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First off, this is Volume 67.
Last issue said Volume 64, but it was actually Volume 66.
Republican right-wingers must have hacked into my system,
trying to sabotage bartcop.com trying to hide the
truth,
trying to hide the REAL facts from real Americans,
and changed the numbers as we were about to publish.
Rest assured, they will not succeed in their trickery.
We're getting bigger every issue.
Some newbees have been asking about the perceived
"harshness" of the name of our publication.
We do NOT stoop to name-calling at RL-LNW!
The only reason we use RL-LNW is to point out the
ABSURDITY of name calling, but you regular readers
already knew that, right?
Poor Bob Dole
In their first debate, Dole TWICE attacked Clinton for
not showing Butch enough respect when he kicked his ass
back in 1992. "You called him Mr. Butch," said Dole.
Two days later, Dole went "BOZO" with the respect issue.
Not once, but TWICE!
Dan Quayle must be feeling a little better
knowing there's a bigger dork than he.
That little 6-year old that caused the outrage
when he stole a kiss from the 6-year old girl?
Things are not always as they seem....
Turns out that kid is a real problem.
This school year is VERY young, yet he's been
disciplined many, many times for disruptive behavior.
Last week, he hit and BIT a teacher.
This isn't Norman Rockwell's perfect kid.
He's Bob Packwood without the seniority.
He's Clarence "Slappy" Thomas without the tan.
On Friday's show, Rush talked about a DWI arrest
that VP-wannabe Jack Kemp recently had.
Did anyone else hear it? It was in Friday's third hour.
Why would Rush bring that up?
Not only did Kemp get a DWI arrest, but, according to
Rush, he uttered a slurs against black people.
If anyone has the full story, or has an idea why Rush would mention
this,
please contact the offices of RL-LNW.
CNN Says Clinton Ahead by 23 Points
Wow!
The GOP is more splintered than a stuck cabinet door at Chuck Norris's
house.
(thanks to Dennis Miller)
What happens when you corner a bear,
...a de-clawed bear
...with no teeth?
Watch your TV Wednesday night.
(Brought to you by bartcop.com and the Discovery Channel)
In the Gore-Kemp slaughter, Kemp ADMITTED a constitutional
amendment to ban abortion "would never pass."
Ralph Reed says Jack Kemp must sit out the 2000 election.
Ralph's the boss.
Fun GOP Quotes
"I don't know that I'm in a position to give advice.
Look what happened to me."
--George Butch, giving campaign advice to Bob Dole
At the Gore-Kemp slaughter, Al Gore made one mistake.
He referred to former President Butch as "President Bush."
He was nervous.
Mistakes were made.
Holy Cow!
Tim McVeigh says HE WANTS TO VOTE IN THIS ELECTION!
Gee, I wonder which candidate the right-wing bomber/killer is endorsing this year???
Great Rush Quotes
"I haven't been mean to President Clinton.
I think I've been very nice to him."
MAILBAG
From: Ron Johnson
I see you are still trying your best to spread
lies, and defend Von schlickmeister.
I read your rebuttal to Jacobys 80 reasons and
while quite humorous,
I think you're full of SIHT!!
Ronald L. Johnson
(Isn't hate mail supposed to be meaner?)
Great Rush Quotes
"Liberalism is just plain evil.
Conservatives just don't have it in them to be evil."
The Dole Campaign announced Elizabitch will bake cookies
as a fund raiser featuring BIG tobacco and the NRA.
Small cookies will be $6500 each, or two for $10,000,
the big cookies are $12,500 each, or two for $20,000.
Vegatable oil provided by just-indicted ADM.
Bob Dole is so desperate at this point,
his handlers are toying with the idea of
having his character reveal he's a lesbian.
When Bob Dole picked Jack Kemp as his running mate,
Rush said:
"This is perfect. Kemp is Ronald Reagan's heir.
This brings back the 'supply-side success of the 1980's.'
In effect, this election will be between Clinton & Reagan.
This is going to be fun to watch, folks."
Rush, you were right!!
It's the most fun I've had in 47 months.
I have only three words to describe this next, true story:
1. Un
2. Be
3. Leivable!
Last Fridays show, the EIB Foundation Shook.
No, not from Rush using the steps...
This exchange was heard:
Caller - blah, blah, blah, Rush, you've heard of "safe sex."
Rush - "Heard of it?
I PRACTICE IT!"
Whoaa..
As most of you know, I have a degree in medicine.
If Rush is practicing safe sex, that means Rush and Marta
are wanting to avoid exposing the other to something.
A disease-free, monogamous couple without a doubt
has NO REASON to practice safe sex.
Maybe Rush prefers the "feel" of a condom to his wife?
(Isn't THAT a disgusting thought.)
If YOU heard Rush's show Friday, you know he said it.
If there's a reason why a non-swinging, clean couple
needs to practice safe sex, please contact the Editor.
(Or maybe Rush is doing the world a favor by NOT passing
on his genetic code. If that's the reason - dittoes.)
DAN QUAYLE - Stand Up Comedian
"I may make another run for the Presidency."
Last month, Pat Robertson said Dole would need
"a miracle from Allmighty God" to beat Clinton.
Last Monday, Robertson DOWNGRADED Dole's chances.
In the rarest of rare occurences, Pat Robertson and
the editor of RL-LNW, Internet Political Humor Magazine,
have issued the following JOINT press release:
"WE BELIEVE THAT, WITHOUT QUESTION, WE'RE GOING TO SEE
A BLOWOUT THIS NOVEMBER, MAYBE AS BIG AS THE BLOWOUT
OF 1964 WHEN LBJ DESTROYED GOLDWATER."
Your Editor wants you to know we won't be co-releasing
many press releases with the religio-wacko-right,
but when they're right, we will agree with them.
Why can't he learn?
Is Bob Dole too old to learn?
After getting their hands slapped for stealing "Soul Man,"
the Dole campaign has been notified by Bruce Springsteen
to stop using "Born in the USA" at Dole events.
Springsteen said "I don't support your policies,
and I don't want you using (read STEALING) my song."
Besides, Bob, it's an ANTI-WAR song.
Who's running this campaign, anyway?
Craig Livingstone?
Great GOP Quotes
"I don't have to be an attack dog."
--Jack Kemp, before his debate with Al Gore.
Wednesday's debate should be a corker!
It's Dole's last chance!
Everybody wants him to go negative EARLY!
What would this accomplish?
1. "Darth Vader" would look darker than ever.
2. The few remaining female voters will desert him.
3. Do you think, for a New York minute that Bill Clinton
is going to stand there, looking guilty,
and let Bob Dole take a second term away from him?
Do you think Clinton isn't ready for that?
Clinton comes to this fight fully equipt.
This is a battle of wits and on-your-feet thinking.
That means Bob Dole is unarmed.
4. Remember what happened when Butch tried it?
"Your father was RIGHT to say no to McCarthyism,
and you were WRONG to question my patriotism!"
You can't buy zingers like that at the 5 and dime.
5. Bob Dole is no angel.
He's never explained who paid for that boathouse in Kansas.
Archer Daniels Midland gave Bob Dole $500,000, and got a
$4,500,000,000 bump on Dole-sponsored sugar subsidies.
But... it may not happen.
Inside sources say Dole knows he can't win.
If Dole leaves the spotlight with a black eye,
it will taint his memorable career.
I hope Dole gets to retire with dignity.
We'll know in less than 30 hours.
Great Rush Quotes
"Everyday, everyday in New York, 90% of the women
wear BLACK from head-to-toe - all the time."
We all know Rush would never exaggerate....
Poor Bob Dole
His focus groups say women will run away from him
if he starts using personal attacks against Clinton.
Yet, Rush says that's his only chance.
What's a grandpa to do?
Wait! Bob Dole's not a grandpa, but we shouldn't ask why.
We decided long ago that Robin Dole's sexuality should NOT
be an issue in this campaign, nor should Jack Kemp's.
It's none of our business who's gay and who's not.
Fun Quotes
"When I took office, very few people were on the Internet.
Now, my CAT has a homepage."
--Your President, Bill Clinton
Poor Bob Dole
Tuesday on the CBS News, he was asked if Clinton
was ethically and morally deserving to be president.
That softball is at LEAST as big as Texas, but what was Dole's answer?
"I think it's my view that I don't have any comment."
Bob, you don't have any comment?
It's your VIEW that you don't have any comment?
You THINK it's your VIEW that you don't have any comment?
In their debate, Dole said he and Clinton were "friends."
As an FOB, shouldn't Dole be worried that Kenneth Starr
will now track his every move, his wife's every move,
his business partner's every move, the business partners
of his business partner's every move, his relative's moves,
the friends of his relative's business partners,
his banking accounts for the last 30 years, his friend's
banking accounts for the last 30 years, the banking accounts
of his wife's friends for the last 30 years, the billing
practices of his wife's friends the last 30 years,
the travel expenses for his friend's friends and his wife's
friends for the last 30 years etc etc etc.
Bob Dole is in DEEP shit.
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