me - forever - because nobody could do it like he did.
Today's improv comics are terrible, and when people complain, they say, "We had nothing prepared."
I don't remenber what show it was, but when I was a kid, he'd close every show with some improv.
Someone would hand him a belt or a banana and he'd do five minutes of incredibly funny comedy
and then someone else would say, "I'm an improv comic" and they'd be fucking awful at it.
In the last 40 years, I haven't seen anyone, besides Robin Williams, who came close.
A shot of Chinaco to a comedy legend.
Send
e-mail to Bart
Subject: re: kim jong dung
North Korea's opacity tends to make many questions about its new "leader" rather speculative.
From possibilities I've read:
1. Lil Kimmy is consolidating his position by purging 'disloyal' members of his father's regime
by testing their fortitude (a number of North Korea watchers have already noticed 'absences'
in various leadership group photos).
2. He's not very bright and he is being manipulated by cliques within the military to purge rival
cliques by using loyalty to brinksmanship as a test
3. The real target is China, and it's possible 'Lil Kimmy and his advisers (handlers?) are trying
to extract more aid/money by embarrassing China and the new premier into giving more support.
China may not want a unified Korea, but they sure as hell don't want millions of North Koreans
coming over the border looking for food and work and they don't want their economic 'arrangements'
with the West screwed up right now.
4. The pudgy punk may be dumb enough to believe some of the more rabid advisers regarding
North Korea's military 'might' and may not actually realize how quickly his country would be
reduced to a pile of radioactive slag.
Considering China's recent yammering and remarks, option #3 is beginning to make more sense.
They're poking around for immediate aid first, resumption of talks is secondary.
Cheers,
Jay
Send e-mail to Bart
Subject: re: kim jong dung
North Korea's opacity tends to make many questions about its new "leader" rather speculative.
From possibilities I've read:
1. Lil Kimmy is consolidating his position by purging 'disloyal' members of his father's regime
by testing their fortitude (a number of North Korea watchers have already noticed 'absences'
in various leadership group photos).
2. He's not very bright and he is being manipulated by cliques within the military to purge rival
cliques by using loyalty to brinksmanship as a test
3. The real target is China, and it's possible 'Lil Kimmy and his advisers (handlers?) are trying
to extract more aid/money by embarrassing China and the new premier into giving more support.
China may not want a unified Korea, but they sure as hell don't want millions of North Koreans
coming over the border looking for food and work and they don't want their economic 'arrangements'
with the West screwed up right now.
4. The pudgy punk may be dumb enough to believe some of the more rabid advisers regarding
North Korea's military 'might' and may not actually realize how quickly his country would be
reduced to a pile of radioactive slag.
Considering China's recent yammering and remarks, option #3 is beginning to make more sense.
They're poking around for immediate aid first, resumption of talks is secondary.
Cheers,
Jay
Send e-mail to Bart
"Worst day ever" then hanged herself
Rape victim couldn't take the taunts
Link
Eight days after being raped while passed out at a party, and then humiliated by online photos
of the assault, 15-year-old Audrie Pott posted that her life was ruined, "worst day ever," and hanged herself.
On Thursday, seven months after the tragedy, a Northern California sheriff's office arrested three
16-year-old boys on charges of sexual battery.
"After an extensive investigation that we have conducted on behalf of the family, there is no doubt that she
was savagely assaulted by her fellow high school students while she lay on a bed completely unconscious."
Why was a 15 year old too drunk to wake up during a rape at a party?
Why did it take the idiot cops seven months to figure shit out?
Why do moron teens post pictures of their felonies on Facebook?
Why taunt the victim when there's an awful sex crime?
I'll bet it was the girls who taunted her the most.
Send e-mail to Bart
Subject: Drones and Ted Rall
Link
Send e-mail to Bart
For those who are saying "Little Red Riding Hood hasn't been banned,"
most of the Grimms Fairy Tales have been banned from a lot of public schools,
and the ones you see are modified versions that don't involve a man disemboweling
a wolf alive with an ax and pulling out Grandma and Little Red Riding Hood whole.
Yes, originally, Little Red Riding Hood got gobbled up.
Books can be so dangerous...
Mass Stabber also a Cannibal
Texas
Republicans can be so strange...Link
A man accused of stabbing more than a dozen people at a Houston-area college told
investigators that he had fantasized about cannibalism and necrophilia and about
cutting off people's faces and wearing them as masks, according to a court document.
Dylan Quick also told an investigator that he had researched mass stabbings on his
home computer about a week before the attack at Lone Star Community College.
"He stated that he had read numerous books about mass killings and serial killers
which are also located at his residence," the affidavit said.
Quick is being held without bond on three counts of aggravated assault with a deadly
weapon for Tuesday's attack that injured 14 people. One person remained hospitalized
Thursday, and that person was listed in good condition.
So, a man goes crazy with a knife and hurt 12 people..
Can we point out to the NRA that nobody died?
The NRA likes to say, "increase the penalties for shooters"
but they almost always kill themselves so that doesn't work.
Democrats want to stop the guy BEFORE the crime occurs
but Rethugs want to punish the dead guy afterwards.
Send e-mail to Bart
Subject: More Drones Talk - The Brew
Link
You have to admire a guy who keeps coming back for more.
Send e-mail to Bart
Sharon Stone and Kate Moss auctioned off a hot kiss and an autographed bottle of champagne,
for $53,529, at the amFAR Gala to raise money for AIDS research in Sao Paulo, Brazil.
Rich men are such pervs.
I'll give $53,000 if you two kiss.
I'll give $100,000 if you two...
Marty's
Entertainment Page
has new stuff every day
Marty's TV Listings are the best!
has new stuff every day
Marty's TV Listings are the best!
Marty
always has good stuff.
"I Endorse Hillary for President"
by Brent Budowsky (Bart faints)
Link
If a Democratic House and Senate are elected in 2014, it would re-empower Obama
for one of the strongest closing two years of an eight-year presidency in modern history,
which could avoid lame-duck status almost entirely with what historians would ultimately
describe as “Obama’s third term.”…
This convergence is equally clear for Clinton, who, if she is runs in 2016, wants the enthusiastic
support of Obama and his faithful, and a Democratic Congress to enact her agenda…
For these reasons I formally endorse Hillary Clinton for president. I endorse pro-Hillary
super-PACs and grassroots movements, call for Clinton to be nominated by acclamation,
and advise the excellent Democrats who would run if she does not to formally do the same.
Now is the time for the women to lead; 2016 will be the time for THIS woman to lead.
Funny, if you Google Bartcop, Brent Budowsky, Hillary a lot of articles pop up.
Send e-mail to Bart
Quotes
"If babies had guns, they wouldn't be aborted!"
-- Rep Steve Stockman (R-Handjob) proving how out-of-touch the GOP is Link
Send e-mail to Bart
Subject: Are Americans taken in by GOP distortions?
No, and that's why their voter base keeps shrinking like a cheap suit in the rain.
Eckhard Festag
Send e-mail to Bart
See more
at http://mariopiperni.com
Send e-mail to Bart
Subject: Wiseguy and Shirley Manson
Bart, when you failed to pick uo the phone, why didn't Wiseguy
hand the phone to Shirley so she could leave you a message?
Nick
Nick, I'm sure he was flustered and flabbergasted when I didn't pick up.
I'm sure he would've done that if he was thinking clearly.
Know your Celebrity Mansions
Link
Send e-mail to Bart
Know Your Classics
Link
Subject: last issue's Classic Link
Bart,
That's The Twelfth Night by the bard dude, William Shakespeare.
Dave, Cincinnati
Send Classic Lines to Bart
Today's Wildlife Photo
Link
Send e-mail to Bart
Eldrick NOT Disqualified from Masters
Caught cheating, they let him stay, 'cause he's Eldrick
Link
Vonn's EX says HE turned in Eldrick the Cheater Link
Send e-mail to Bart
If you'd care to donate...
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Today's Mystery
Celebrity Photo
Link
Subject: last issue's Mystery Celebrity Link
Bart, at last, I know one of these!
Left to right:
guitarist & pianist Brian May,
vocalist & pianist (& I saw him play some acoustic guitar at the Myriad in OKC
in 1980…the late GREAT Farrokh Bulsara, aka…) Freddie Mercury,
drummer Roger (Meadows-)Taylor, and bassist John Deacon.
No clue where they are or what they’re doing, but I’d guess it’s
pretty early on in their careers—early to mid 1970s.
Eddy in OKC
Eddy, you are correct!
We saw Queen in St Louis in 1975. We had seats by the mixing board and when
the earlier bands (Kansas and Mahogany Rush) played Mrs Bart found herself
standing next to a guy who had to have been in an English rock band.
It was John Deacon, she didn't recognize him.
After the concert, we came outside and found snow.
We took it as a sign from God and we got high.
Send e-mail to Bart
Link
Subject: last issue's Mystery Celebrity Link
Bart, at last, I know one of these!
Left to right:
guitarist & pianist Brian May,
vocalist & pianist (& I saw him play some acoustic guitar at the Myriad in OKC
in 1980…the late GREAT Farrokh Bulsara, aka…) Freddie Mercury,
drummer Roger (Meadows-)Taylor, and bassist John Deacon.
No clue where they are or what they’re doing, but I’d guess it’s
pretty early on in their careers—early to mid 1970s.
Eddy in OKC
Eddy, you are correct!
We saw Queen in St Louis in 1975. We had seats by the mixing board and when
the earlier bands (Kansas and Mahogany Rush) played Mrs Bart found herself
standing next to a guy who had to have been in an English rock band.
It was John Deacon, she didn't recognize him.
After the concert, we came outside and found snow.
We took it as a sign from God and we got high.
Send e-mail to Bart
Bartcop's Computer Repair
We can fix your computer
We do the repairs magically, over the Net.
We can fix your computer
We do the repairs magically, over the Net.
Bartcop's Worldwide Computer Repair
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We come to you!
Today's Mystery City
Link
Subject: last issue's Mystery City Link
Bart, I am taking an educated guess that is San Francisco after the massive earthquake of 1906.
Brian from Tucson
Send e-mail to Bart
Name the Mystery Car
Link
Subject: last issue's Mystery Car Link
Bart, that's a 1956 Oldsmobile Holiday 98 4 door Hardtop
The secret word is Holiday.
Jim
You are correct.
Until Thursday, I'd never heard of an Oldsmobile Holiday.
Send e-mail to Bart
What is today's History Mystery?
Link
Subject: last issue's History Mystery Link
Bart, that must be that idiot George W. Bush back when he was a stupid cheerleader.
C.
Bart:
Would that be George W. Bush doing his usual rah rah thing since he couldn't actually,
you know, take part in whatever battle was going on at the time?
Tom B
Bart, that's George W. Bush.
He wants to be a cowboy.
Nick W
Subject: donation
Thanks to A.J. Redford for the ongoing subscription donation.
Humor can get us thru the worst of times so we will keep on.
As my buddy Ray Coleman used to say, "Never quit!!"
Amazon.com seems to be my best bet to stay on the Tubes
...and if you shop with them, you might even save some money.
Please remember the Bartcop Portal when you shop online.
It never hurts to check http://amzn.to/bartcop prices.
Top Earner, Jennifer Aniston
Check out almost 800 sexy and tasteful photos of Jennifer Aniston
More hot babes in BC Hotties
Thanks to Blue in Seattle for helping me corral the hotties...
Send Your Hottie Suggestion to Bart
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