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Back to New York
We went back to the Chelsea Savoy where I enjoyed a ceremonial
shot of Chinaco Anejo.
CAL and Ray were due soon. We had plans for a Sopranos
party at CAL's house.
It's bad to try to party on an empty stomach, so we went over
the Williamsburg Bridge to
- you guessed it - Williamsburg, where CAL knew this great Mexican
restaurant -
We met Steven (or Stephen) and the five of us sat down for tequila
and Mexican food.
Of course, they didn't have The Miracle at Canaan, so I
had a shot of Patron Anejo.
It was OK - good enough to wash down Mexican food.
CAL suggested the "funny" corn (she knows I love the corn)
sorry, I forget the name of it.
It was on the cob, and blackened, with sour cream or something
on it.
It looked like a train wreck with charred bodies, but it tasted
great!
I had the steak enchiladas, which were done right.
I don't think I've ever had real chunks
of real steak in an enchilada before. The corn, the steak
and the Patron hit the spot.
CAL was batting 1.000 on good places to eat.
After the fine meal, we went to her hundred-year old Dutch townhouse,
if that's what it was.
I don't know anything about architecture or interior design,
but Mrs. BartCop really got off
on CAL's apartment, the address of which she asked me not to
share with you :)
We partied a little (none of your business) and watched The
Sopranos and ate brownies.
Another great day in New York, and we were just getting started.
Back to the Savoy for some rest.
While enjoying a nightcap, I saw an ad to rent a Fore-Runner for
$250.
I called them to reserve it, but they wanted a credit card.
I have one of those, but I wanted to be sure Mrs. BC didn't mind
bouncing to Maine in an SUV
so I didn't give them my card, but she assured me I could rent
it for the same rate the next day.
Monday we were staring Phase Two of the trip - Maine.
Before we checked out of the hotel, Mrs BartCop did some shopping.
We went to one of those tiny markets with everything.
Check these shelves out:
They have everything in the world in these tiny, tiny shops.
Mrs. BartCop really liked shopping in New York.
Then, a shocker:
I saw Big Pussy from The Sopranos!
This little shop was called "The Garden of Eden," and
they had everything but apples.
Check this out - they had 16 kinds of olives on display. They
had everything.
We took a "car service" to the Newark Airport, via the Holland Tunnel.
We wanted to rent a car there, so we could return it there
as we were leaving.
(I'm a pretty sharp guy.)
This is the toll booth
on the New Jersey Turnpike
that Tony goes thru at
the start of every Sopranos.
We get to the airport, and I remembered the oldest of sayings: Nothing is easy.
The woman at the Dollar Rent-A-Car counter said the Fore-Runner
would be $325.
I told her I wanted that NHOL rate the newspaper promised.
She said that offer was only good over the phone.
Fine.
I have one of those.
So I called the 800 number, told them I wanted the SUV, she asked
when, I said, "Now,"
and the lying slut told me her computer suddenly went down. I
asked for how long, and she said,
"It may be down for 6-8 hours."
She was lying.
You can't be a national car rental agency with a computer system
that goes down for 8 hours.
You might as well send everybody home for the day.
And in the unlikely event that did happen, their offer
was in the damn NY paper, and was
easy-as-hell to verify, but they refused because they wanted
my extra $75.
They wanted to punish me for not renting in advance.
Screw you, Dollar Rent-A-Car.
Your SUV sat there, unused, while I went to Avis and rented a
Le Sabre.
There was no reason for Sunday's lady to lie to me on the phone.
There was no reason to attempt to punish me Monday morning.
There was no reason to deny me the published rate.
There was no reason to lie about the computers being down for
8 hours.
There is no reason for me to do any business with you ever again.
Oh, no!
I just found out I left my notebook in the "car service" limo.
In a panic, I called them and said, "Hold onto that book! I'm
a serious writer,
and that book has all my notes and it would be impossible to
replace if it gets lost."
(I was not under oath.)
They promised to hold it for me, so we drove our Le Sabre north
and east from New York
BTW, the car we rented, in Newark, had New York plates and registration.
I guess they license the cars in New York to take advantage of
New York's low-low prices on insurance?
Back to
the Trip
It's a long, boring trip from New York to Portland, Maine.
I guess they were trying to make the road
beautiful, but it was nothing but trees.
The same trees, mile after mile - that's
all there was.
At least our west, you get mountains and
valleys and rivers and creeks.
Radio really sucked, too.
We searched and we searched - AM. FM, there
was nothing.
I would've figured the northeast would
have some hip radio stations,
but it was the worst collection of small-town
radio horseshit you ever heard.
We'd catch some Floyd or Aerosmith on some
station, and think we'd found a winner.
Then the DJ would come on and ask his listeners
to call in with their favorite Mothers Day gift.
What a bunch of crap!
Is it possible K-Drag radio is better than
New York radio?
Better than Connecticut radio? Better
than Boston radio?
I was surprised how incredibly bad the
FM waves were.
We kept driving, wanting to get the boring
part over with fast.
Spent the night in Portland at the Motel
B at Exit 8.
What a bummer, an old friend - Braintree
- owns a girlie club just blocks away from
the Motel 6 at Exit 8 in Portland, but
he never gave us the club name or phone number.
We were playing phone tag, and he'd always
say, "Leave a msg on my machine,"
instead of giving us the name of the club,
so I never got to see any hot babes.
Tuesday morning we were off for Acadia National Park in southeastern Maine.
Of course, Maine was closed until next week.
We ended up in Bar Harbor (Bah Hahbah) which is run by small tin
men.
Here's a family standing on their front porch.
Don't know if you can see it, but "Dad" on the lower left
has a tin penis, and "Mom" in the bask has tin breasts.
The one on the right had no sex organs, like larry Klayman.
We grabbed lunch at King Eider's Pub.
My nine-dollar "roast beef" sandwich had less meat than an Arby's
Junior,
but Mrs. BartCop's crab balls were pretty good, she said.
I don't think the state of Maine knows what to do with
beef.
We got a great deal on a hotel room, since the state was closed.
The Park Entrance Oceanfront Inn gave us a room with a
view for $44.
This was the view from our room - can't beat that for $44.
Trying to hurry the story along... We saw lots of this:
You know what these are?
Those are lobster traps, we saw plenty of those.
But don't you think they work better in the water?
More fishing boats and a lighthouse.
As we were leaving town, we drove down by the beach.
From: (withheld)
Subject: Would you please finish New York?
(withheld)
Withheld,
I'm doing my best.
I can't turn it on and off like a faucet.
Genius has no timetable.
(choke)
Bah Hahbah
Our last night in Bar Harbor, Maine, we figured to do a "big" meal.
The first two places we went to weren't open, then we found Rupununi's.
Sidebar:
You won't believe this, but I saw a black
man in Maine.
I didn't get to hear him speak, but I know
it was a black man.
Besides expensive, I'm not sure what kind of restaurant it was, but
it didn't matter,
because the cute lil' waitress handed me a tequila menu when
she seated us.
I tried to kiss her, but she pulled away.
I saw one I hadn't tried before, the Porfidio Cactus Bottle Anejo.
It was high, I think $16 a shot.
In order to make my $16 pay off, I had to have something to compare
it with,
so I asked for a shot of Herradura Anejo and Patron
Anejo.
Cute lil' comes back with,
"We have the Herradura, but no Patron.
We have some Chinaco, tho.
Is that a good brand?"
I asked, "Is it the Chinaco Anejo?"
She says she'll find out.
It wasn't, it was Reposado, which isn't the same.
So I just had the two shots - they were nice.
The Porfidio Cactus Bottle Anejo was plenty smooth, but
there's no there there.
Smooth is one thing, "nothing there" is another.
Like OJ, I think I''m going to stop my search for the "real killer"
tequila, because we have a clear winner with The
Gift of Canaan.
They also had food at this place.
I went with the salad, the Prime Rib Au Jus and the baked potatoe*
Mrs. Barkley had the Lobster Fettacino, is how I think you spell
it.
Ohhhh, the lobster was Belize-style, with coconut curry sauce!
ha ha
No wonder I don't eat that weird food.
What the "F" is coconut curry sauce?
What? ...short on time? ...pick it up?
OK OK, the meal was the best ever.
Great salad, the steak was great, but the best part was the bakedpotatoe*
Y'ever notice how the baked potatoe* always tastes better at the restaurant?
I have a theory that the longer they sit, perhaps in rock salt, the
more the flavor of the
potatoe* skin osmosizizes (homage to Smirk) its flavor into
the spud, thereby giving
greater flavor than home baked taters which you'd eat shortly after
preparing it.
This potatoe* was that good.
To make it even better, ...towards the end, ...when every little bite
is extra good?
I poured the last of my Au Jus on it.
ha ha
Ohhhh, it was reeeal good.
I'd take a little bit of the Au Jus-soaked potatoe* (I'm getting
real tired of that)
and I'd savor the taste then follow it with a sliver of pink Prime
Rib, and then chase it
with some high-dollar Anejo, ...and the exhale alone
is worth twenty bucks.
ha ha
I must be going to hell.
Later, Cute lil' asked me what the deal was with the different kinds
of tequila.
She asked me to give her a tequila education.
I did what I could.
So, Mrs. BartCop drove back (drinking and driving is bad) to the PEOV
Inn.
We settled into a little TV, knowing tomorrow would be a busy day.
Sidebar:
Channel surfing, I caught The Madonna Story
on VH-1.
Some lady said the reason Madonna was so screwed
up sexually is because she was
brought up Catholic, where french-kissing and
murder are both equal sins.
We could spend a week on that craziness,
but this report is already too long.
We watched a little Dave, and I was shocked by something
he revealed.
Remember this, from Smirk's disasterous 2000 visit to Dave, pre-theft?
President Weak, Stupid and Heartless was caught wiping
his glasses on a staffer.
I, perhaps like you, assumed the staffers was a Smirk staffer, but
noooooo.
But Dave revealed last Wednesday night (the 16th) that it was Maria
Pope,
....the lady who introduces the Survivor people, ...the Campaign 2000
lady,
...SHE is the young lady who Smirk just decided to wipe himself on!
Can you believe that silver-spooned son of a bitch?
Wiping himself off on whoever happens to be nearby?
And to think this prick got within 500,000 votes of winning the presidency!
Isn't that scary?
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