So, let's HAVE a trial.
Ditto-Tangs are going to beat Bill Clinton?
Bill Clinton?
Our President?
Undefeated Bill Clinton?
Undefeated Bill Clinton, losing to ditto-monkeys?
Ha ha
Undefeated Bill Clinton, Master of Sheep?
Ha ha
Undefeated Bill Clinton, Donkey-Trainer, losing to those asses?
Ha ha
Undefeated Bill Clinton, Organ Grinder, tricked by a monkey?
Ha ha
THIS guy is going to lose a trial against cavemen?
Ha ha
"BILL CLINTON, OUTSMARTED BY A DITTO-TANG"
That's a headline you'll never see.
Ha ha
I'm so goddamned amused about this stinking mess.
How does Clinton do it?
He did wrong,
and THEY had to resign.
He did wrong,
and THEY go down in the polls.
He did wrong,
and THEY look like a fascist goon squad.
Meanwhile, crime is at a 26-year low.
Murder is down 88 percent in big cities.
Abortions are down everywhere.
...and I hear arm sales to Iran have fallen to nothing.
(cough)
You people that are worried about Bill Clinton?
Don't.
If you've EVER trusted me, trust me now.
Clinton is a big ol' boy.
He can take care of himself.
Remember that.
No matter what happens,
Bill Clinton is the LAST guy who needs help.
...and it doesn't hurt that his accusers are ready to
destroy themselves for a CHANCE to destroy him.
Bill Clinton knows you win with defense.
Don't worry another second about Bill Clinton.
Bill Clinton is going to be fine.
He's the most admired man in America, being impeached by
the religiously insane, tobacco whores and white-supremecists.
He'll be just fine.
Wasn't that San Francisco - Green Bay game a monster?
Rush missed work the first day after his arch-enemy,
Bill Clinton was impeached by the ditto-monkey Congress.
Why?
How?
On arguably the most important day in Rush's entire career,
...after begging for this day for seven looooooooong years,
he couldn't make it to work?
Unbelieveable.
His Pigness has only worked ONE day since the ditto-monkey
congress impeached the best president America ever had.
There can only be one answer...
We can only conclude that the doctors in southern Florida
don't have much experience with homosexual medicine.
They must've missed that last gerbil.
Test Mail
From: scully22@earthlink.net
>Bart,
>Are you a clean cut man of God?
heh heh
Is this a trap?
If it is, it won't work.
I don't DO traps, Honey.
I tell traps to "Eat me."
>Do you really think that you can live up the standard
>regired to lead this Country?
I don't have Clinton's brains, if that's what ewe mean.
But I can guarantee that I have better morals than Newt,
Delay, Burton, Hyde, Armey, Limba and most "Christians."
>Would you be able to resist the temptations?
That's a good question.
If fabulous babes like Sharon Stone were constantly telling
news outlets that she'd enjoy "doing me," maybe I'd have
something to confess, but I could resist Monica.
...for a looooooooong time.
Web Site Alert
http://rush.digitalchainsaw.com/interview2.html
You remember this guy?
He has the Rush Limbaugh Excellence in Babbling site.
Great, new Herendo Revolver interview with His Pigness.
Questions are asked, and Pigboy answers in his own words.
Pre-load, maybe, to save time, but well worth it.
Next time you have company, show 'em this page.
Can't Quote This Often Enough
"The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women.
It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that
encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children,
practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians!"
--Pat Robertson, crazy even for a sheep
From: TABPIB@aol.com
>To: bartcop@bartcop.com
>Subject: Your Nonsence
>Came accross your page and noticed you have alot of Hate,
>Are you Democrats trying to drag down country?
>You , Bart are nothing but a Racist, Linda Chavez
>How can you criticize a Women and a Hispanic;
>You Hateful person you
>I don't believe I read even more of your hate;
>I guess it proves I'm human.
>Loosen the stranglehold your hate has on you Bart.
>Regards,
>T.Bacon
...another BartCop error
Last issue, I recommended Voltai News.
I got his address wrong.
It's voltai29@geocities.com
You should hook up with him.
You get real news almost instantly.
Fuck a bunch of ink on dead trees.
I pick up a paper and read a story and think,
"Why are they doing that story? That's old news."
But that's because Voltai sends out news as it happens.
The newspaper comes the next day.
What the hell, give him a try.
Worst you can do is ub-subscribe, right?
You'll get real news without the showbiz whoring
the "real" press is selling.
Nobody paid me to say this.
Nobody pays him to send news out.
It's a no-whore news source.
...and how rare is that?
Re: Let's Make Some History
Looks like we didn't, ...or haven't, yet.
One possible explanation:
From: abby@surfsouth.com
BartCop,
....just got back from Georgia with a scoop,
CNN has all the stuff on Newt's hookers, so do most news orgs.
They are going to let the Jan. issue of Hustler hit before they
move on anything. The powers that be want to see how it shakes out
in the heartland. The ____ (Baptists, Fascists, Fam. Res Council,
you fill in the blank with your favorite hate group) have promised
a hude boycott campaign and advertising $$$ cutoffs for any news
org breaks the Gingrich/hookers story.
Being whores, they want money more than truth or accuracy.
P.S. On a lighter note, GOP friends in Bob Barr's district say
Barr is TOAST in Nov. 2000.
Remember this?
>I'm not very up-to-date on modern religion...
>Which Commandment says "Women are inferior?"
>That shit won't fly at stately BartCop Manor, trust me.
>Which reminds me, there's a severe ditto-monkey who follows
>Rush on AM radio every day in Bedrock, Oklahoma. He's such
>a devout Christian, who "just can't help" sharing his feelings
>of faith each day as we're trying to jump the chasm between
>LardAss's sign-off and quitting time, when the clock moves
>slower than Danny Quayle's cordical synapses.
>So, who helps us with this leap?
>Religio-Nut Michael Del Giorno, drive-home-AM-Radio-boy.
>Del Giorno tells his drive-home crowd:
>"It's only natural that women submit to men -
>it's what God revealed to us in the Holy Bible.
>Women should submit to their husbands."
>(Note to reader: Del Giorno is divorced and alone.
>BartCop is married 23 years.)
Ahem...
Del Giorno is at it again.
He made a mistake, and I taped it.
Here's the deal:
This crazed ditto-monkey was whining last week about
"how terrible" it was that Clinton's poll numbers were up.
He said "People around the world wonder if America needs
a new president. Well, I wonder if we need a new country!
Clinton lied and cheated and is a bad, bad man and as a
Christian, I feel compelled to speak out against him."
I was in the mood to kick donkey-ass, so I called the
station and asked if Del Giorno would SEE a fax if I sent one.
I told phone-boy it wasn't important for Del Giorno to read
the fax on the air, I just wanted to be sure he got my fax
while I was pissed off.
He said, "Oh, he'll see it, allright."
So, I faxed it.
I couldn't believe what happened next.
It's a good thing I had my tape recorder running
because some people wouldn't believe this.
This religio-nut READS my fax, word-for-word, on the air.
Click Here to hear the nut read my fax.
Let me see if I can put into print what happened.
(my words in caps)
Christian Ditto-Head Michael Del Giorno:
I'm Michael Del Giorno along with Rick
Corey and
John Durkee,
and I want to thank BartCop for faxing me...
(howls of laughter in the background from the staff,
some staffers must've read the fax before giving it to him.)
...and I quote:
TO THE POMPOUS ASS, DEL GIORNO,
FACE THE FACTS.
ONLY 27 PERCENT OF AMERICA AGREES WITH YOU.
AMERICA LOVES THEIR PRESIDENT, AND YOU RIGHT-WING
HATEBOYS JUST HAVE TO FACE THE FACTS.
YOU'RE OUT OF THE MAINSTREAM, MICHAEL.
YOU JUST DON'T GET IT.
YOUR SMUG, HOLIER-THAN-EVERYBODY ACT IS TIRESOME.
KNUCKLEDRAG, OKLAHOMA IS THE ONLY PLACE WHERE YOU COULD
STAY ON THE AIR WITH YOUR HATE OOZING ALL OVER THE PLACE
I TAKE THAT BACK.
YOU COULD BE A BIG HIT IN WHATEVER TOWN DAVID DUKE IS FROM.
SIGNED,
BARTCOP
Del Giorno:
Actually, I'm FROM the town David Duke is
from,
which is New Orleans, Louisiana.
---
Well, as you can imagine, I can't pull enough oxygen into my
starving
lungs to get some
laughter out. I didn't think he'd read the f-ing fax, and I DAMN
SURE didn't expect him
to draw a parallel to his klan-mate, David Duke.
It wasn't quite as funny as the time I had G. Gordon Liddy name
two conservatives from a Prodigy BB, "gay lovers," ...but it was pretty
close.
You can tell from the wording that it's ol' BartCop raving,
but it sounds positively rivetting coming from a ditto-tang.
I don't like cheesey, better-than-you, wackos preaching.
I offer them a standing challenge.
It starts with an "E," ends with an "E," and it has an ATM if the
middle.
I saved the fun as a .wav file, too large to send out, but if
anyone
knows where I can
get a free MP3 compressor, let me know and I'll post it on a newsgroup
somewhere.
Koresh forgive me, but I LOVE shearing sheep.
Monkey Mail
>From: C.BAYES@worldnet.att.net
>Subject:
>ID LIKE TO SEE THINGS FROM YOUR P0RSPECTIVE, BUT I DONT
>THINK I CAN GET ME HEAD THAT FAR UP MY ASS YOU IDOT
>Sincerely,
>C Bayes
Great GOFP Quotes
"I'm fed up with what's happened to the truth in this country."
-- Gerbilboy Limba, his last day at work.
Is anyone surprised?
WASHINGTON - The Anti-Defamation League issued a statement
criticizing the Council of Conservative Citizens for having
David Duke speak at their Jan. 2 meeting in Washington.
Yes, this is the same Council of Conservative Citizens that
has Trent Lott, Bob Barr and Gov. Fordice as regulars.
I know Fordice is a ditto-tang,
and I know Barr is crazier than mustard on chocolate,
...but I thought Trent Lott had SOME sense.
Lately, tho, Lott has come out hard against gays,
he criticized our Commander-in-Chief with troops in danger,
and he recently bought lil' Klan costumes for the kiddies.
...and he's putting Mr. Popular on trial?
I guess by now you've heard the rumor
that Snooty has been banging Sonny Bono's wife.
My sources say he paid her in cash, not with his credit card.
Good move, Snoot.
True AM Follies
Doc Meng: Welcome to the Dr. Laura Mengele Program.
That's 1-800 m-e-n-g-e-l-e.
Next up is Louise. Hi, Louise...
Louise: Hi, Doc Meng, I have a moral problem, or dilemma.
Doc Meng: Wait, which is it?
A moral problem or a moral dilemma?
Louise: Hell, ...I don't know.
Is that important?
Doc Meng: (slow burn...)
So, get to it, honey...
Louise: The problem is my fiance's 10 year old son.
He's always causing trouble, like at dinner...
Doc Meng: Wait a minute...
Louise: He's always...
Doc Meng: Wait a minute.
Louise: Every time he...
Doc Meng: WAIT A MINUTE!!!
WAIT A MINUTE!!!
WAIT A MINUTE!!!
I was speaking, honeybabe...
You're shacking up with a stud-boy?
Louise: Well... yes, but I...
Doc Meng: WAIT A MINUTE!!!
You're shacking up with some stud-person?
Louise: He's my fiance, and we...
Doc Meng: I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!!
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!!
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!!
Honeybabe, do you know which show you called?
Have you ever heard this show before?
Shacking up is the main reason...
Louise: But, ...I didn't ASK your opinion about THAT, now did
I?
(radio goes dead.........)
Whooooooooaaaaaaaa...
Somebody talked back to Doc Meng?
Is that what happened?
Yep.
Somebody talked back to Doc Meng.
Nobody talks back to Doc Meng.
Nobody.
Especially after she was caught with her panties down.
When Doc Meng realized her caller wasn't a blank-ditt, her
demeanor frosted over my radio and I missed her entire come-apart.
Doc Meng isn't prepared to have a conversation with someone.
Doc Meng wins arguments with decibles, not reason.
Like Pigboy, she keeps her kingdom tidy with the volume button.
There's no sense in hearing BOTH sides of an issue.
After all, there's the right way, Doc Meng's way,
...and then there's the other, ungodly ways.
I wonder if Doc Meng had Carolyn tied to a tree and whipped,
like Rush use to do to poor old Bo Snerdly?
Ten Hut!
Jim Inhofe (R-Pig) Oklahoma's "Senator Pissquik," has been
screaming at Clinton for years for "destroying" our military.
I admit I don't know Quayle about military spending or
readiness, but
I saw a recent Nightline
that agreed with Senator Pissquik. Nightline interviewed some airline
mechanics and they said there
was a backlog of 20-30 days on engine repairs because the military
didn't have enough qualified
personnel to work on them.
Now...
The ABC Network IS a money-driven, whore network, like the
others,
but Howdy Dooty has always had a shred of decency and dignity,
so I listened closely to the rest of the program.
According to ABC News, and Howdy Dooty, ...Senator Pissquik is right.
They said the economy is soooo hot, that these well-trained
technical
professionals can get out of
the Navy after just two or four years and make reasonable money like
$40-60K and buy a house
and start a family and live their lives.
Excuse me, but, ...that's new.
Under Reagan/Butch Voodoo-Trickle/on, those poor bastards HAD
to serve
their country at
minimum wage year after year because there WERE NO JOBS TO GO TO!!!
Damn that Clinton,
always making things better...
We should remove him for creating jobs.
...not that this is a sex newsletter, but Playboy recently
ran their "Top 100 Sexy Women of the 20th Century."
More whoring, I'm afraid.
Sure, there's lots of subjective arguments about which babe
is the sexiest ever, but it was a little self-serving to proclaim
Marilyn Monroe the greatest sex goddess of the 20th Century,
since she was Playboy's first centerfold.
Marilyn was dead before most RL-LNW subscribers reached puberty.
...but something's wrong when Linda Lovelace is ranked higher than Heather Locklear.
http://kave.ml.org/%7Ekave/furnporn1.html
Last time I checked, this link was down.
It's funny as hell, if it ever comes back.
Senators are such baby sheep.
Danny Moynihan says he's leaning towards censure.
That's a signal to the brain-dead senators to follow him.
You know they're going to screw this up, and here's how:
The Republicans are afraid of the Lil' BugMan, Tom Delay.
If they decide on censure, they're going to want:
- a full confession, heavy on the Swaggert-style groveling,
- an admission that this is ALL Clinton's fault,
absolving the throwbacks in the House and Po' Kenny,
- a huge fine, which is bullshit because Clinton's broke,
- the acceptance that Po' Kenny can butt-rape Clinton in 2001,
So, that's NOT going to happen.
Ol' BartCop can get Clinton a better deal than that.
I've been behind the curve on this one. I've been calling for a
censure
to end this, but the GOFP
can't end this looking like stuck piglets, so the Senate is going to
demand TOO much to settle this.
Clinton will refuse their offer.
Smarter liberals than I have been demanding a trial.
I, BartCop-come-lately agree.
Here's what will happen:
Clinton will refuse their lil' nazi offer.
The trial will start, his approval ratings will soar into
the 80's and the Senate will be forced to end the trial early.
How does this happen?
It's simple.
At some point, 51 senators will stand up and say "Fuck it."
Under impeachment rules, Judge Renquist can be overruled by a majority.
So the Senate will eventually exonerate Bill Clinton.
This will be another disaster for the GOP.
At this point, Clinton can say after a careful look at the
evidence, all charges were dropped because the Senate realized
this was a goofy, get-Clinton witchhunt from the start.
Clinton then gets to have his final two years without a cloud.
He can always say the only reason he was impeached is because the GOFP
couldn't allow this wildly successful president to get the credit he
deserved.
What do YOU think history will say about the president who
gave us unprecedented peace and prosperity?
From: jason@sunlandinsurance.com
To:
Subject:
do you have any real thoughts or do you
just spout
what you here
and put a few of your words in it so it's not
plagerism
i've read the same page by ten different authors
on about 20 other
web sites you all say the same things. grow up
have a
write something thats worth reading
not just a collective of tasteless jokes.
Jason, ditto-monkey insurance peddler
Jason,
It always surprises me when people use their work address
to provoke a dirty, nasty fight with thousands of people.
I must say, you've got balls.
From: repooc57@hotmail.com
>Subject: Socialism
>Bartcop,
>Socialism has failed everywhere that it has been tried.
>What makes you such a defender of an obviously failed system?
>Could it be liberal class envy? Sounds that way to me.
When did I defend socialism?
Did you read the issue where I pointed out that there are
hundreds of examples of socialism in YOUR everyday life?
>Try less name calling and people may take your ideas
seriously.
>At least they may read past the first paragraph.
>CCooper
It's a joke.
It's not meant to be taken seriously.
You know who Rush is, right?
This is what Rush sounds like to most Americans, except I'm kidding.
Your hero is kidding, too, but he'll accept your money and
that mantle of godhood if you insist on giving it to him.
Mail that makes sense
From: Glen Russell
>Today, Cheesebaugh was playing clips of democrats being
>self contradictory. He played Clinton's bit about stopping
>the politics of personal destruction, and followed with
>Carville's swearing vengeance in the coming year.
I heard Cheesebaugh's show, too.
Typical sucker-punch ambush from a lying whore.
Repubs say "Clinton is a child-raping, cocaine-smuggling,
draft-dodging, sexual predator, intent on destroying America."
Rush sees that as "just telling the truth."
But when the Demos say
"Repubs want to cut funding for school lunches
and they want to relax water and air pollution standards,"
Rush sees that as "personal assassination."
What could be further from the truth?
I'd like to wash Pigboy's mouth out with soap.
Horendo Revolver's Show
Horendo: Larry, I've asked you not to "out" anybody on
my show,
but can you tell me the KINDS of things you'll reveal?
Flynt: Sure. We've got staunch anti-abortion crusaders
urging
their wife or mistress
to have
an abortion, and we have the usual betrayed-my-spouse kind of thing,
and, of
course, Bob Barr lying under oath about his sex life.
The Flynt Report, (meant to sound the like Starr Report) will
be available
very, very soon.
Those scumbags know who they are, and they know they're about to lose
everything.
I think that's called.... pressure.
Speaking of scumbags, check this true quote:
By Louise D. Palmer, Boston Globe, 01/04/99
J.C. Watts also fathered a baby out of
wedlock
in high school.
Watts admitted to his mistakes, but insisted
he tried to do right.
Watts piled up a mountain of unpaid debts
- and
unpaid taxes -
which resulted in property foreclosures and
lawsuits
in the
oil business in the '80s when prices plunged.
When he was an energy commissioner
regulating
the oil industry,
Watts was the object of an FBI corruption probe
for receiving cash
from the industry he regulated. He was never
charged.
"There's nothing illegal, unethical or
immoral
about
taking money from those you regulate.''
-- J.C. Watts
Mike Espy should've called Uncle OJ as a witness at his trial.
You're a baseball crowd...
Joe DiMaggio
I don't know much about Joe DiMaggio.
Hell, I hope I spelled his name right.
Joe DiMaggio was the Yankee Clipper, the centerfield link
between baseball legends Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle.
Wow!
Joe was a hell of a baseball player.
Seems like he held the record for consecutive hit games.
Does he still hold that record?
Seems like Pete (Hall of Fame) Rose got close.
Did Pete break that record?
(Publishing headlines prevent verification.)
But Joe DiMaggio left baseball before TV was in every home,
so very few of us ever got to see him play.
I know he was once married to Marilyn Monroe, (who wasn't?)
and I knew him from those nutty Mr. Coffee commercials.
Joe is a very private man.
As far as I know, he's never given an interview.
Is that right?
Never gave an interview?
Never sat with Bob Costas?
Never did the Today Show?
Never been on Larry King?
Never whored on QVC?
Joe, ...my man.
You just gotta love ol' Joe.
He's at the very, very, very end of his life.
He recently fell into a coma.
The family gathered around his bed.
The priest gave him the sacred last rites.
Joe held on, ...then he got a little bit better.
Soon, he once again fell into a coma.
Deeper this time.
Doctors gathered the family again and Joe was given
the last rites by a priest a second time.
His life was ending.
...and what a life it was!
Joe DiMaggio!
War hero, if I'm not mistaken...
I think Joe left baseball for a while to kick nazi ass.
(my assumption, ...written under a deadline.)
As his family waited at his bedside,
Joe DiMaggio fought back!
In true BartCop fashion,
Joltin' Joe told the Grim Reaper, to "Eat me."
Joe started getting stronger.
His white-cell count fell dramatically.
His breathing was easier, his blood pressure came back
and the Yankee Clipper surprised everyone by opening his eyes!
The doctors stood in shock as Joe DiMaggio stared at them!
The doctors leaned over to see if he'd speak,
"What is it Joe?
What are you trying to say?"
Joe DiMaggio, American hero looked up and said,
"Fuck the Press.
Do you hear me?
Not another word to those whores.
Do you understand me?"
Joltin' Joe!!
I never knew you, but you're my kind of man!
"Fuck the Press."
Does it get any clearer than that?
May the keeper of the seasons,
whoever he is, wherever he is,
take good care of you when you're gone, Joe.
Joe DiMaggio, American Hero.
I have the fastest way out of this impeachment mess.
Leave it to ol' BartCop to solve the really tough dilemmas.
I can solve anything.
It's so easy, too.
Al Gore announces his refusal to benefit from the witchhunt.
"I can't work with tobacco whores and ditto-tangs any more
than Bill Clinton could work with them.
If Bill Clinton leave office early, I'm going with him."
Stroke of genius.
Which leaves us with ...President Hastert?
Problem solved.
Email the Author: Bartcop