...a learning guide for bunny Democrats  You're about to enter ...the no-pink tutu zone. POLITICS-SARCASM-FINE TEQUILA-VEGAS  HUMOR-SPORTS-GARBAGE-ENTERTAINMENT
Diebold? Why They Lied The Myth of the Liberal Media  BartCop Store New to BartCop? Reagan was famous The vote was rigged?  BartCop Forum Live CHAT		PayPal to  bartcop@bartcop.com  .Support Bartcop.com  PO Box 54466....Tulsa, OK  74155		Back Issues Bart Cook BartCop Sports BC Entertainment Buzzflash Demo U-Ground  Contact us Eric Alterman Gene Lyons Joe Conason MediaWhoresOnline Mike Malloy Project 60 Smirking Chimp Vegas Report Your Ad Here MORE LINKS

 Quotes

"Al Gore is on the show tonight.
  He's here to make me look exciting."
    -- Dave

 Troubles Deepen for the Secret Cervix

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Because of personnel shortages, Secret Service executives must assign rookies
 to security posts around the White House, the VP's’ residence, and foreign missions.
 Many of these recruits have not been fully trained or, in some cases, had criminal
 background checks completed.
 

 So, a pretend president gets rookies handling his security?
 Sounds right to me...

 Quotes

 "Hey, let's get one of those home satellite dished.
  Then we can stop sucking on the six-network teat."
      -- Bart Simpson

 Atheist Scout fights decision to boot him

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 The Chief Seattle Council of the Boy Scouts has given Eagle Scout Darrell Lambert
 about a week to decide "in his heart" if he's truly an atheist. If he insists on sticking to
 his belief that there is no God, the Council will terminate his membership.

"No way" is he going to change his beliefs, says Lambert.
"It'd be like me asking them to change their belief.  It's not going to happen."
 

 They're teaching these kids that dishonesty is the best policy.
 Screw what you believe, we want you to lie while taking an oath?
 The story is a month old, so I guess they booted the kid for telling the truth.
 
 So you kids out there, if you want to get ahead, learn to lie like a politician,
 and brush up on your religious insanity to please your bosses.
 

 Quotes

"Jennifer Lopez announced she's engaged to Ben Affleck.
  It's the third marriage for Lopex, the first for Affleck, and the last for neither."
    -- Tina Fey, Weekend Update
 

  Just kidding, Ben

 Steve Perry vs Tamara Baker
 (Bet on the Baker gal)

  Click  Here

 VCR Alert - I know there are dozens of you who can't get into U2.
 
 But you should watch their CBS special tonight.
 
 Tell me there's another performer on the planet that can connect with
 their audience more than what you're going to see Bono do tonight.

 I think you gotta go into the past - Elvis, The Beatles, Hendrix, maybe Morrison,
 so find somebody who can compete with what you're going to see tonight.

 If I'm wrong, write and tell me about it.

 Subject: "Bush is anything but moronic"

 I don't think your friend Mr. Miller is telling us anything new.

>"Bush is a guy who is absolutely proud of his own inflexibility and rectitude," he says.
>"He can't keep his focus on things that mean nothing to him."

 If that isn't a classic profile of a moron, I don't know what is.

 W Michie

 Quotes

"Astronomers said last week's meteor shower over Europe was the biggest in history.
  France got very excited about it, and asked, "What's a shower?"
     - Conan

 Right Wing Gets Gored
   with response by FizzTwo in green, BartCop in black

  Click  Here

 Subject:  Iraq inspections: what they really mean

 I have never seen the take on the "U.N." inspections played out this way, but it probably has been, somewhere.
 But I thought I would send it along in case it hasn't been.

 We all know, because Richard Perle has told us, that BFEE is going to invade Iraq, regardless of what the
 U.N. Fig Leaf (UNFL) finds in the way of WMDs. Perle even said as part of the justification that one can
 never prove the negative, i.e., even if no WMDs are found, that doesn't mean Iraq has none.

 So why the delay for inspections? Well, there is the fig leaf part. If, by doing the UN Dance (C),  you can convince
 the wayward wafflers out there, or give cover to the threatened and closeted supporters, that would be a Good Thing
 (TM) for the BFEE. Maybe we could get all the way to twelve allies, as in The Gulf War I (SM).

 But the important part is war-fighting. The U.S. already has much intelligence via our satellites, apart from whatever
 in-country assets (spies) it may have. And there have certainly been intercepts, air-to-ground radar, and whatever else
 comes from the weekly-to-daily pounding and reconnaissance overflights of the "no-fly zone". But the UNFL will
 provide opportunity to put more assets on the ground in the most sensitive places, and with presumed unlimited
 access to all of Iraq.

 Any WMDs or other armaments that are destroyed or rendered unusable give a clearer field of fire and fewer
 threats for U.S. soldiers to face when the invasion comes. This is of course good for the U.S., but also good for
 the BFEE because they will then get a much higher approval rating from the lack of casualties and body bags.
 Plus, the more infrastructure that remains, the faster BFEE can begin its expansion into becoming the
 BFEOC (Bush Family Evil Oil Cartel).

 Dick Paddock

Tales of The Hammer for the modern day
   by Phillip Schuman

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Greeted by the king of the city, Utgard-Loki, the three were asked to prove themselves
 worthy to sit at table with giants, and Thialfi offered to race their fastest youth, but though
 he ran his fastest, his opponent always outstripped him, sometimes arriving back at the finish
 line before Thialfi had left. Disheartened, the boy admitted he was defeated, and Loki
 challenged their best eater. Although he ate like a horse, Loki could not beat his opponent
 either, who not only ate the meat and bones, but the dishes and table as well.

 Quotes

"You know we see it in foreign countries and we think,
 'How can this religious fundamentalism become so violent?'
  Well, it's that same shrill rhetoric, it's that same shrill power
  that motivates. ... And that's happening in this country."
     -- Tom Daschle, stupidly telling the truth again

 Christina Aguilera's Nipple Tweaker Goes on Strike

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 Protesting unfair working conditions, the man responsible for keeping
 Christina Aguilera's nipples in a permanent state of arousal has walked out.

Call for nominations: the Al-Q'aeda Achievement Awards

Greetings,

I'd like to request your knowledgeable input for an upcoming satirical feature in
The Specious Report next month. The story will "recognize" American individuals
and/or groups who have helped to kill, injure, misinform, or generally degrade the
quality of life for Americans over the past twelve months.

For Example:
To Enron and Arthur Andersen for destroying confidence in the American
economy more than Al-Q'aeda could ever dream of doing.

To Ford and GM for aggressively marketing SUVs that kill more Americans every year
than the Sept. 11th attacks and insuring continued dependence on Mid East oil.

To local TV news stations for endless stories about car chases, shark attacks, celebrity
misbehavior and other sensational ratings-grabbers, thereby abdicating their responsibility
to inform and educate the public.

Please give it some thought and send your nominations to:  webmaster@thespeciousreport.com
Feel free to submit as many nominations as you see fit.

Your participation is greatly appreciated,
Dale McFarland, editor

 Click to order

  Is  bartcop.com  worth $10 a month?
  Most people say no...

  Click  Here  to get links for other amounts

 Don't forget to send something to 

 Pink-tutu Chretien:
 His surrender "as predictable as it was spineless"

  Click  Here

  Excerpt:
 But Chrétien was neither willing nor able to mount a political defence of his aide, or expose the
 right-wing forces behind the Ducros furor. Instead the prime minister tried to appease them.
 He told a November 22 press conference that Ducros had made a mistake while trying to
 defend Bush in an argument, then added the US President “is a friend of mine.”
 Ducros had submitted her resignation, said Chrétien, but he had not accepted it.

 Sensing weakness, the right wing and the media amplified their attacks, recycling diatribes from the US ....

 Chrétien’s surrender was as predictable as it was spineless.
 On Tuesday he announced he had accepted Ducros’ resignation.
 

 So, another guy bows to kiss the ring of the Unelected Fraud.
 Ducros should be given a medal for being one of the very few who has told the truth.
 America's "president" is a greedy, oil-thirsty moron with blood all over his hands.
 He's making money for America's whore press, so ...they're on the team.

Search Now:

 Read the  Previous Issue

 It had  everything.

 Copyright © 2002, bartcop.com
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

                                        Thanks for Shirley of  "Garbage"