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From: pete123@tir.com
Subject: Donation
Sorry it can't be more as I am just an old
retiree who enjoys your site.
Are you really 15?
Pete, that was very generous of you.
No, I'm approaching 50, but most people say I have the mind of
a 15-year old.
Thanks for that!
Tasty tequila's image gets a shot
Excerpt:
Learning about these premium tequilas is
a challenge, though. Ground zero in San Francisco is
Tommy's Mexican Restaurant, where they
sell more brands of 100 percent blue agave tequila
-- 205 -- than anywhere else in the United
States.
The servings also come in a variety of prices,
with the highest pulling in $350
a shot.
What? $350 a shot?
For that kind of money, you should get the not only best tequila
in the world
but a bonus of oral sex from .....nah, better not.
She's only 19.
From: christianbell37@hotmail.com
Subject: Vulgar Pigboy on Drew Carey rerun
Hey, Bartcop!
I just happen to have turned on the tv last night
and caught the old Drew Carey episode that
the vulgar Pigboy guest stars on. On this
particular episode, Drew's friend Kate and Mrs. Lauder (sp?),
the department store owner, were having an argument
over censorship on the internet. Kate was
against it and Mrs. Lauder was for it, saying
that any good conservative would be for internet censorship.
So, Drew brings in the Pigboy (playing his piggish
self) to settle the dispute. Guess what side he's on?
He says he's against internet censorship, much
to the surprise of Mrs. Lauder. Now, didn't Smirk's
infamous quote, "There should be limits to freedom,"
pertain to the very same thing? And this whole
Barrick Gold vs. Greg Palast/Guardian travesty
is the same thing. I smell hypocrisy here (along with various
other foul scents produced by right-wing nutcases).
But, as with all things right-wing, what else is new?
Christian,
Rush has no opinion on censorship - he just wants more money and less
taxes.
If he could get another five dollars, he wouldn't mind if the government
siezed
all web sites and all printing presses and TV networks.
He has no opinion on guns, or abortion, or gay rights, but be echoing
the views
of the uneducated scared white man, he can make a whole lot of cash.
He just wants more money and less taxes.
From: mikelx@hotmail.com
Subject: Las Vegas
I was in Vegas all last week.
105-plus temperatures are miserable.
The last night there, we checked into The Luxor.
Nice hotel, with many different ways to lose
your money.
The buffet was nasty.
Later that night, we walked to The Excalibur.
As with The Luxor, there were the same ways to
lose your money,
and way too much trailor-trash getting in our
way.
After that, we walked across the street to New
York, New York.
As with The Luxor and Excalibur, there were the
same many ways to lose your money.
The roller coaster was fun, and the food looked
good. However, I became bored, and we
went back to The Luxor and gave my money to a
machine that was not giving me any enjoyment.
I guess I just don't understand how people can
have so much fun losing money, and being among
crowds of people who love to lose money. Is there
something about Las Vegas that I won't
understand until I gain lots of weight or pass
the age of 65?
Mike
Mike,
You went to all the wrong places!
The Luxor used to be nice, but its lost some luster, and the
Excalibur has always been kind of a dog.
You need to be thinking Rio, Ventian, Bellagio, Ceasars
and even the old MGM Grand is good.
Some say the Hard Rock is good, too. I hear the blackjack is
easy to beat :)
Plus, how can you beat swim-up blackjack?
You also didn't mention tequila!
(Women must wear something on their heads)
Plus, next time we go, we're doing the lakes - some of the prettiest
in the states.
There's nothing like bobbing in the shade, the cobalt blue water lapping
at the ski boat,
the orange and red rocks screaming up into the sky while you enjoy
God's flowers
and maybe a touch of the Chinaco -ahhh, I can see myself
there right now.
We've never done the damn, but it looked fun when Chevy Chase did it.
Plus, there's all that free stuff that's hokey, but free.
The volcanoe*, the pirate ship battles, the fountain at the Bellagio,
the Fremont Experience,
the Star Trek simulator (not free, but cheap) the Liberace Museum (gag
me!) the elevator
ride to the top of the Stratosphere is just $6, and there's a goddamn
roller coaster up there!
Inside the casinoes* security is great, so you can get pretty wasted
and stumble around
without worrying about getting rolled. I like to watch the crazy-rich
gamble, too.
Did you do any sports book?
You can go into Ceasars Palace and pick out a football game or baseball
game
and just bet $5 on it. It makes the game more meaningful - plus you
might win!
And KENO!
You get to play KENO!!
Sorry, more kidding.
I'm getting loopy now - that's what The Fever
does to me.
...and we haven't even mentioned food.
You don't have to be fat to enjoy the food.
The Bamboleo at the Rio totally rules for Mexican.
It's so good, we haven't tried the others yet.
Onre thing you must remember, when they spend a billion (yes, a billion)
dollars
on a building, then can't afford to have "just decent" food.
You must've gone to one of those cheap-ass half a billion dolar resorts
:)
I'll bet the Bellagio and the Venetian both have Italian food that
rocks!
Hell, at the Bellagio, they have Van Goghs on the walls of the
restaurant.
I realize my tastes aren't good for everybody, but Vegas rules.
Plus, it's a very liberal city.
As Richard Pryor might say, "In Vegas, nobody calls you nigger."
If your credit card works, they treat you with the utmost respect.
Last thing?
The buzz on The Strip is like being in New York. There's an electricity
in the air.
There are hundreds of thousands of people having the best week of their
year.
You just walk in the evenings between Mandalay Bay and Monte Carlo
and soak up
the atmosphere and dig those lights. On the Las Vegas Strip, you won't
find a single
burned out bulb, and that's impressive on a building facade with 1,000,000
light bulbs.
Maybe you just needed a guide with a good attitude.
I'm available, for only $1000 a week, plus expenses!
Excuse
the rant....
by Gossipmaven
The name-race controversy rages on...
Bush
Flushes the Federal Surplus Down the Drain
The '90s unofficially ended yesterday.
"Turning America around, taking her in a new
direction"
was the only campaign promise the Boy King kept.
From: (withheld)
Subject: Freaky Pete!
Hey, I know Freaky Pete too! I was at the UA-Fayetteville
from '73-78 and shared
a few "medications" with Pete. Do you actually
have confirmation that he is alive?
That is a surprise. Taking 100 hits of white crosses
was Pete's normal dose.
He'd stay up for 3-5 days then drink a few bottles
of codeine cough medicine to crash.
Plus he had a sophisticated chem lab in his basement.
Made the crosses by the thousands.
Cooked up some LSD a few times too.
Thanks for the memories. Mine are kind of fuzzy. :)
David
ha ha
Pete is famous!
From: The Spook
Subject: Pete
Hey man,
Ken's Pizza was my favorite. The Walton Center
for the Performing Arts occupies that whole block now.
I don't know for sure if Pete is alive or not;
it's been about 20 years since I saw him. It seems like I heard
he moved back east, and I did find, with a Google
search for "Pete Nxxxxx," an e-mail address for
someone in Pennsylvania, but it was @prodigy,
so there's no telling how old it is or if it's even his.
But your story was quintessential Pete. He used
to drop by when he was trying to come down and get us
to go to the drugstore(s) and buy him a bottle
or two of Novahistine Expectorant (w/codeine) cough syrup
to chug-a-lug. Back then, it was exempt (like
paregoric), so you didn't need a prescription; you just signed a book.
They said the revenooers came around periodically
to check for abusers buying it daily. As far as illegality,
the statute of limitations covers such admissions,
and Pete's reputation makes him libel-proof.
I've got another mostly true story about his
days in D.C. from the '60s I'll share with you some time.
ha ha
Pete is known across the land.
Here is the original letter that started it:
I was working for the phone company (in Rogers)
at the time and commuting from Baldwin
(on Highway 16 near Lake Sequoyah). When I ran
into "Freaky Pete" Nxxxxx, I told him
I had just got back to town. This is how the
conversation went:
Pete: Where are you living?
me: Out near Baldwin.
Pete: Baldwin Piano?
me: No, Baldwin the town.
Pete: Oh. Where are you working?
me: Rogers.
Pete: Roger's pool hall?
me: No, Pete, Rogers the town.
ha ha
He sounds pretty straight there...
So yes!
Pete is still alive.
Chandra
Levy Is Dead
by Margaret Shemo
Excerpt:
Call in the bloodhounds, call off the search.
Chandra Levy is dead -- Dr. Laura said
so
Whatever the situation,
I'm on Margaret Shemo's side.
From: jbhigdon@townsend.com
Subject: I suppose there's no need to worry...
BC:
Of course Jenna and Barbara always have the Secret
Service to haul the drunken asses around,
so I suppose there is no need to worry that they
will kill someone while driving a car. That is,
until after the overgrown frat boy leaves office,
and they lose their Secret Service chauffeurs.
Funded, of course by the hard working taxpayers
in America's heartland.
But it's none of our business. It's a "family"
issue, in the First Family that is the shining example
of America's family values. Jenna and Barbara
have certainly proven, time and again, that they are
as responsible as their farther with taxpayer
dollars. They are America's princesses, and certainly of
far more value to us than any person or family
that they will likely remove from the planet, at some point
in the future, when they lose SS protection and
begin driving on their own. And if that were to happen,
I'm sure that they would be punished, like the
rest of, and likely lose their driver's lincense for a whole year.
Jim H.
Celebrity mail
From: Palast@aol.com
Subject: Re: Greg, talk to us
still here!
am taking a small break from my column
to work on my book.
will be back in a few weeks.
Hmmmm....
From: utusn@flash.net
Subject: If He Didn't
I haven't cared about the Condit affair throughout it all, but there is only one (1) issue:
NOT whether they had sex: Did he know,
cause, or do harm or disappearance to the individual.
While it is gawd-ugly, he's right that we have
no need to know about who-all he's had sex with.
What does that have to do with her current condition,
whatever that is. If he DIDN'T have anything
to do with that, we don't need to know the rest.
IF he didn't have anything to do with her plight,
I'm begining to respect his refusal to SPILL
HIS DIRTY PERSONAL UNDERWEAR to the
entire planet. So long as "the
people in charge of the investigation" know all they need to know.
I like CHUNG, and I don't know WHY, but most of
her questions butted on
getting him to do the affair question.
It was like Geraldo, years ago,
bashing MANSON in a now-O'REILLY manner,
instead of shedding light.
John, I disagree.
We have no right to nasty DETAILS, what they did and how many times
and was she a screamer,
but when you're looking at a murder or a suicide, the boyfriend/husband
is always the first suspect.
If their relationship was strictly professional, as he told
the mother, then it would be much less likely
that Chandra killed herself over him, or that he had her killed.
BUT, if she was pregnant, or if he had just dumped her,
or if Condit's wife caught them,
or if Chandra or the wife threatened to
talk, that provides an entirely new set of motives.
If I was Condit, and I was innocent,
A. I wouldn't have hidden behind the LIE that the Levy's asked me not
to talk.
B. I would've said, "We had a short affair
with no animosity on either side,"
C. You can go straight to hell with your thirst for details, bitch.
Happy Birthday to...
Cal Ripken is 40, and he's having a great final year,
homering in almost every park on his farewell visit.
"I want to enjoy it and have fun and not really put the pressure on
it. Just enjoy the game,'' he said.
"Whatever happens, happens. Do the best you can and enjoy the moment.''
Huge crowds have been with him every step of the way. He thrilled
the fans in Seattle
with a home run in the All-Star game, and delivered homers during
his ``farewell'' trips
to five cities since then: Atlanta, Florida, Texas, Anaheim and
Kansas City.
Quotes
"Americans like to talk about (or be
told about) Democracy but, when put to the test,
usually find it to be an 'inconvenience.'
We have opted instead for an authoritarian system
disguised as a Democracy. We
pay through the nose for an enormous joke-of-a-government,
let it push us around, and then
wonder how all those assholes got in there."
-- Frank Zappa
Backlash on the Silverman joke controversy
From: johnrb@erols.com
Subject: Bullshit
Hi BC-
I hate to be critical, BC, but this crap...
>Remember what Rush and Drudge and the New York
Whore Times said?
>"Everyone who has seen the baby agrees it
looks just like Clinton."
...is, well, crap.
Because I DON'T remember when The New York Whore
Times said that.
Because no one else does.
Because it didn't.
So knock it off.
-JRB
John, you have made a mistake.
You could've been less of an ass about it, but the mistake is
yours.
I realize this isn't cold, hard proof, but Click
Here to read my original account of this atrocity,
from Volume
137 - High Crimes and Low Blows.
It was known as "the bad language" issue, probably because of
this story.
This goes back so far, we were still called Rush Limba - Lying
Nazi Whore.
I wish I'd dated the pages back then, to make it easier to locate
the original story.
Y'know, I gotta say, it takes balls to contact somebody
who feels so passionate
about something so fundamental to his message and tell him he's
full of shit.
You could've written and said, "Bart,
is that a true quote?"
But instead, you climbed in the ring and called me a liar.
That took balls, my friend.
...and think how much better it would've been if you were right.
I'll offer a shot of Chinaco for bravery,
but a shot of Cuervo for accuracy and planning.
There are people who read this page who can locate old stories.
Tell me, John, when they produce that story with that quote,
you gonna buy me a bottle of Chinaco to apologize?
Hang 'em High Quotes
"But out of respect to my family and at a specific
request from the Levy family,
I think it's best I not get into those
details."
--Guiltyboy Condit
But Levy family attorney Bill Martin denied that the family had made any such request.
"I can tell you that the Levy family
had no objection to Gary Condit answering
any question about their relationship,"
Martin said.
"They had no objection. He's hiding
and I wish he would answer the questions."
Bush
Daughters Handled With Kid Gloves
by Dave Zweifel
Excerpt:
"The non-Bush teens not only were arrested,
they were also hauled to jail, booked, and put in a cell
until they could make bail, usually about
a 12-hour ordeal," Hightower writes. "It's the routine procedure."
That, of course, is not the way it went
for the Bush daughters. Rather, when the city police,
who had been called by the nightclub management,
arrived to check on the report of the false ID,
a Secret Service agent tapped an officer
on the shoulder to explain who the women were.
While the city police called headquarters
to find out how to proceed in this unusual case,
the Secret Service moved Jenna and Barbara
out of the bar and into an SUV waiting outside.
The Condit/Chung Interview
By Jon Bastian
From: norman@plankity.com
Subject: some issues
Hey BC,
First off – Condit – now I don’t think
the debate should be focused over whether he did it or not:
it should be focused over the hype. How can we
trust a media that failed to report the theft of an election,
fumbled all the non-scandals of the departing
ELECTED administration and now relegates tales of
Scarborough (DEAD INTERN) and Giordano (WANTED
TO HAVE CHILDREN) to the ‘local news’ section.
Norm!
True and well put - loved the "wanted to have children" :)
Second: the rebates – I read on CompuServe
an article claiming the rebates are actually an advance
against your 2001 tax outcome: if you tend to
owe, you will owe $300 or $600 more, come April 15
… if you usually get a refund, expect it to be
less the amount of your rebate check. This article was on
the opening page of CompuServe on Wednesday and
was titled “The Truth About the Rebates”.
I searched all over the web for other sources
but found none. Maybe some of your readers can help.
Also true.
Dude, we had that a while back - musta been an issue you missed.
regards,
N--
Wait, did you hear that?
BartCop...BartCop!!
Can you hear it?
BartCop...BartCop!!!
Listen real close...
BartCop...BartCop!!!!!
It's Las Vegas - calling to me.
I have Vegas Fever!
Jesse figured out more people could hear the gavel
with the help of the echo chamber inside his hard head.
Quotes
"In my opinion, Condit was in shit up
to his ankles yesterday.
After that interview, he's buried
in it."
-- Vic the Racist, getting
it right for once
Connie
and Condit
A mutual handjob, but nobody got off.
The first polls are in, and they're devastating to that
guilty idiot.
A full 80 percent say he's still holding back.
Here's my favorite - 58 percent say he looks more guilty
now.
Can you believe that?
If you told me yesterday that Condit's reputation was about to
nosedive,
I wouldn't have believed you, but after that horseshit
he pulled, he's in more trouble than ever.
By my count, 6 times Condit said, "Connie,
I've been married for 34 years, I'm not a
perfect man, I've made mistakes, and
out of respect to the wishes of the Levy family,
I'll respect their request that I not
answer one goddamn question tonight."
Gee, Gary, your respect for her family is overwhelming.
"Sorry I raped, murdered and buried your daughter,
Mr. Levy,
but out of respect for you, I won't
talk too much about it."
Using her family's honor to refuse to tell the truth?
He repeated that Abbe Lowell-written line again and again.
Will Abbe Lowell ever work again?
Condit: "Hey, Abbe, 80 percent
of America thinks I murdered that girl.
Can you help me convince the other twenty percent?"
Lowell: "Sure, I'll throw some
weasel words together about how you respect her parents
and you keep repeating those infuriating words until that twenty percent
caves, OK?"
This wasn't an interview - it was a botched recital.
Mrs BartCop said he looked more guilty than OJ after the
trial.
"I did not have sexual relations with Chandra's body."
How bad of a lawyer is Abbe Lowell? Check this piece of art:
"You guys in the media think that prime
time is a church
and Connie Chung is the priest,
and you weren't going to
be satisfied
until on prime time the congressman
did his confessional.''
ha ha
That's the worst lawyering I've ever seen, and I've seen them all.
This bum used to represent the president?
It proves that Clinton was his own during the impeachment fiasco.
Sidebar:
Our "pick the segment where he cries" contest
didn't work for two reasons:
1. The arrogant prick didn't show any remorse.
Instead, he dug his hole deeper.
2. As someone said in the chat room, "This
interview is chopped up like it'd been to Satriale's"
But the highlight of the night was the chat room.
As you know, America's best and brightest hangs out in
the chat room,
and the comedy was in full flight last night. The chat room is
always a hoot!
Click
Here to read selected highlights from the live Condit-Chung
chat.
Biggest whore of the night?
Charles Gibson.
"When we come back, Gary Condit tells us what he thinks happened to Chandra."
When then came back, Condit said, "I have no idea."
Charles Gibson, how can you call yourself a journalist?
You knew Tuesday that Condit played Tommy Dimwit in this
interview, yet,
you whored yourself like that so we'd stay for the proof that
you were a lying scumbag?
You knew Tuesday that he wasn't talking, yet Thursday night,
two days AFTER you knew the truth, Charles, you said,
"Stay tuned for Gary's view of the murder."
ABC News, thy name is whore, ...but we knew that years
ago.
The news outlets in America have become such guttersluts.
bartcop.com has more credibility than ABC News.
Sarah Silverman & Chinks
This Just in....
ABC News reports Connie Chung is missing!
When asked if he knows anything about the whereabouts of Ms. Chung,
Gary Condit says he respects Maury Povich too much to
get into the details.
The
'dumbing down' of America
by Laurah D
Food for
thought
by sniper@cei.net
When Bush the FIRST was in office, they changed
the way they counted the unemployed.
Now what you have in your basic unemployment
numbers are the first time applicants.
Long term unemployed ( people who have exhausted
benefits or don't qualify
to receive unemployment ) don't count
Most people who where not employed for 6 months
are more, don't count.
People who where working part time or full time
and going to school, don't count.
People who didn't file because they have been
raised to see food stamps and
government assistance as bad ( and there are
a lot ) don't count.
People who worked two jobs to make ends meet,
and lost one, don't count.
People who are retired and worked full time to
make ends meet, don't count.
People who worked at any job less than full time,
don't count.
People who did seasonal work, don't count.
Any illegal aliens who took the jobs no one else
wanted, don't count
People who vote Democratic, don't count ( at
least that's the way it seems).
The rate of unemployment is much higher than the government admits.
is
busting out all over.
Today they have news of Mary Bono getting married, (different
boyfriend, too)
there's a look at the new Star Trek franchise, Shirley McClaine
on Smirk,
and an Anna Kournakova update (without a picture? Isn't that
illegal?)
But as good as it is, they still need more writers.
Is it true you have no opinions at all about movies, TV
or music?
You think what other people have to say is more important than
what you have to say?
You should go there and sign up to be the expert commentator on
something.
The new TV season is less than a month away.
We need people to report on every show except Bob Patterson.
That one's mine.
Quotes
"When you use hotwired.com to make your
travel plans,
you don't have to give
them your credit card until you see the details."
-- The Ho'er who'll sell
bark for any product if you pay him enough
Yes, you do.
I was playing with it, checking flights & Vegas hotel deals,
and after the long
registration, the window pops up for your credit card. Screw
that. I'm not looking for
a great deal on a room at Wilber's Fish Market, Hotel and Casino
7 miles from The Strip.
Has anybody else tried hotwired.com?
Did I hit some wrong button?
Or is the vulgar Pigboy just lying, as usual?
CNN Rushes
Rush
by Al Franken
Excerpt:
In some quarters it is thought that CNN
went to Limbaugh as a response to the (ridiculous) charge
that the network is liberally biased. Rush
himself has called CNN the "Clinton Network News"--
I guess because during the whole Monica
thing, CNN only went with it twenty-three hours a day.
Read the Previous Issue
It had everything.
Copyright © 2001,
bartcop.com
Thanks for the
fumble, Dude.
