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Quotes
"Gee, Rush, I'd gladly give up whatever
tax cut I have coming
so someone higher up on the income
scale could get a bigger tax cut."
-- insane ditto-monkey caller,
end of third hour today
The History of the Letterman-Moonves Fued
Things have gotten so much hotter in the last few weeks.
(See story below)
BartCop Predicts:
Moonves and Dave won't both be at CBS when Dave's contract expires
next year.
Terry McAuliffe [D-Fighter] Challenges
"Partial" Recount Study Headline
"If all the ballots were counted Gore would have won Florida"
We still don’t know who
won
Latest media recount effort only clouds the real issues in
Florida balloting
By Eric Alterman
Don't ever believe the whore media.
If you saw that extra-bad West Wing last night, you were
overwhelmed
with ads to watch that mean bitch on the new game show, The
Weakest Link
I've never seen a show promoted this heavily - ever!
NBC is pushing this show harder than any show I've ever seen.
USA Today did an article on Weakest Link today, and said
NBC
was "peppering" its airwaves with promos, but that's not what
I'd call it.
"Smothering" would be closer to the truth.
...and USA Today didn't mention Laura the Unloved's name once in the article.
How can you look at a snotty, sharped-tongued bitch and not think of Laura?
Paula Jones sets new record
for tacky pictures.
(Worse even than Laura the Untrimmed)
I have semi-tastefully cropped the picture, to save the children.
Letterman and Al Gore Team Up
Excerpt:
Gore: "I was ahead [in the polls] until I went on your show."
Dave: "The same could be said for me."
California?
So Goes the Nation
sent by tally
briggs, californian
If a common
murderer bribes his way our of trouble, it's called "illegal."
If tobacco
companies bribe the Republicans, it's called "campaign contributions."
Despite Outcry, Bush AIDS Office Gutted
Oh, well, they're "just queers," right George?
China
Senses Weak President
by Marc Perkel
America is in an unfortunate
position in the standoff with China over the captured spy plane.
We have a president
who is a moron, and a president whose legitimacy is questionable in that
he wasn't elected
by a majority of the people. Although the US media has been working hard
to prop Bush up,
Bush has no stature in the rest of the world.
And China is taking advantage of our weak president.
What we need now is
someone to step in to represent America who does have world class stature
who can bring our
people home. It's time for President Bush to reach across party lines and
ask
President Clinton
to help get our people back and normalize relations with China. We can
afford to
risk an international
escalation because the Republicans are too proud to bring in real talent.
TV Talk
'South Park’ creators take
on George W.
Live-action sitcom puts humor first — in a nicely spoofy way
by Tom Shales The Washington Post
The Facts:
Letterman keeps bragging about the size of Paul's new band.
He keeps telling Paul, "We gotta have a BIG band in here."
Last week, Dave said the band should have 200 musicians in it.
If I heard correctly last night, Dave mentioned a "thousand-member"
band.
What the Facts Mean:
Dave keeps pushing Leslie Moonves, president of CBS.
Dave is daring Moonves to fire him.
Dave has been taunting Moonves mercilessly, and continuously
for many weeks,
and a big chunk of that goes back to the day, (reported here
at bartcop.com)
when Moonves sent word to Dave he had to re-do the Top Ten list,
because it was
Top Ten Ways You Can Tell 'Survivor' is Fixed, if I remember
correctly.
So, Dave's been nailing Moonves for all these weeks, and it's
escalating.
From the way Dave's acting, I have surmised the following:
Moonves sent word to Dave that "a contract is a contract," and
it figures the network
has final say over what gets broadcast, so the Network had a
right to cencor his Top Ten.
So, is that the way they want
to play? Dave asks himself.
If it's 'in the contract,' it's
'in the contract?'
So, Dave has his lawyers and his comedy
writers search his contract for "Easter eggs."
Someone notices the contract says that
CBS will pay "All band salaries and expenses,"
and "The Band" is whatever Paul and Dave
say it is, ...so.
Bring It On Home
Dave has a temper.
Sidebar:
I like people who have short tempers, (except
for OJ)
I want my president to have a temper,
maybe even Smirk.
(It's OK. Uncle Dick won't let him do anything...)
But Dave is pissed as hell and, unlike
some Democrats I could name, he's fighting back!
Uh, ...how do you gear up for war with a man named "Leslie?"
So, Moonves wants to play hardball with
the contract, eh?
Dave is threatening to hire a thousand
band members just to goad Moonves.
Another thing, I'll bet Dave has
a dozen of these in his game plan.
Once they get thru Dave's "Big Band" ideas,
he'll start with idea Number Two.
You don't want to mess with Dave, especially
when he's pissed off.
Dave's got too much power.
Who would CBS stockholders rather have? Dave or Leslie?
This is interesting as Hell, and I've never
seen an article about it, have you?
If you see one, would you send it to me?
Or, this could be one of those "Duhs" where I'm the last to know...
But I think it's interesting as hell...
I've always said I don't mind others borrowing from bartcop.com
Those are good guys over at democraticunderground.com
Joe Conason on Ted Olson
TV Talk
We got trouble.
Remember this from yesterday?
>False Alarm Hope
> Last night, on Leno, Martin Sheen said in tonight's
West Wing,
> the president "begins his downward spiral
with MS."
> Let's hope he was talking "funny," and that
this is a false alarm.
> I don't want to watch a multi-epiosde arc where
Bartlet deteriorates before our eyes.
> The show won't work without him, and nobody
is going to watch a show with President Otter.
> Wouldn't that be just like Hollywood to have
the best show on free TV and "fix it?"
Last night's West Wing was easily
the worst show they've ever done.
This "downward spiral" looks like
it's going to be really ugly.
They've got key people at each other's
throats, and this problem doesn't have a "quick fix."
Oh, sure... they could turn around The First
Lady by just having her change her mind, but the MS
can't suddenly go into remission and be
a non-issue, because that'd make Toby a whore.
...and thanks to the producers of West
Wing for making perhaps the last standing Democrat
a flawed fraud with an ego so large,
he's blind to the issue of the country's safety.
I mean, President Bartlet is the president we wish we
had, instead of the Failure in Thief.
Any ideas how they get out of this?
The words that take away hope were Sheen's
"begins the downward spiral."
How many "downward" shows will we get?
How much fun is watching this gang go thru hell?
Sidebar:
Did somebody go on vacation?
Here's how last night' show should
have worked.
The entire subplot about writing a funny
speech was bungled worse than Bush's Kuwaiit.
The only reason you spend the first half
of the show talking about how unfunny something is,
is so when, at the last moment, the can't-be-funny
speech turns into a Chris Rock monolog.
You set it the killer laughs at the end
by having them say, a hundred times, "this isn't funny."
That's how it was supposed to work.
We were even robbed of that.
Besides being a harbinger of dark, dark
shows to come, what purpose did tonight's show serve?
Let's hope this is a temporary bump.
Still, "downward spiral" sticks in my head.
Courage.
Paul Harvey - Explained
TV Talk
That's my Bush
If I had a clue, I'd say so.
Trey said this was a parody of a sitcom.
It's seems to be a parody of a very, very
bad sitcom.
The laughtrack is more overbearing than
Laura the Unloved on Mother's Day.
Sure, there were some decent jokes in it, I think I have a few...
Smirk: I'm such a pussy!
Pickles: That's my Bush!
Sorry, I was looking for a joke...
Sure, I enjoyed the cheap shots at Smirk,
but this wasn't extra-snappy writing,
as much as I hate to disagree with the
great Tom Shales of the Whore Post,
I've only seen three minutes of Howard
Stern's "Son of the Beach,"
but "That's My Bush" seems to be a close
cousin.
Yes, the aborted fetus getting thrown on
the runaway dog's back had good shock value,
and I laughed out loud, when the fetus
screamed, "Hi-o Silver, ...away!"
Maybe I was too straight and too sober to get the joke...
In fairness, because I always liked
these guys, even if I don't always like their work. I should
watch
another show or two before I make up my
mind, but the guy playing Smirk reminded me more of
Larry Storch than the cold-hearted, larcenous
Freeper who stole the vote in the last election.
Trey said this wasn't about politics, that it was about
the humor.
Well, maybe the second show will be better.
Click on the bumpersticker to order one.
From: wittnietz@datatek.com
Subject: Catholic Dogma
Hey, BartCop:
You wrote:
> Real Catholics believe that every word from the Pope's mouth is dogma.
I'm afraid that you're wrong on this one, at least
from a doctrinal point of view.
Roman Catholics do hold the Pope to be
infallible but ONLY IF an
Ex Cathedra proclamation is being made
from the Throne of Peter.
Otherwise, he's just a guy with--some good, some
bad--advice.
The last Ex Catheda proclamation was (I
think) in the forties, saying that Catholics must
believe that Mary was a virgin when she was assumed
into Heaven. Or something like that.
Anyway, Popes don't make those "infallable" statements
very often, and usually it's about
internal Church dogma. Otherwise, it's perfectly
acceptable for the RC Church to tell
the Pope to go dangle (not that they would...pity...).
--Aaron "Recovered Catholic"
...Ohhhhh...., this is such a can of worms.
We gotta agree up front to come out of this OK,
right?
(clears the throat...)
I don't know how someone can get into religion
halfway.
I believe what you're saying about the Throne
of Peter.
If I'm not mistaken, the Pope also has to "hold
his Holy staff" when he proclaims.
But if you use your logic, doesn't that mean that
all those other hundreds of Papal statements
mean nothing, if he's not, in effect,
"Swearing to Koresh?"
Round here, I poke fun.
If I'm talking serious, I say "Swear to Koresh,'
so there'll be no mistake.
But I'm not The Pope.
Here's the deal:
The Pope is the leader of all Catholics.
The Pope speaks on the issues that affect each
Catholic.
Sometimes he means what he says, sometimes he
doesn't?
When I was held captive by them, the nuns used to say things like:
"If the Pope says the Cardinals will win or predicts it'll rain Friday,
he's not infallible."
But, gee, what is he's talking about abortion or the death penalty?
You said, in effect, the last time the Pope was
infallible was in the forties,
which was before The Pill, which means
even tho The Pope has condemned The Pill,
he didn't speak from the Cone of Silence so we
need not hear his words?
Is that the "spirit" of the law?
The Pill is OK for Catholics because The Pope
wasn't on the thone?
That means, whatever he says off the throne
is just ...throwaway meanderings, right?
That's no way to run a religion.
Current Campaign Finance laws hold more water
than, "He wasn't sitting in the right chair,"
That's more crazy than "He dialed the wrong
phone."
My bitch is this...,
(...you thought he'd never get to it...)
if Catholics,...if people of strong religious
faith can pick and choose which rules count, why bother?
Why would a good Catholic get deeeeep
into the Catholic dogma, learn all the details,
if the Pope only speaks "for real" every sixty
years or so?
In closing, to a non-believer, Papal speak is
like testimony.
The Pope is either under oath, ...or he's not.
If he's not under oath, even Catholics apparently
won't pay attention.
and if we haven't paid attention in sixty years,
how relevant could The Pope be?
Remember now, ...these are questions, not attacks.
Update
That wacky King of Debate, Will Commer, sent me a really
complimentary note.
Of course, he was trying to be a hateful shit, but look
what he wrote:
<snip>
I asked BC about how his web site is being
financed and he comes back with ridiculous statements
about the cost. Heck, bartcop.com
has high speed access, an adequate web page management system,
links to many other socialist web sites,
and a good sized archive, plus good response time on its server.
Can all of that be done for only "$300"
per month?
I doubt it.
It looks like the DNC and other leftist
socialist groups are giving BC's web site a free ride.
Isn't that sweet?
He thinks bartcop.com
is some hot, slick site, run by the deep pockets from the DNC!
ha ha
He doesn't know I have to go offline when
the squirrel gets tired.
That was the nicest thing anyone's ever said about bartcop.com
Thanks, Will.
But then he went to Fantasyland:
BTW, ask him about the so-called debate.
Ask BC if he "won" and his answer will be
"of course"
since he is doing his own scoring, even
though he cannot add even little numbers. The so-called debate
was not one and certainly there
was no winner since his side was all puerile and, like his web page,
stupid.
You cannot have a debate with the likes
of BC.
ha ha
This - from the guy who wrote, and I quote directly from the transcript:
willcommer:
yeah, i raped BC (Bill
Clinton) & it wasn't good!
You're right, Will.
You and I can't have an adult debate.
From: Ken from Saskatchewan
Subject: Spy Planes
Hi Bartcop,
This is Ken from Saskatchewan.
How you doing eh?
Hope the men and women on that US spy plane are
returned safe and sound.
Just thought I'd let you know something the US
media is probably not talking about too much.
It invovles the sovereign territorial rights of
aircraft and how your current administration is all pissed off
that the Chinese boarded the plane. In 1976 Soviet
Lieutenant Victor Belenko stole a MIG-25 and
defected to Japan. The MIG-25 was one of the
most sophisticated fighter aircraft at that time.
The plane was eventually returned to the Soviet
Union but only after it was thoroughly examined by
US military investigators. Sorta makes the whole
soverignty issue espoused by the current administration
a bit hypocritcal. Just thought you
might like to know that little tid bit of information.
Love your web page, keep up
the good work.
Ken
Ken, good note!
That reminded me, the military released the information that the MIG-25
was held together by
"paper clips and baling wire," if that's how you spell wire used
to bale hay.
You are correct.
When you land your spy plane in the other guy's country, they get a
look!
We'd be crazy to expect the Chi-Comms to hold to a higher standard
than ours.
It can't be wrong to face the truth.
From: joe_wagner@hotmail.com
Subject: Are you absolutely retarded?
I browsed your site long enough to see that you support your slanderous attacks with zero fact.
You make claims that Rush Limbaugh is a lying
nazi but never offer to explain why.
Whether or not he is, is not half as important
to the simple reason why you would say that.
I'd love to hear you explain why but I have the
strangest feeling you have no fact based, reality-based reason.
You are a bigger close minded bigot than you
probably think he is.
What kind of person thinks an admitted adulterer,
liar, cheater, and deceptionist is a great president?
Why you do.
It's probably only because you are such an outrageous
asshole that seeing slick Willy get away with it
makes you feel justified in being the biggest
asshole you can be.
ha ha
This guy must've gone to Dick Armey's charm school.
You probably will not share this on your site
and that's fine.
Just try to open your mind to the truth, you
extra dimensional moron.
Joe Wagner
How many times have we been here?
You say my problem is a lack of facts, logic and reason?
So, you'd have no trouble taking me apart in a live one-on-one debate,
right?
Christ, we're stuck in some time loop, where ditto-monkeys show up every
week,
only to be defanged and humiliated while I sip some fine luxury tequila.
I really need an agent.
I need someone to F with these weakly challengers.
I don't have the time to spend with every about-to-eat-it, ditto-monkeyspank.
Position
Wanted
Dito-Monkey handler
No experience needed, but having nine grown
kids is a solid plus.
Must be able to handle knuckleheaded sheep
for hours at a time.
So, Joe, let me ask you this:
When are you free for a little debate?
I thought I might be busy tonight, but Huckster left his balls
in his pink tutu.
You free, Joe?
Maybe around 10 PM CST?
ha ha
Ditto monkeys are all the same.
They talk REAL BIG until you get them in a live chat room.
Then they're all "Whatcha wanna talk about?"
Debate Feedback
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
bartcop.com
Thanks for the fumble,
Dude.
